borderline personality disorder mom (undiagnosed) in nursing home?

[Anonymous]

Has anyone had a BPD mom in a nursing home? HOw did the adjustment period go? any tips?

[Anonymous]

If they are verbally abusive, you don't visit for a while. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand the subject matter.

If there's no diagnosis, WTAF are you doing labeling her in this way? Are you a clinician?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the subject matter.

If there's no diagnosis, WTAF are you doing labeling her in this way? Are you a clinician?

Agree!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the subject matter.

If there's no diagnosis, WTAF are you doing labeling her in this way? Are you a clinician?

I am. If you know anything about the subject matter, you'd know that most women of her generation would not be diagnosed because of stigma and they are going to be in denial and would refuse to participate in such an assessment so it's a presumptive diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the subject matter.

If there's no diagnosis, WTAF are you doing labeling her in this way? Are you a clinician?

RU ready to help OP or what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they are verbally abusive, you don't visit for a while. Full stop.

This.

[Anonymous]

I didn't understand that my mom was probably BPD until after she died and then a few years after that. A therapist I had a long time ago mentioned in passing, but I didn't really pay much heed to it, largely because my family life was so different than what my life had become that I chalked the situation more up to that then to possible BPD.

Now I am more aware. My mom had some different challenges and this clearly was another. I'm still able to have compassion even though all us kids and our dad were harmed in many ways. If she had been older, if my parents had been much better off, perhaps she would have sought treatment. But none of that happened and here I am with my own demons.

That said, she did largely fine in the nursing home. The staff were attuned to who would set her off and they arranged meal seatings accordingly. And she wasn't the only one who had a short trigger with some other residents. There were some bothered by her and at least one who tried to pinch stuff from her room.

TBH, I think nursing home staff see a lot of this and, ideally, they are able to handle, redirect, etc. The staff in my mom's wing were very good. My mom wasn't their easiest resident but she wasn't the most difficult and when she was with it, she was probably quick, funny, and appreciative of their efforts.

[Anonymous]

It's so much better than aging in place because they ensure the parent is getting the right mix of meds to manage things like rage. People complain about elders being over medicated at these places, but you need to know what that elder was like before meds and on a lower dose before you judge. Also, I think those who don't have a parent with a personality disorder cannot fathom just how bad things can be when the person isn't heavily sedated. My grandma was high as a kite at the nursing home because at a lower dose she was abusive-verbally and physically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't understand that my mom was probably BPD until after she died and then a few years after that. A therapist I had a long time ago mentioned in passing, but I didn't really pay much heed to it, largely because my family life was so different than what my life had become that I chalked the situation more up to that then to possible BPD.

Now I am more aware. My mom had some different challenges and this clearly was another. I'm still able to have compassion even though all us kids and our dad were harmed in many ways. If she had been older, if my parents had been much better off, perhaps she would have sought treatment. But none of that happened and here I am with my own demons.

That said, she did largely fine in the nursing home. The staff were attuned to who would set her off and they arranged meal seatings accordingly. And she wasn't the only one who had a short trigger with some other residents. There were some bothered by her and at least one who tried to pinch stuff from her room.

TBH, I think nursing home staff see a lot of this and, ideally, they are able to handle, redirect, etc. The staff in my mom's wing were very good. My mom wasn't their easiest resident but she wasn't the most difficult and when she was with it, she was probably quick, funny, and appreciative of their efforts.

Thank you, this was very helpful to read. And good point---my mom can definitely be funny when she wants to be. I keep hearing about how "cute" she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the subject matter.

If there's no diagnosis, WTAF are you doing labeling her in this way? Are you a clinician?

It actually isn't that hard when there is a clear pattern of very extreme behavior. DP.

[Anonymous]

OP ... if they'll take her
or... until they throw her out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP ... if they'll take her
or... until they throw her out.

I don't think they can throw her out of LTC. Assisted Living, yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the subject matter.

If there's no diagnosis, WTAF are you doing labeling her in this way? Are you a clinician?

I am. If you know anything about the subject matter, you'd know that most women of her generation would not be diagnosed because of stigma and they are going to be in denial and would refuse to participate in such an assessment so it's a presumptive diagnosis.

The vast majority of cluster B personality disorder people are never diagnosed. They don't think anything is wrong. Why would they go to a shrink?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the subject matter.

If there's no diagnosis, WTAF are you doing labeling her in this way? Are you a clinician?

Oh, please. Borderlines rarely think they are a problem or have a problem so they rarely get diagnosed.

My mom has many borderline traits but has never been diagnosed because she would not go to a psychiatrist.

OP-

I finally got my mom to a psychiatrist and got her on meds. I don’t think the tested her for borderlines but they ruled out Alzheimer’s and diagnosed her with major depressive disorder. The meds are a godsend.

Sadly, my sibling is now like my mom was so I get no real relief and people wonder why I am not completely messed up dealing with all the verbal abuse.

DP