Chatty spouse, remote work

[Anonymous]

My husband doesn’t seem to read cues when I’m busy and not available to talk. This is worst when I’m busy at work and he isn’t. He will want to discuss anything from serious parent stuff to frivolous news, Reddit content etc., etc. He does this when I try to read right before bed too. Sometimes I say I’m busy, but it drives me a bit nuts that I have to basically say ‘stop talking to me.’

Other than more consistently asking him to save the conversation for later, are their better ways to get him to let me focus? Or maybe I’m wrong and I should just chat unless something is urgent at work? Side note My home office has no door.

[Anonymous]

Following- I have the same issue

[Anonymous]

You should have an agreement that he doesn't interrupt your work, but as the chatty spouse in my marriage I have to say I really appreciate my husband explicitly saying "I'd really like to just read my book and wind down right now, can we chat later?" And as long as we actually do, even if it's the next day or something, that's fine. What kills me is being endured.

[Anonymous]

1) you should proactively try and address the actual issues so they don’t linger on either of your minds;

2) if it’s a joke or something, I listen. But anything thats over 5 minutes, I consistently say how much I look forward to discussing this in a leisurely way at time X. I really try hard to strike the balance between acknowledging bids for connection and needing to not lose focus. We are in a much better place now than a few years ago, so it’s more important to me not to lose it than respond to an email asap.

3) you need a screen or something blocking you. I have a door and my whole family still comes in. But without a door it would be unbearable.

I think it’s a bad idea to crush a

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Following- I have the same issue

Me too. Except my spouse isn’t working right now, so the interruptions are even more frequent. I’m seriously considering paying for a co-working space.

[Anonymous]

Wear headphones

[Anonymous]

Tips on getting our spouses to shut. Up?

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[Anonymous]

This is my husband. He has adhd. He can talk about the most random stuff at the oddest times. He too can not read body language or social cues. Good thing he is trying to medicate but it’s not working… it’s truly him at the end of the day. I am a human being and fully capable of telling him “not right now.” “I need to get back to work.” Etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband doesn’t seem to read cues when I’m busy and not available to talk. This is worst when I’m busy at work and he isn’t. He will want to discuss anything from serious parent stuff to frivolous news, Reddit content etc., etc. He does this when I try to read right before bed too. Sometimes I say I’m busy, but it drives me a bit nuts that I have to basically say ‘stop talking to me.’

Other than more consistently asking him to save the conversation for later, are their better ways to get him to let me focus? Or maybe I’m wrong and I should just chat unless something is urgent at work? Side note My home office has no door.

So try words...

Seriously, tell him you can't talk at that time if you can't or that you don't want to talk at that time if you don't want to. Just be conscious of if you actually are willing to talk to him...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband doesn’t seem to read cues when I’m busy and not available to talk. This is worst when I’m busy at work and he isn’t. He will want to discuss anything from serious parent stuff to frivolous news, Reddit content etc., etc. He does this when I try to read right before bed too. Sometimes I say I’m busy, but it drives me a bit nuts that I have to basically say ‘stop talking to me.’

Other than more consistently asking him to save the conversation for later, are their better ways to get him to let me focus? Or maybe I’m wrong and I should just chat unless something is urgent at work? Side note My home office has no door.

Girl same. I don’t care about English soccer, or American soccer or Mexican soccer or Steven A.

[Anonymous]

Same problem here. My husband will come in and sit on the floor to play with the dog and chat while I'm working (the dog tends to stay with me). I have to ask them both to leave. It disrupts my concentration when I'm working on something and I wouldn't like it if I was in my employer based office and a colleague kept doing this. It feels disrespectful of my work, but there's history there.

[Anonymous]

Same issue with DW. Just the incessant nattering about the most inconsequential people and irrelevant conversations. There is only so much nodding and “really?” I can manage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my husband. He has adhd. He can talk about the most random stuff at the oddest times. He too can not read body language or social cues. Good thing he is trying to medicate but it’s not working… it’s truly him at the end of the day. I am a human being and fully capable of telling him “not right now.” “I need to get back to work.” Etc

I have ADHD and my wife knows this. She will see me clearly concentrating on some work wise and ask a totally random question or even worse make a statement that doesn’t require a response, need a response, dictate response and then wait a few seconds and say huh like she’s looking for a response Or that she missed the response that I didn’t give. And then the same Situation happens again, 10 seconds later. She will literally hear the phone call that I just had with somebody where it’s obvious. It’s a urgent situation. I need to put something together quickly and get it to somebody as quickly as possible and then go into this.

[Anonymous]

Get a door for you office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a door for you office.

+1. I work in a bedroom because we have an open plan house where only bedrooms, bathrooms, and closets have doors. If I had no bedroom, I’d make a closet my office.