Daughter doesn’t want to talk with Grandparents

[Anonymous]

My wife and I have a three year old daughter. For some context, she’s very close with my wife’s parents; they live 20 minutes away and we see them often. They are the stereotypical doting, loving grandparents; they’re very interactive with her and try to converse with her on her level (if that makes sense).

My parents are a two hour flight/10 hour drive. We see them maybe 3-4 times a year, but try to FaceTime periodically. They’re a bit more reserved. They’ll try to interact with her, but the way they talk to her it’s like they are trying to have a conversation with an adult, rather than a child. I’ve also found that they’ll talk to her for a bit, then want to talk about something else unrelated. That said, I know they do care about her.

The other day, I saw my Mom was calling, and asked my daughter “grandma is calling, do you want to talk to her?” My daughter said “no I don’t want to talk to her.” I asked her why not and she replied “because I don’t like her. She’s mean to me.” I have to admit I was taken a back a bit. I didn’t pick up the phone, but I just reiterated to DD that it’s okay if you don’t want to talk to people sometimes, but Grandma and Grandpa love her.

Ever since this happened, I’ve been having mixed feeling about how to approach it with my daughter. First of all, I have no reason to believe that my parents have said anything mean or unkind to Her. I want her to understand that yes, my parents may not be as much fun as my wife’s parents, but they still love her. On the other hand, she’s 3 (almost 4), and I want to respect and validate her feelings if she’s feeling uncomfortable around them.

[Anonymous]

I’d pretend she never said it. I’d also keep her FT short and make it more of a show and tell for now. And do it more often, not less.

[Anonymous]

Little kids don’t like FaceTimeing adults.

[Anonymous]

They dont know how to interact with a young child. That's not her fault. As she grows older hopefully they will not be so awkward.

[Anonymous]

She's 3. I wouldn't worry that this is a permanent feeling from her.

[Anonymous]

Agree that you shouldn’t think too much into this, but I wouldn’t make her FaceTime if she doesn’t want to. FaceTime is not much fun for most kids, and especially if you don’t have a super close foundation already.

She’s so little. Hopefully their relationship will blossom a bit when she’s older.

[Anonymous]

FaceTiming is so hard for little kids. My kid hated it.

[Anonymous]

I’d keep talking about them in conversation. Have her wish them a happy birthday on the phone and stuff like that where it’s short and sweet and doesn’t feel forced.
My mom lives in England and it sounds like a similar dynamic. I don’t force conversations. I do tell her she has to say hello though and give a greeting if it’s for a specific occasion.

[Anonymous]

My niece hates FT so her parents will record videos to send to the grandparents. You can customize it to say Hi grammy and grampy or whatever. That way they dont have to FT but still feel included.

[Anonymous]

She’s 3 years old. You are taking this way too seriously. Don’t worry about it and move on. They will either find a way to connect with her over time or they won’t. You won’t control it.

[Anonymous]

She doesn't like them because she feels like they don't like her. She's only 3 - can you suggest they read her a story over FaceTime? That is about the level of her attention span over a screen.

[Anonymous]

Have them read her a funny book for 2 minutes. She have a good time and want to see them again.

[Anonymous]

Don’t force the FaceTime. This is so normal.

I don’t believe in baby talk, FWIW. I have always talked to my kids like they were adults/actual people. Baby talk is for dogs, not humans.

[Anonymous]

Does anyone like FaceTime?

[Anonymous]

I agree that books might be the best way to interact with grandparents over FaceTime.