Growing up with few cousins

[Anonymous]

My children have very few cousins (3, all adults) and it makes me sad because I had tons - boomer generation so kids of 10 siblings.

They somewhat know their first cousins once removed, but even in our generation very few chose to have kids (maybe 50% of us).

I keep wishing my SIL/BIL have kids but I think due to her health issues, him being against it and really poor they never will.

Anyone else feel like this?

[Anonymous]

No, I had a peripatetic childhood due to my father's job overseas and hardly ever saw my cousins. Then I moved to the US as an adult and my American kids hardly ever see their cousins.

Our parents, siblings and other relatives are all in Europe or Asia, OP. That's the life of expats and internationals for you.

[Anonymous]

My kids only have one cousin and she’s 2 years older than them. I didn’t have a lot of cousins and they lived far away so while I’m a bit sad they won’t having any in their age range and I know it’s easy enough to be happy without them.

[Anonymous]

My kids only have one cousin and she’s 20 years older than them. I didn’t have a lot of cousins and they lived far away so while I’m a bit sad they won’t having any in their age range and I know it’s easy enough to be happy without them.

[Anonymous]

Everyone is different and every family generation is different. I’ve learned that my childhood is nothing like my parents’s and my kids’ childhood is nothing like mine. Just go with it, Op.

[Anonymous]

No, because just bc they had cousins a similar age doesn't mean they'd live close by, doesn't mean they'd get along, etc. I used to cry before every family get together because I was so uncomfortable around my cousins. I had eight first cousins on one side and 11 on the other side. As an adult, I have only seen three in the last 20 years.

Just appreciate what you have.

[Anonymous]

There are so many ways to have relationships that mimic cousins.

[Anonymous]

I had no first cousins, nor did my DH, and neither of our families did any sort of getting together with cousins further removed. I don't think either of us feels like we missed out on anything. Our kids now have one set of first cousins who live out of state - we get together 1-2x/year and they all have fun together - it's fun to see their relationship, but I think it's one of those things that you don't necessarily miss if you don't have it.

(Also, it's fun to be the only grandkids, or of a limited number.)

[Anonymous]

Jeeze I didn't realize I was alone in this. Both my husband and I had close relationships to our first cousins and see them fairly regularly.

My cousins were super far (8+ hour flight away) and some later were only a few hours drive but my parents moved mountains to get to see them.

I just got lunch with one of my younger cousins in a different town and it was so nice. Makes me wish for more of that.

[Anonymous]

My son is the only grandchild on either side. No siblings, no cousins. It’s very different from how I grew up, but he knows no difference and it hasn’t bothered him yet (he’s 12)

[Anonymous]

Yes. I feel the loss. Our family has shrunk a lot.

My parents had quite a few first cousins. Mom had 11. Dad had 4.

I only have 2 first cousins. My kids only have 2. Those kids just have my 2 kids as reciprocal 1st cousins.

[Anonymous]

I grew up with a ton of cousins but none of us are close now. My child has 2 cousins and it’s fine.

[Anonymous]

So why don’t you ensure that they have a lot of non family friends of all ages.

Maybe you should be mad or sad or whatever it is you feel at your parents for not breeding you enough siblings to support your children having cousins? This may help quell your wishing from your ILs, who sound like maybe they’re having fertility issues, but may be lacking in the actual support to have children that so many people have

I do really have to give you points for the “poor” dig! If only the poors could
Provide your children with the relationships you feel are owed to you and your family!! Maybe you could adopt a baby and provide them with childcare so you can have that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with a ton of cousins but none of us are close now. My child has 2 cousins and it’s fine.

Same.

[Anonymous]

My child is an only child with zero cousins. It works great for her. Each family is different. Try not to get too tied up in what your birth family was like, as it may seem like the only way to be for you, but it will hold you back to be so limited.