self-talk for worry

[Anonymous]

I couldn't decide whether to put this in the health section or adult children but decided to put it here, though this is a question related to anxiety.

What “self-talk” do you use to help yourself disengage in your mind from worry about your adult children?

I know that people, like myself, who are vulnerable to anxiety can worry about anything and everything. I find during these transition times of moving back from college (so nice to have DC home!), moving again in a couple of weeks for a summer job (so many moving parts! Am I doing too much or too little?!), I have lots of worries about near future and distant future (will DC be ok? What does that even mean?) rattling around in my head about my 20-year-old. I know it's not rational, meaning it's not rational because DC is doing well/great/fine + I can't control things anyway.

Just looking for a crowdsourced boost of ways to counterbalance irrational worries/perspective/grounding/etc. And, as I'm typing this all out I think I'm also looking to know that I'm not alone. I know these are not helpful or particularly rational thoughts but, it's almost like with so much going well and all this potential and possibility, my mind then thinks about everything in the future and all at once. WTH?!

[Anonymous]

Well, luckily 99% of things one worries about never happen and usually kids come out fine out of other 0.9%, only 0.1% actually happen and manifesting ability to control those is a futile delusion for humans..

[Anonymous]

Let it go. Let them fly. Live rest of your life with less stress.

[Anonymous]

Talking to parents with older children helps keep me in check. They remind me that as our kids age, we must stop back. The relationship changes.

[Anonymous]

I don't worry about any of that for my 20yo. Those are all his problems now.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are not alone. Not at all. Hopefully you, or we can help, you tweak the anxiety around it. Your thoughts are very normal.

[Anonymous]

12:02 again. I worry. DC has been financially independent since graduating college 6 yrs ago. Moved around a lot, lived in a lot of different places, different apartments which he always found/qualified for/paid for/moved to without our help, several different longish term GFs. Always steadily raising his income. Doesn't ask us for a thing. So much transition.

[Anonymous]

^ actually 8 years of this. Time does pass!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ actually 8 years of this. Time does pass!

OP here, thank you for your kind responses!

[Anonymous]

I find this very relatable but I have no suggestions. Mostly I remind myself it’s been ok so far and so will keep hoping for the best.

[Anonymous]

It’s so challenging for me. I try to remind myself as an earlier poster mentioned, most of the things we worry about never happen. Thus, I tell myself there is nothing to react to until something actually happens. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. My DD who seemed to be on solid ground during most of college is now floundering post-graduation. It’s hard!

[Anonymous]

OP, look into the ancient Greek philosoophy of Stoicism. It seems to be designed to get the mind out of anxiety.

[Anonymous]

I think it is extra hard for those of is with adult children who have some form of mental illness. My DD has ADHD, anxiety and is in recovery for an ED. she is really struggling right now and just found out that the guy she's been seeing wants to take a step back. I really worry about her going into a tail spin. I was up all night worrying, probably more than she was. Its hard to see our kids suffer or in pain and I know for me, I always want to fix it. I can't and I never could, all I can do is listen and be a soft spot for her to land.

My DS of similar age has no issues, happy in life. I really never worry about him, and he has no mental health issues so I guess that's why.

I am very close to my kids and I feel like I shoulder their stresses sometimes. I am seeking the answer to this question too OP!

[Anonymous]

It helps me to think about how well my kid has turned out. You should feel a pride in what you have accomplished in raising her to this point.

Think of people who have serious problems with their kids (et, addiction , criminality, mental illness). Your worries are much smaller and manageable.

Keep busy so you don’t have time to ponder it all at once.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talking to parents with older children helps keep me in check. They remind me that as our kids age, we must stop back. The relationship changes.

Very true.