DC bumped out of A meet - how to motivate?
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Anonymous
| My DC is 7 and had gone to the first two A meets but another kid bypassed her time in her event on Monday. She is super upset. The kid happens to be her buddy which is part of what's upsetting her but putting that aside, how do you motivate a kid this age to keep working at it? |
Anonymous
| She's 7. Next year she'll be 8 and better positioned. Kids on the cusp usually make it when they're on the older side of the age group and don't make it when they're on the younger side |
Anonymous
| Encourage her to compare herself to her own previous times rather than others. |
Anonymous
| Cheer on her friend / team mate at the A meet and come back at your B meet and beat your own best time. |
Anonymous
+1. It might seem overkill for a 7 year old, but this is a time to plant seeds for her to develop her mindset. Being in an A meet one week doesn’t mean she has been anointed as a “fast swimmer” and should expect to continue to be an A swimmer. Praise her effort, not the result. Make sure your language puts value on hard work, creating goals that are not based on the performance of other kids, and developing growth mindset. |
Anonymous
THIS, THIS, THIS a million times over. I am a team rep and have some age groups that are very deep bench and incredible swimmers. They are all friends too. Swim times are all about you and no one else. That is the messaging you hammer into kids. They didn't get beat by their friend. Your kid didn't better their own time. She should be overjoyed that he friend dropped time and cheer her on. My youngest just got knocked out of Relay Carnival because her friend dropped a ton of time and is looking good in the water. My kid was down a bit about not being in it (probably an All Star Group too) but she is nonetheless celebrating her friends good swimming. These are great lessons for life. I tell mine, if they want it enough they need to put in the work. Most kids would rather not. This is life. |
Anonymous
|
It’s okay to be disappointed AND happy for your friend. One of the things I love about swim is that it teaches all these little life lessons like that in a pretty low stakes environment. I see my role as the parent as guiding through how to deal with these things. Missed out on something you really want? It’s okay to be sad but life goes on and the world doesn’t end. You get to decide if you want to make this A Big Deal that ruins your week or let go and enjoy all the fun of B meets. Your friend got it instead of you? Let’s talk about how to be a good friend even if you’re disappointed. And let’s talk about focusing on improving your OWN times rather than comparing to others. Really want all the glory? That means showing up and working hard every day and sometimes just… waiting until you’re 8. But if it’s something you really want - start working hard!
I would not try to fix things for her or even get overly focused on motivating her to make it back in the A meets. I’d focus on helping her name the feelings and learn those lessons about friendship, playing the long game, finding joy and good experiences where you are, and focusing on herself. |
Anonymous
| Also, even the way you phrased your post, “bumped out of the meet” is problematic and you can be sure that your child will pick up on it and feel a sense of injustice. Her friend swam well and earned her spot. Your daughter swam well but not well enough to earn her spot. |
Anonymous
|
Welcome to sports, OP.
This is going to happen a lot. |