I am utterly terrified of being alone

[Anonymous]

It is why I’ve put up with my toxic marriage for so long. And my husband knows this and he continues to emotionally abuse me and disrespect me. I’m not used to being by myself as I went from my parents house to college to moving in with him. I can’t fathom not having his support, driving me around, texting to ensure I’m ok, being my emergency contact etc.

Even with all the emotional pain… I have a person to depend on?

I know it’s messed up. I need help!

[Anonymous]

Where are you from?

[Anonymous]

Do you have a friend or sibling who can be your emergency contact? I'm almost 50 and mine has never once been contacted. Are you incapable of driving yourself places for some reason?

How supportive can he be if he is emotionally abusive and ridiculing you?

[Anonymous]

You need to get over this fear of being alone. You have co-dependency issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a friend or sibling who can be your emergency contact? I'm almost 50 and mine has never once been contacted. Are you incapable of driving yourself places for some reason?

How supportive can he be if he is emotionally abusive and ridiculing you?

This is OP. Since my husband drives me everywhere, I am not the best at driving on highways. I hate speeding and fast cars and get panic attacks. On my own I always take the backroads.

[Anonymous]

Therapy needed obviously, maybe meds for the panic. Being alone is much much better than being abused! The abuse is only going to get worse, not better!

[Anonymous]

Op
are you from Southeast Asia?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a friend or sibling who can be your emergency contact? I'm almost 50 and mine has never once been contacted. Are you incapable of driving yourself places for some reason?

How supportive can he be if he is emotionally abusive and ridiculing you?

This is OP. Since my husband drives me everywhere, I am not the best at driving on highways. I hate speeding and fast cars and get panic attacks. On my own I always take the backroads.

I knew a brilliant IT analyst whose spouse drove her to work. It sometimes happens that way - you just get dependent on your husband on things like this. I recommend practicing driving on highways on a Sunday morning where there is less traffic so you can build up your confidence.

[Anonymous]

Paying for ride-shares is a lot cheaper and less wearing on your soul than being in an abusive relationship. And any friend or neighbor would be happy to text to make sure you're OK—heck, you're more likely to be healthy and happy without a toxic spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Therapy needed obviously, maybe meds for the panic. Being alone is much much better than being abused! The abuse is only going to get worse, not better!

THIS. I’ve been in your shoes OP. it’s no way to live. I’m 4 years out and still not completely comfortable being alone. But being alone is waaaaay better than being abused. Sometimes I get lonely and shed a few tears. Then I remind myself that my loneliness brings me to tears monthly or so these days, compared to my abusive marriage which brought me to tears daily. So I’d say I’m winning!

[Anonymous]

You are enough. You can survive on your own. Yes, its going to be tough and scary at first but you'll learn and thrive. It doesn't sound like you two have kids together, why not give a shot to being on your own?

That being said, it seems a good therapist can help save your marriage. It's possible he is overwhelmed and resentful of your dependence on him. Not justifying it but just giving you another angle.

[Anonymous]

If you can’t imagine living without him texting you if you are OK, then you are the problem.

[Anonymous]

I have to admit I am surprised by your post because it's contrary to what women say her but I guess you are different. I think you should take inspiration from the divorced women on this forum who claim to be through thriving post divorce with endless men pursuing them etc....i don't think you will be alone if we go by what we read here on a daily basis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to admit I am surprised by your post because it's contrary to what women say her but I guess you are different. I think you should take inspiration from the divorced women on this forum who claim to be through thriving post divorce with endless men pursuing them etc....i don't think you will be alone if we go by what we read here on a daily basis.

I’m a divorced woman and I wouldn’t say I’m thriving, but I’m also not miserable. My experience is that there are tons of men who are interested in dating me. So I am not completely alone in a romantic sense. The level of closeness in a marriage doesn’t compare to dating, so I do miss that. But it’s absolutely not worth being emotionally abused for. So in the end I’m happy to be free, even if I miss deeper levels of companionship. It’s also possible to find a new true partner. It just takes time. You will have to learn how to be alone first to attract a healthy new partner though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a friend or sibling who can be your emergency contact? I'm almost 50 and mine has never once been contacted. Are you incapable of driving yourself places for some reason?

How supportive can he be if he is emotionally abusive and ridiculing you?

This is OP. Since my husband drives me everywhere, I am not the best at driving on highways. I hate speeding and fast cars and get panic attacks. On my own I always take the backroads.

So basically, you need highway practice and therapy (or therapy+meds) for your panic attacks.