AITA Aunt? (graduation)

[Anonymous]

Nephew is graduating college (driving distance from DC). I... don't want to go and spend my whole weekend at a college graduation. I never had aunts/uncles involved in my life and don't really know what's normal in these cases.

AITA Aunt for simply not wanting to go, and using my weekend to recharge and do needed stuff? To celebrate with them later, and send him a nice check?

Parents of grads... do you really expect local relatives to attend graduation of your kids?

[Anonymous]

I would only have invited local (less than an hour away) family to the party (not ceremony unless they had expressed interest). I would definitely not expect someone to stay the weekend.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t expect my sister to go to my son’s graduation if it was local. I hate graduations lol.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the closeness of relationship.

Don’t go if you don’t want to. Easy.

[Anonymous]

I mean I don't think you're an a-hole, but you sound defensive and put off that you were even invited. Which I do not understand. Family is important to me, and even if I was not close to said nephew or his parents, I would definitely show up. It's a good chance to see family that maybe you never see, be a part of an important family moment, and showing up for stuff means a lot to people. But those kinds of things are important to me. I don't think anyone should make you feel bad about not going, but I also do not understand "I just don't want to". Unless there are some toxic dynamics within the family that you have not shared, that affect you in a negative way?

[Anonymous]

If it's less than an hour away, I would be prepared to go, but only if they invited me. I purposefully didn't invite anyone to my son's high school graduation, because it's not that big a deal. College graduation is the real thing, and PhDs even more so, but by then I don't know if anyone will be left to attend in terms of close friends, who will perhaps move away from the area, and elderly relatives, who might not be mobile enough. Even more so for my younger kids' graduations.

So I think it depends on how close this event is and whether your sibling really expects you to go. I suppose different families have different expections on this.

[Anonymous]

I find graduation ceremonies, including my own, extremely boring. I wouldn't think twice if relatives didn't come.

[Anonymous]

You're not an AH, but not going because you'd rather "recharge" sends a message that you don't value the relationship. That's fine if it's true.

[Anonymous]

^ too tired. Expectations!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean I don't think you're an a-hole, but you sound defensive and put off that you were even invited. Which I do not understand. Family is important to me, and even if I was not close to said nephew or his parents, I would definitely show up. It's a good chance to see family that maybe you never see, be a part of an important family moment, and showing up for stuff means a lot to people. But those kinds of things are important to me. I don't think anyone should make you feel bad about not going, but I also do not understand "I just don't want to". Unless there are some toxic dynamics within the family that you have not shared, that affect you in a negative way?

Have.... you ever even been to a graduation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean I don't think you're an a-hole, but you sound defensive and put off that you were even invited. Which I do not understand. Family is important to me, and even if I was not close to said nephew or his parents, I would definitely show up. It's a good chance to see family that maybe you never see, be a part of an important family moment, and showing up for stuff means a lot to people. But those kinds of things are important to me. I don't think anyone should make you feel bad about not going, but I also do not understand "I just don't want to". Unless there are some toxic dynamics within the family that you have not shared, that affect you in a negative way?

Have.... you ever even been to a graduation?

Yes, all three of my nephews and my own two kids.

[Anonymous]

I get it. DD is graduating and I didn’t even invite local family to the ceremony because I didn’t want them to feel pressured to attend. I don’t enjoy these things myself (though I will in this case since it’s my own daughter). It would be different if a local relative asked to attend. Meanwhile, we have been invited to my nieces graduation party. I’m tempted to decline because its a work night but I love my niece and don’t want to disappoint her or my sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it's less than an hour away, I would be prepared to go, but only if they invited me. I purposefully didn't invite anyone to my son's high school graduation, because it's not that big a deal. College graduation is the real thing, and PhDs even more so, but by then I don't know if anyone will be left to attend in terms of close friends, who will perhaps move away from the area, and elderly relatives, who might not be mobile enough. Even more so for my younger kids' graduations.

So I think it depends on how close this event is and whether your sibling really expects you to go. I suppose different families have different expections on this.

HS graduation might not be a big deal to you but for those of us with a kid that struggles that’s kinda rude.

[Anonymous]

The graduation itself might be boring but the family party part I would make an effort to go to as long as I could get there and back in a day.

[Anonymous]

OP here. It's about a 3 hour drive for me, and would require a hotel. Plus a pet sitter.

If it were 1 hour I'd absolutely go, but sacrificing my whole weekend for about a few minutes of excitement and a lot of waiting around and driving...