For Catholics: Baptism Question

[Anonymous]

Please don’t judge me.

I was confirmed as Catholic because my parents forced it on me. Religion never made sense to me and I was never a believer.

I have a 5 yo and we don’t go to church and he was never baptized. I am married but not in the church. My husband was baptized Lutheran but not confirmed.

We have a long term family friend/nanny who is deeply religious (Catholic) and takes our son to Mass twice a week and to church events. Our son has special needs and absolutely loves Mass and is a bit of a rockstar at her parish. People love him and he loves going.

She has expressed concern over him not being baptized. She is literally like family to us and we value her.

I would like to get my son baptized because church has meaning for him and he enjoys it.

But how do we actually make this happen? How do we find a priest who will do it? Our nanny is married but not in the church. I understand that our Diocese is very conservative. The baptism form for the parish asks if the parents were married in the church and if the godparents were married in the church.

Can this be done? I feel we are running out of time to get this done. Do we just apply and see what the church says?

[Anonymous]

Our church might ask those questions on the form, I don't remember, but they don't require those things.

My BIL is Jewish. He and my Catholic sister were married outside the church. His wife was able to get her kids baptized.

I would go meet with the priest and ask him directly what you need.

Having said that, baptism is universal, so you could also go to an Episcopal church or a Lutheran church and get a baptism that's recognized by the Catholic church.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t judge me.

I was confirmed as Catholic because my parents forced it on me. Religion never made sense to me and I was never a believer.

I have a 5 yo and we don’t go to church and he was never baptized. I am married but not in the church. My husband was baptized Lutheran but not confirmed.

We have a long term family friend/nanny who is deeply religious (Catholic) and takes our son to Mass twice a week and to church events. Our son has special needs and absolutely loves Mass and is a bit of a rockstar at her parish. People love him and he loves going.

She has expressed concern over him not being baptized. She is literally like family to us and we value her.

I would like to get my son baptized because church has meaning for him and he enjoys it.

But how do we actually make this happen? How do we find a priest who will do it? Our nanny is married but not in the church. I understand that our Diocese is very conservative. The baptism form for the parish asks if the parents were married in the church and if the godparents were married in the church.

Can this be done? I feel we are running out of time to get this done. Do we just apply and see what the church says?

Anyone (even a non Christian) can perform a Catholic baptism so it absolutely can be done. Most Catholic parents obviously opt to have it done in a church by a priest (and of course the church encourages this route) but at the end of the day the intention is what matters so your nanny could just baptize him in your bathtub and it’s still a valid baptism.

[Anonymous]

You are getting bad info here.

Make an appointment to discuss with the priest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t judge me.

I was confirmed as Catholic because my parents forced it on me. Religion never made sense to me and I was never a believer.

I have a 5 yo and we don’t go to church and he was never baptized. I am married but not in the church. My husband was baptized Lutheran but not confirmed.

We have a long term family friend/nanny who is deeply religious (Catholic) and takes our son to Mass twice a week and to church events. Our son has special needs and absolutely loves Mass and is a bit of a rockstar at her parish. People love him and he loves going.

She has expressed concern over him not being baptized. She is literally like family to us and we value her.

I would like to get my son baptized because church has meaning for him and he enjoys it.

But how do we actually make this happen? How do we find a priest who will do it? Our nanny is married but not in the church. I understand that our Diocese is very conservative. The baptism form for the parish asks if the parents were married in the church and if the godparents were married in the church.

Can this be done? I feel we are running out of time to get this done. Do we just apply and see what the church says?

Anyone (even a non Christian) can perform a Catholic baptism so it absolutely can be done. Most Catholic parents obviously opt to have it done in a church by a priest (and of course the church encourages this route) but at the end of the day the intention is what matters so your nanny could just baptize him in your bathtub and it’s still a valid baptism.

I have never hard this. Some random parishioner can’t just decide to dunk a kid in their bathtub and call it a baptism.

[Anonymous]

PP’s are correct that anyone who intends what the Church intends and uses the correct formula can validly confer baptism; however, this is meant for emergencies (e.g. danger of death), and not to avoid following the normal procedure of having a bishop, priest or deacon perform the rites.

The primary obstacle OP is likely to face in seeking baptism at their local parish is the requirement of Canon 868 sec. 2 that “there must be a founded hope that the infant will be brought up in the Catholic religion.” As a non-practicing Catholic, OP needs to be prepared to address this. Will the nanny be responsible? Someone else? Or will OP be returning to a minimal degree of practice as well.

OP says time seems to be running out. It is not clear why. People defer baptism all the time, although it is a poor idea.

The best thing to do might be to go to the nanny’s parish and talk to the priest there to see what the reaction is.

[Anonymous]

You really need to call the church and ask to talk to someone about it. It’s possible they eagerly baptize your son and let your friend be the godmother. It’s also possible they want you to jump through hoops. But I bet if you explain just as you did in this post, they’ll want him baptized and help make it happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are getting bad info here.

Make an appointment to discuss with the priest.

Yes, do this. They will explain the steps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t judge me.

I was confirmed as Catholic because my parents forced it on me. Religion never made sense to me and I was never a believer.

I have a 5 yo and we don’t go to church and he was never baptized. I am married but not in the church. My husband was baptized Lutheran but not confirmed.

We have a long term family friend/nanny who is deeply religious (Catholic) and takes our son to Mass twice a week and to church events. Our son has special needs and absolutely loves Mass and is a bit of a rockstar at her parish. People love him and he loves going.

She has expressed concern over him not being baptized. She is literally like family to us and we value her.

I would like to get my son baptized because church has meaning for him and he enjoys it.

But how do we actually make this happen? How do we find a priest who will do it? Our nanny is married but not in the church. I understand that our Diocese is very conservative. The baptism form for the parish asks if the parents were married in the church and if the godparents were married in the church.

Can this be done? I feel we are running out of time to get this done. Do we just apply and see what the church says?

Anyone (even a non Christian) can perform a Catholic baptism so it absolutely can be done. Most Catholic parents obviously opt to have it done in a church by a priest (and of course the church encourages this route) but at the end of the day the intention is what matters so your nanny could just baptize him in your bathtub and it’s still a valid baptism.

I have never hard this. Some random parishioner can’t just decide to dunk a kid in their bathtub and call it a baptism.

Under the right circumstances, yes they can. From the catechism:

1256 The ordinary ministers of Baptism are the bishop and priest and, in the Latin Church, also the deacon.57 In case of necessity, any person, even someone not baptized, can baptize, if he has the required intention. the intention required is to will to do what the Church does when she baptizes, and to apply the Trinitarian baptismal formula. the Church finds the reason for this possibility in the universal saving will of God and the necessity of Baptism for salvation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t judge me.

I was confirmed as Catholic because my parents forced it on me. Religion never made sense to me and I was never a believer.

I have a 5 yo and we don’t go to church and he was never baptized. I am married but not in the church. My husband was baptized Lutheran but not confirmed.

We have a long term family friend/nanny who is deeply religious (Catholic) and takes our son to Mass twice a week and to church events. Our son has special needs and absolutely loves Mass and is a bit of a rockstar at her parish. People love him and he loves going.

She has expressed concern over him not being baptized. She is literally like family to us and we value her.

I would like to get my son baptized because church has meaning for him and he enjoys it.

But how do we actually make this happen? How do we find a priest who will do it? Our nanny is married but not in the church. I understand that our Diocese is very conservative. The baptism form for the parish asks if the parents were married in the church and if the godparents were married in the church.

Can this be done? I feel we are running out of time to get this done. Do we just apply and see what the church says?

Anyone (even a non Christian) can perform a Catholic baptism so it absolutely can be done. Most Catholic parents obviously opt to have it done in a church by a priest (and of course the church encourages this route) but at the end of the day the intention is what matters so your nanny could just baptize him in your bathtub and it’s still a valid baptism.

I have never hard this. Some random parishioner can’t just decide to dunk a kid in their bathtub and call it a baptism.

You are incorrect. Anyone. Believer. Non-believer. Atheist. Agnostic. Hindu. Buddhist. Anyone. Can validly confer baptism in a case of necessity so long as they (1) intend what the Church intends; (2) pour water over the person’s head; and (3) while doing so recite the minimum formula “[Name] I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP’s are correct that anyone who intends what the Church intends and uses the correct formula can validly confer baptism; however, this is meant for emergencies (e.g. danger of death), and not to avoid following the normal procedure of having a bishop, priest or deacon perform the rites.

The primary obstacle OP is likely to face in seeking baptism at their local parish is the requirement of Canon 868 sec. 2 that “there must be a founded hope that the infant will be brought up in the Catholic religion.” As a non-practicing Catholic, OP needs to be prepared to address this. Will the nanny be responsible? Someone else? Or will OP be returning to a minimal degree of practice as well.

OP says time seems to be running out. It is not clear why. People defer baptism all the time, although it is a poor idea.

The best thing to do might be to go to the nanny’s parish and talk to the priest there to see what the reaction is.

Op here. I have gone to a couple events at the church but never mass. I am willing to go to mass for a couple months if it convinces the priest to the baptism. I shouldn’t take communion, though, right? Because I don’t believe?

Church may not be my thing but I don’t want to do anything disrespectful.

I think it’s very important to our nanny to have this done, and in the church formally.

I thought they wouldn’t baptize a child over 7, so that’s where the urgency was coming from for me. But perhaps I’m wrong about that, it sounds like.

[Anonymous]

We just had our 8 year old baptized. The priest insisted on sending him to weekly classes for several months, which he did. In the end, he was baptized and took his first Holy Communion at the same ceremony. He will have his choice on future confirmation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP’s are correct that anyone who intends what the Church intends and uses the correct formula can validly confer baptism; however, this is meant for emergencies (e.g. danger of death), and not to avoid following the normal procedure of having a bishop, priest or deacon perform the rites.

The primary obstacle OP is likely to face in seeking baptism at their local parish is the requirement of Canon 868 sec. 2 that “there must be a founded hope that the infant will be brought up in the Catholic religion.” As a non-practicing Catholic, OP needs to be prepared to address this. Will the nanny be responsible? Someone else? Or will OP be returning to a minimal degree of practice as well.

OP says time seems to be running out. It is not clear why. People defer baptism all the time, although it is a poor idea.

The best thing to do might be to go to the nanny’s parish and talk to the priest there to see what the reaction is.

Op here. I have gone to a couple events at the church but never mass. I am willing to go to mass for a couple months if it convinces the priest to the baptism. I shouldn’t take communion, though, right? Because I don’t believe?

Church may not be my thing but I don’t want to do anything disrespectful.

I think it’s very important to our nanny to have this done, and in the church formally.

I thought they wouldn’t baptize a child over 7, so that’s where the urgency was coming from for me. But perhaps I’m wrong about that, it sounds like.

The Catholic church has two routes to baptism or communion. One is generally thought of as for infants, but it's for kids 7 and under, and is two steps. Parents make a decision to have their kids baptized, and then they take classes to prepare for communion at a later date. The other route is called the "Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults" and is for 8 and up, and includes classes. In that case Baptism and Communion usually happen at the same service, usually at the Easter Vigil.

So, you are right that things change at 7, but people can be baptized after 7.

While the church will recognize a baptism done at home, Catholics are expected to have their kids baptized at a church unless there's an emergency. If your nanny is a devout Catholic she's not going to do a home baptism unless someone is dying.

Meet with the priest. That's really the way forward here. The priest wants your kid baptized. Those of us who believe would say that Jesus wants your kid baptized. He will help you figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP’s are correct that anyone who intends what the Church intends and uses the correct formula can validly confer baptism; however, this is meant for emergencies (e.g. danger of death), and not to avoid following the normal procedure of having a bishop, priest or deacon perform the rites.

The primary obstacle OP is likely to face in seeking baptism at their local parish is the requirement of Canon 868 sec. 2 that “there must be a founded hope that the infant will be brought up in the Catholic religion.” As a non-practicing Catholic, OP needs to be prepared to address this. Will the nanny be responsible? Someone else? Or will OP be returning to a minimal degree of practice as well.

OP says time seems to be running out. It is not clear why. People defer baptism all the time, although it is a poor idea.

The best thing to do might be to go to the nanny’s parish and talk to the priest there to see what the reaction is.

Op here. I have gone to a couple events at the church but never mass. I am willing to go to mass for a couple months if it convinces the priest to the baptism. I shouldn’t take communion, though, right? Because I don’t believe?

Church may not be my thing but I don’t want to do anything disrespectful.

I think it’s very important to our nanny to have this done, and in the church formally.

I thought they wouldn’t baptize a child over 7, so that’s where the urgency was coming from for me. But perhaps I’m wrong about that, it sounds like.

First, a clarification. Catholics “receive” communion, they do not “take” it; the latter concept and language being more Anglican/Episcopal in nature and origin.

Second, your professed unbelief may or may not be a bar to receiving the Eucharist. Receiving in the face of doubt, even strong doubt, can be an act of Faith in and of itself. But if all you would be doing is simulating to fit it, that would be wrong. If you do want to receive the Eucharist, you ought to go to confession first, having not been active for a time. That might also give an opportunity to talk over some of your belief issues with the priest.

The whole “age 7” thing has to do with the age of reason. Kids have no more business in RCIA than a giraffe, but they do need proper, ongoing, religious instruction. It is not just about baptism. It is about a lifelong and eternal relationship with the Living God. If your child is baptized and continues to attend Mass (a proper noun requiring capitalization) they are going to want to receive the other sacraments as time goes by and their Catholic identity develops. That requires training and instruction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t judge me.

I was confirmed as Catholic because my parents forced it on me. Religion never made sense to me and I was never a believer.

I have a 5 yo and we don’t go to church and he was never baptized. I am married but not in the church. My husband was baptized Lutheran but not confirmed.

We have a long term family friend/nanny who is deeply religious (Catholic) and takes our son to Mass twice a week and to church events. Our son has special needs and absolutely loves Mass and is a bit of a rockstar at her parish. People love him and he loves going.

She has expressed concern over him not being baptized. She is literally like family to us and we value her.

I would like to get my son baptized because church has meaning for him and he enjoys it.

But how do we actually make this happen? How do we find a priest who will do it? Our nanny is married but not in the church. I understand that our Diocese is very conservative. The baptism form for the parish asks if the parents were married in the church and if the godparents were married in the church.

Can this be done? I feel we are running out of time to get this done. Do we just apply and see what the church says?

Anyone (even a non Christian) can perform a Catholic baptism so it absolutely can be done. Most Catholic parents obviously opt to have it done in a church by a priest (and of course the church encourages this route) but at the end of the day the intention is what matters so your nanny could just baptize him in your bathtub and it’s still a valid baptism.

I have never hard this. Some random parishioner can’t just decide to dunk a kid in their bathtub and call it a baptism.

You are incorrect. Anyone. Believer. Non-believer. Atheist. Agnostic. Hindu. Buddhist. Anyone. Can validly confer baptism in a case of necessity so long as they (1) intend what the Church intends; (2) pour water over the person’s head; and (3) while doing so recite the minimum formula “[Name] I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.”

+1 This is absolutely all you need for a valid Catholic baptism. My parents report that they were not attending Mass when I was born, so my Catholic grandmothers each baptized me themselves at home. I was baptized a third time in a church. I think technically, only the first one counts.