Are a circle of friends necessary?

[Anonymous]

The older I get the harder it is to maintain female circles of friendship. I love other women, but when the friendships are in groups I always encounter cattiness and gossip at some point. Do you think I will regret existing friendship circles when I’m older? I’m considering just perusing individual friendships moving forward.

[Anonymous]

You should maintain what makes you happy, not what Bravo or Instagram tries to tell you is normal.

[Anonymous]

I mostly do 1:1 friendships OP and I do think it works better for me. But everyone is different. I don't think I get as much out of hanging out with a group as some other people might -- I have tried at various times in my life to do the girls night or girls weekend thing and it's not horrible it's just not how I prefer to socialize or spend my time. The last time I tried it was when my first was born and I was in a mom's support group. The group was fine but afterwards people would get together at a cafe to hang out and I just found it awkward and stressful.

BUT I did become friends with one of the women in that group and we still hang out 1:1 now. But I stopped going to the group outings even though those women (including my friend) still hang out now and again. Nothing against the other women. I think I'm just not a group person.

I think the biggest drawback to this approach is that it makes it harder to have casual friends because a lot of people view 1:1 hangouts as reserved for closer friends. It would be nice to have some more "medium" friends. When I worked in an office this would have been a coworker I ate lunch with or something. But I WFH now. So I don't really have medium friends -- just acquaintances and then close friends. It works okay but I do wish it was easier to have more casual friendships with women without havign to hang out as a big group but oh well.

[Anonymous]

I think it is best to maintain individual friendships as opposed to collective friendships because women. do. gossip.
a lot.

Especially as they get older.
And gossip h-u-r-t-s. ❤️‍🩹

[Anonymous]

The older I got the more I realized that my best friend is myself. This makes it easy to enter and exit friendship circles and/or individual friendships because I have a secure base and can just focus on caring when I’m with others.

[Anonymous]

I don't have circles of friends. I have individual friends. Some of them know each other, but mostly not. It's fine.

[Anonymous]

Having friends is important for the social aspect. Since Covid, all my female friends moved away. I’m at a loss on how to make new friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have circles of friends. I have individual friends. Some of them know each other, but mostly not. It's fine.

+1 I think anyone deeply invested in a circle is going to be exclusive and judgmental. It’s fine to have groups of friends who know each other — and often there longer you’re friends with people the more they’ll know/know of your other friends — but it should be expected that you’ll have and make new friends or friends no one else knows or maintain friendships with people your other friends don’t adore and you should expect your friends to do the same.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

I actually think individual friendships are more important. Circle of friends is fine and will naturally happen in certain circumstances but those friendships rarely last beyond the moment they are convenient for--high school, college dorms, work friends, neighbors, PTA, etc. Of all of my friend groups throughout life, I am still friends with one or two people from those groups but not the entire group. It's just too hard to maintain--too many logistics when you are trying to arrange around everyone's schedule. Sure, it happens. But I think its rare. I prefer one on one time with people. Much less hassle and far less drama.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for individual friendships. Even if one of the people is tight with a larger circle, I never desire to join the circle. Just doesn't work for me. For a lot of the reasons you stated OP.
Cultivate what works for you.

[Anonymous]

I’ve never liked circles or groups of friends.

I have individual friends and sometimes I join their groups or I invite more than 1 at a time.

[Anonymous]

I can’t imagine circle of friends = a bunch of individual friendships.
I consider my circles to be more peripheral friendships; they are useful friendships, but not super close bonds.
Example: kids carpooling, hobby / task related, good for an emergency meal / ride / phone call, etc.

[Anonymous]

I think the goal should be true friends you enjoy and have fun with. It would be great if that was a circle of friends, but as others have said, those often go bad.

[Anonymous]

The friend that I have that are not part of a group require more effort.

I am 1:1 friends with several women that super extroverted and in multiple big (10 plus people) friend groups.

I don’t see those friends as much - I’m probably not on their radar as there is always something cooking within their groups.

Ultimately I feel like 1:1 is more important.
Mile wide, inch deep versus deep roots.