Teen dating
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Anonymous
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I know there is a lot of threads about teen dating and "late bloomers" and so forth. But, wondering how you counsel -or if you do- your older teens who have not dated much or at all?
My 17 yo had a first date recently but it didn't work out after that (my DC called off a second date due to a very specific set of circumstances that are not relevant here and was right to do so). But overall, my kid has def been nervous and not confident about dating and making a first move, so to speak. I'll be honest: this drives me insane. DC is smart, good looking, athletic, etc. etc. Though def on the more reserved side. By 17, I had no problems with the "we should hang out" type of comments with people I liked. If they didn't like me or whatever, BFD. It's a big world out there. I know DC sort of likes another person who has dropped some hints but that's going nowhere b/c of DC. (And before anyone accuses, this is me venting. I do NOT say this to DC. I just try to listen and encourage.) It's frustrating to watch DC sabotage these situations out of fear or whatever. It's 100% not that I want some epic romance or whatever, or I even care about a serious SO. DC is a strong student and athlete and so is busy with and focused there. BUT, I'd like DC to be able to navigate relationships/dating on some level w/o fear, with confidence, etc. (reading the relationships board on here is terrifying-lol). And I'm worried about that going forward. Just curious if you have any success encouraging your DCs who may be like this? There's really not anything I can do, I understand that rationally. But it's so hard to watch it (and listen to it). |
Anonymous
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Is there a reason you are being vague about your kids gender? Would be helpful to know girl/boy or if this is some sort of they/them situation. My answer will be a little different depending on this.
Not knowing that - my recommendation for your kid is to encourage opposite sex friendships first. Girls and boys who have opposite sex friends learn to talk/connect to boys/girls in a low pressure way and tend to have the easier time being confident later in dating. When teens only have same sex friends they tend to be awkward with the opposite sex and especially when trying to date. |
Anonymous
| There's no rush. It's not like the world will run out of people for him to date. Let him get there in his own time. At the time most kids are hanging out in coed groups at the mall or Starbucks or wherever, kids who are 17 now were in lockdown and lost social development. They'll catch up, but it'll take time. No need to counsel your kid at all beyond being respectful and accepting/setting boundaries and having clear communication. |
Anonymous
| Hang out as a group first? That's how it worked for ds: hung out a bunch with boy and girl team members of his sport, and got closer to one of the girls. They have been dating a couple months now. It means a lot less pressure and fear of rejection. |
Anonymous
Sounds like a boy |
Anonymous
| I wouldn’t care at all if my 17 yo wasn’t that interested in dating. Why do you? If he is too chicken to ask a girl out and take initiative, he will get over eventually, as most men do. Leave it be. |
Anonymous
+1. Why is this even on your radar screen as an issue? |
Anonymous
+2 |
Anonymous
Sounds like her ds wishes he would date and shared with op... |
Anonymous
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Why does it matter why it’s on my radar? But even so I think I said why. Plus, yes, my kid and I talk and have talked about it.
As for gender I deliberately didn’t give it bc I wanted thoughts not filtered by that lens. And frankly, i don’t think it’s relevant as both boys and girls can have these insecurities. |
Anonymous
I was the one that asked bc I didn’t know if maybe the child was trans or gender fluid or something. The language was kind of written that way which is definitely going to add another anxiety to dating. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like your 17 yo isn’t ready to date. He isn’t mature enough. Why does this bother you? Many aren’t. |
Anonymous
| Mine was like this. Didn’t take a date to homecoming senior year. Then he made a decision to get dating experience. I mom did suggest it was a good idea but I don’t know how much I influenced him. Went on several dates throughout the year, no SO but he did take a lovely girl to Prom. I think his friendship with a girl may have helped as he had a sounding board. So maybe encourage him to make friends with girls (assuming he’s a straight boy but you get the idea) |
Anonymous
| Are you requiring dances? School dances. It's part of being a part of the school community. School is not just about academics but succeeding on all levels. I would make that an expectation. Start there. Group experiences leads to being more at ease socially. |
Anonymous
+3 |