Saw my mom and cried at her condition

[Anonymous]

I visited my mother in assisted living. The place is nice, so that’s not the issue.

She asked me the same question two times very close together. She used to repeat herself but not with the same question several times in a row. This seems like progression of the disease.

The answer I had to give was a difficult one for me, so I excused myself and cried quietly in her bathroom.

I don’t think she realized I was crying.

This is hard. This wasn’t the only bad thing to happen today. I guess I just could not take more.

[Anonymous]

I say this kindly, OP. You're going to have to toughen up. Your dear mother is going to get worse, and you'll have to be the person everyone relies on to figure things out.

Wishing you lots of strength in your ordeal.

[Anonymous]

Watching my dad's decline was so hard. It does get easier, the first few times are pretty jarring. You'll go through the stages of grief before she actually dies. I lost my dad while he was living. When he did eventually die, I wasn't heartbroken. I'd already mourned the loss of the dad I knew and I was glad he was finally a peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say this kindly, OP. You're going to have to toughen up. Your dear mother is going to get worse, and you'll have to be the person everyone relies on to figure things out.

Wishing you lots of strength in your ordeal.

I’ve buried a sibling, done vigils at bedsides of another parent and two grandparents. Two of them had long, slow pathways to death.

I say this kindly. You need to develop empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Watching my dad's decline was so hard. It does get easier, the first few times are pretty jarring. You'll go through the stages of grief before she actually dies. I lost my dad while he was living. When he did eventually die, I wasn't heartbroken. I'd already mourned the loss of the dad I knew and I was glad he was finally a peace.

I can sympathize. I have grieved my own dad while he lives and it’s a special sort of pain and loneliness! His medication is working now so he is kind of back and I am cherishing each call. I hope it lasts!!! Depression and dementia have taken him from Us before after brief respites so hopefully it will last a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this kindly, OP. You're going to have to toughen up. Your dear mother is going to get worse, and you'll have to be the person everyone relies on to figure things out.

Wishing you lots of strength in your ordeal.

I’ve buried a sibling, done vigils at bedsides of another parent and two grandparents. Two of them had long, slow pathways to death.

I say this kindly. You need to develop empathy.

You misunderstand. I have lots of sympathy, given my parents are going the same way. But it doesn't help to melt down in a puddle of tears. It's going to get worse before it gets over, so my advice to myself, and to OP, is to soldier on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Watching my dad's decline was so hard. It does get easier, the first few times are pretty jarring. You'll go through the stages of grief before she actually dies. I lost my dad while he was living. When he did eventually die, I wasn't heartbroken. I'd already mourned the loss of the dad I knew and I was glad he was finally a peace.

Thank you. I’m sorry you had to go through that. You described my exact experience of losing my dad long before he died.

Today, I got my own terrible diagnosis and am dealing with a spouse’s diagnosis and a mentally ill sibling.

It’s a lot.

OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this kindly, OP. You're going to have to toughen up. Your dear mother is going to get worse, and you'll have to be the person everyone relies on to figure things out.

Wishing you lots of strength in your ordeal.

I’ve buried a sibling, done vigils at bedsides of another parent and two grandparents. Two of them had long, slow pathways to death.

I say this kindly. You need to develop empathy.

You misunderstand. I have lots of sympathy, given my parents are going the same way. But it doesn't help to melt down in a puddle of tears. It's going to get worse before it gets over, so my advice to myself, and to OP, is to soldier on.

Your posts just get worse.

OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this kindly, OP. You're going to have to toughen up. Your dear mother is going to get worse, and you'll have to be the person everyone relies on to figure things out.

Wishing you lots of strength in your ordeal.

I’ve buried a sibling, done vigils at bedsides of another parent and two grandparents. Two of them had long, slow pathways to death.

I say this kindly. You need to develop empathy.

You misunderstand. I have lots of sympathy, given my parents are going the same way. But it doesn't help to melt down in a puddle of tears. It's going to get worse before it gets over, so my advice to myself, and to OP, is to soldier on.

She said empathy not sympathy - they're different - and this would have been a good place for you to respond with something like "Yeah, I get it. It is actually super hard. I know you'll find the strength but some days are not as good as others."

[Anonymous]

I'm so, so sorry OP. It's such a tough time of life. I hope you can get some rest tonight.

[Anonymous]

I don't have the eloquent wording of some other posters, but I wanted to chime in to say I'm sorry, OP.

I hope you find some strength and comfort in the words others have shared in here, and I thank others for sharing their love and experience with OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Watching my dad's decline was so hard. It does get easier, the first few times are pretty jarring. You'll go through the stages of grief before she actually dies. I lost my dad while he was living. When he did eventually die, I wasn't heartbroken. I'd already mourned the loss of the dad I knew and I was glad he was finally a peace.

Thank you. I’m sorry you had to go through that. You described my exact experience of losing my dad long before he died.

Today, I got my own terrible diagnosis and am dealing with a spouse’s diagnosis and a mentally ill sibling.

It’s a lot.

OP

That is a lot. And if the worst thing you did is cry a little in the bathroom, you are doing absolutely heroically.

[Anonymous]

My mom is deep into dementia now but I remember how hard it was at the beginning seeing the first stage of the illness. It’s shocking and jarring and scary and so sad. I’m so sorry.

[Anonymous]

OP, my heart goes out to you. That is a lot to carry at once. I just said a prayer for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this kindly, OP. You're going to have to toughen up. Your dear mother is going to get worse, and you'll have to be the person everyone relies on to figure things out.

Wishing you lots of strength in your ordeal.

I’ve buried a sibling, done vigils at bedsides of another parent and two grandparents. Two of them had long, slow pathways to death.

I say this kindly. You need to develop empathy.

You misunderstand. I have lots of sympathy, given my parents are going the same way. But it doesn't help to melt down in a puddle of tears. It's going to get worse before it gets over, so my advice to myself, and to OP, is to soldier on.

What is wrong with crying? Why is "wrong" to have emotions. If she wants to cry over the situation, that is a very healthy reaction to something she is experiencing. You do not understand what she is going through. I applaud her for realizing what her needs are during this very difficult time. Tears are a very appropriate response to stress.