Stress to the roof
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Anonymous
| How do you deal with it? Between my work, dh's work, teens who are moody and about to start the college process X 2 I feel like I am a stress sponge, constantly have something aggravating me, that I need to address. My vacation will be visiting my parents and honestly it feels like a chore as well. I love them but it won't be relaxing or something I am doing for myself. Not sure how I keep going like this all of next year. |
Anonymous
| I'm sorry. I deal with it by keeping visits to parents short and taking plenty of time off to stay at home and just putter around according to what I most feel like doing that instant. Doesn't change the situation but helps a lot with stress. |
Anonymous
| This is how I’ve been getting by: Make sure you’re getting enough sleep, exercise, and time to yourself. If something is not absolutely essential for you to do (like visiting ILs for instance or overseeing college applications), then opt out or get someone else to do it (your DH or pay someone, etc). |
Anonymous
I sleep enough, but not well. I am working 8-5 when I don't have overtime, then go straight into dinner mode, chores... Dh's job is a lot more stressful than mine. And we have two teens who drive and are busy but we do focus on them a lot when they are home. Yesterday I was helping them with end of year stuff. I used to exercise a lot when I worked part time. I don't realistically see it happening now given how exhausted I am by all the work and stress. I guess I am just venting, and really dreading this trip abroad I really have zero desire to go on and even resent. |
Anonymous
| Can you take any time off? Even a day or two here and there can be helpful, especially when no one else is home. |
Anonymous
This. Pretend to be sick. |
Anonymous
| Intense exhaustion here. Work is nuts, my direct reports are about to double with no pay raise or admin support ; two teens/tweens both moody and now both in therapy ( one had had lifelong challenges, the others needs are new); now add my mothers chronic pain that no one can figure out and dementia and it’s too much. This past week I took off Monday morning and Thursday afternoon to try to get her pain help and she just yelled and cried about how horrible her life is. I’m responsible for her care she is in assisted living near me but I’m there sometimes daily. She called me at 6 am this morning (Saturday) crying and calls sometimes 15 times a day am d I have to silence my phone at work.. I can’t take it anymore. I’ve used up so much leave for her and kids. Dh helps but he’s got his own mother to deal with and he frankly has a job where he usually wfh 3-4 hours tops so he’s also able to work out, sleep run errands etc. I’d rather not drag him down too much, one of us needs to function |
Anonymous
| Lexapro. |
Anonymous
| Exercise as much as possible. My therapist recommended nightly baths and they are really relaxing. |
Anonymous
The thing with your mom sounds really tough - but is there any way you could outsource it a little - maybe hire a social worker or set boundaries with her AL? Please focus on your kids who are in therapy. Your first responsibility has to be to them. Invest the time and energy NOW in helping them, looking at your parenting, family as a system, etc. You do not want to deal with this (your kids) spiraling out of control if you can put in the time and work now. signed, Mom of kids whose issues got a lot worse and it took years and years to get back on track |
Anonymous
|
Wake up early and go for a walk—great way to start your day.
Listen to fun, upbeat music or a comedy podcast during your commute—great way to adjust your mood. Take breaks during work to get a cold drink or walk around the block—a change of pace helps. Don’t be a martyr—the teens should be doing a lot of chores. You don’t want to send them off to college unequipped to cook, clean, run errands, etc. They need these life skills before they go away. Take an evening walk—ideally with your spouse or a kid. Great opportunity to relax and reconnect. Put fun things on your calendar. You should prioritize family travel before the kids launch. I like to have a trip to look forward to on the calendar. Aim for quarterly trips, even if they are short. No booze. Seriously. It makes everything worse. Enjoy visiting your elderly parents…they don’t live forever. Be grateful instead of stressed. It’s a mantra that helps you reset your attitude. It works. |
Anonymous
This seems like toxic positivity to me. |
Anonymous
| Have you tried going to bed really early, like after dinner, every night for a week? This is the only thing that helped my husband and me after a period of intense stress including multiple deaths of elderly parents etc. In our case we had to drive back and forth to the east coast multiple times to clear out houses etc. and we were almost catatonic with exhaustion. Another tip is to go somewhere for a weekend where you will not be disturbed (hotel room, airbnb, second home) and sleep day and night for an entire weekend. I have done this as well when exhausted and it works wonders. I remember that feeling of looking at things on the agenda and thinking “I just need to dig deeper, find a little more gas in the tank” and knowing that you have nothing more to give. Refuel. |
Anonymous
Okay. Then you do you. I’m a white collar professional with a ridiculously stressful job, a handful of kids, and daily caregiving responsibilities for an elderly parent, and these are the strategies I’ve employed to maintain good mental health and best handle the reality of the multiple stressors in my life. I’m not medicated and I don’t resort to alcohol. I don’t need to since I’m hyper aware of the fact that it’s easy to sink into negativity unless you directly recognize your situation and adjust your attitude and approach. If listening to upbeat music and comedy podcasts is toxic positivity, then count me in! I mean, what’s your alternative, pp? I have zero interest in being miserable or wallowing in self-pity. “Poor me! My life is so hard! Larlo and Larla have so many extracurriculars and opportunities to shine at myriad colleges—how we will ever handle all the applications?!?!” PS - Your teens should handle their own applications btw. You aren’t the one applying to college. And they should be doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen and bathrooms, cutting the lawn, running errands for you, etc. I have two in college and two still at home. Teach them life skills and it will help you and them. Also: taking walks with your husband or kids is a great way to relax and connect. But what do I know? I’m a toxically positive person ;0) |
Anonymous
NP. Perhaps. But mindset does make a difference, especially if the circumstances seem locked in for a while. It’s helped me, with my own struggles. And just sitting down with my DH to figure out if there is any flexibility/any changes or adjustments we can make. |