Can a work culture make and produce people to say/do things they wouldn't normally do?

[Anonymous]

Hi, I'm looking back at a previous place of employment where everyone (including the managers) was very nosy and incredibly open with each other about everything in their lives (oversharing). Because of this, I tended to overshare as well. I left the job because I graduated college and got a job working in a different environment that is very professional where people don't overshare and aren't nosy. This got me thinking that I realized it's not professional to overshare. I now know this, but is it possible for the work culture to produce people to normalize "oversharing" than what is actually professional acceptable? I believe so. Tell me what you think.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely. I previously worked in a place where people were openly dating and breaking up, hanging out on the weekends and in general acting like high school. So toxic. It wasn’t for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi, I'm looking back at a previous place of employment where everyone (including the managers) was very nosy and incredibly open with each other about everything in their lives (oversharing). Because of this, I tended to overshare as well. I left the job because I graduated college and got a job working in a different environment that is very professional where people don't overshare and aren't nosy. This got me thinking that I realized it's not professional to overshare. I now know this, but is it possible for the work culture to produce people to normalize "oversharing" than what is actually professional acceptable? I believe so. Tell me what you think.

I worked in a place like this. No boundaries. A lot of oversharing. People dating colleagues. Way too much drinking disguised as team building. At the time, it felt comfortable, casual. Like the sort of place where everyone gets along and no one makes too big a deal. Except that no one REALLY got along and everything was ALWAYS a big deal. It was next to impossible to have normal, appropriate boundaries there because that wasn't cool, just like not drinking wasn't cool. When I left that job and started working somewhere with appropriate boundaries, it was a little bit jarring and felt kind of cold. But later, it was really reassuring to me that I knew a lot about the work of my colleagues, their professional interests and histories, but almost nothing about their personal lives, by and large.

[Anonymous]

Yes of course. It's very hard not to conform to the social habits around you - even if you didn't share "as much" as others you probably shared more than you would otherwise. It's part of conversational give and take.

Also those places tend to have other factors (long hours, stress, intra office dating) that contribute.

[Anonymous]

I feel like some of us must have worked in the same place!

Anyway yes when I worked in a place like this I felt a lot of pressure to conform to this kind of behavior (oversharing and socializing all the time plus gossip and being in everyone's business all the time) because it was so normalized. But unlike a lot of the other workers there I had quite a bit of experience in more professional environments and I knew there are major pitfalls to all of it. I just got a reputation for being old and uptight and then people didn't want to hange out with me anyway and eventually I left the job and moved on.

And then later I heard they got sued by multiple former employees for sexual harassment and an abusive work environment and I was not even remotely surpristed.

Professionalism is not about being "uptight." It's about being respectful and understanding that maintaining work relationships requires a bit of detachment. You can leave work and go relax with your family and friends but being more restrained at work is actually healthy and benefits everyone.

[Anonymous]

I would think so. For instance I am required to use a heavy amount of emojis, normally not my thing, but it's expected.

[Anonymous]

I used to LOVE company outings!!! And happy hours!!! And dinners with after hours at the rooftop bar!! But no not really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like some of us must have worked in the same place!

Anyway yes when I worked in a place like this I felt a lot of pressure to conform to this kind of behavior (oversharing and socializing all the time plus gossip and being in everyone's business all the time) because it was so normalized. But unlike a lot of the other workers there I had quite a bit of experience in more professional environments and I knew there are major pitfalls to all of it. I just got a reputation for being old and uptight and then people didn't want to hange out with me anyway and eventually I left the job and moved on.

And then later I heard they got sued by multiple former employees for sexual harassment and an abusive work environment and I was not even remotely surpristed.

Professionalism is not about being "uptight." It's about being respectful and understanding that maintaining work relationships requires a bit of detachment. You can leave work and go relax with your family and friends but being more restrained at work is actually healthy and benefits everyone.

Op here. I agree with you that being professional is being respectful to everyone. It also means that you keep yourself from getting into trouble. I did make a comment to one of my managers that the work environment should have more boundaries on the types of conversations, and my manager responded that the head manager for the department didn't want to make the department feel "too corporate." Well, I disagree because all it takes is for one conversation to make someone or some people uncomfortable, and then there will be an investigation, and the whole system will fall down with everyone pointing fingers at each other as they say, "you did it. You started it by oversharing and acting nosy."

I would also associate it as a tone at the top problem. If top management does it, the subordinates will follow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi, I'm looking back at a previous place of employment where everyone (including the managers) was very nosy and incredibly open with each other about everything in their lives (oversharing). Because of this, I tended to overshare as well. I left the job because I graduated college and got a job working in a different environment that is very professional where people don't overshare and aren't nosy. This got me thinking that I realized it's not professional to overshare. I now know this, but is it possible for the work culture to produce people to normalize "oversharing" than what is actually professional acceptable? I believe so. Tell me what you think.

Loose lips are common in toxic work environments.

[Anonymous]

For sure. I was actually just discussing this with a friend who recently left my company. The toxic culture caused a brilliant, confident person to doubt himself and constantly beg for the approval of his boss. He is a couple months out and back to his old self. It's night and day, and even he and his family see it.

I'm still stuck here for now, but I have managed not to get sucked in (which means my upward mobility is limited).

[Anonymous]

Absolutely! My current job is like this and people are overly familiar. Tech industry. Remote actually. Bosses try to be friends with employees, and push work hard play hard too much.

Previous job was also tech but very different. I was close with my boss but there were healthy work life boundaries and professionalism and culture was a lot healthier actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would think so. For instance I am required to use a heavy amount of emojis, normally not my thing, but it's expected.

Gooooo team!!!! ))) LOVE!

[Anonymous]

I had a lot of people die at work and for example two people died at work last few months and I felt nothing. Same for laid off or fired people.

Reality is everyone I work with dies, gets fired or quits. You get numb to it.

I am getting walked out the door by HR or take. out by paramedics or if lucky quit for new job and might as well be dead I won’t see those people again.

You just have to pretend.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely. I realized that in my current office, there's a lot of over sharing and when newer folks come in, they don't share as much and they're shunned a little. But at the same time, that's just too much information.
I do agree that you see this in an office where people are there for either long hours or certain shifts that requires spending an intense amount of time with each other. In my case, I think it was a lot of oversharing to explain why you are not around or can't do something and someone needs to pick up the slack. It's a very understaffed team and we all have outside obligations. So there's this feeling/need to justify having a life. That is definitely toxic disguised as comraderie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. I realized that in my current office, there's a lot of over sharing and when newer folks come in, they don't share as much and they're shunned a little. But at the same time, that's just too much information.
I do agree that you see this in an office where people are there for either long hours or certain shifts that requires spending an intense amount of time with each other. In my case, I think it was a lot of oversharing to explain why you are not around or can't do something and someone needs to pick up the slack. It's a very understaffed team and we all have outside obligations. So there's this feeling/need to justify having a life. That is definitely toxic disguised as comraderie.

This… my boss encourages over sharing about everything, calling on personal cell phones, etc. bc it goes hand in hand with working more than you’re supposed to.