please remind me that it's not me going to school

[Anonymous]

DS will be a freshman at an atypical school, and I'm struggling a bit (just a bit!) with the fact he won't have a regular college experience - nor will DH and I get the usual parental experience (whatever that is, but I feel like my parents got it). Just need a reality check. Can DCUM be kind about it?

[Anonymous]

More info -- like are they going to a service academy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More info -- like are they going to a service academy?

Yes. But I think this would apply to other situations, too, like overseas or just tiny SLAC vs. large rah-rah public.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, are they going to Julliard or Berklee...or even something like the Webb Institute that specializes in maritime/Naval design (and always shows up with the highest paying grads on average)?

[Anonymous]

Yep. Different people, different personalities, different likes.

I was big public state school, loved tailgates and the anonymity of a big school.

Senior didn't apply to any school above 7,000 students and his first choice was a small SLAC.

[Anonymous]

Transferring is not THAT bad if things don't work out. I transferred schools with no issues. In the case of a service academy, I had a HS classmate bail out of AFA after one year. DS had a friend that left VMI after one. Commitment as an 18yo is not the be all, end all. Who knows, it may turn out to be the perfect choice.

[Anonymous]

At some point we all have to reckon with our kids going down a different path because they are their own people. I went to a highly selective school and have multiple advanced degrees. My kid may end up at a lower level state school or a community college. It’s taken me a long time to realize that my assumptions about what makes for a good life are me-specific. I do my kid a disservice - and spend a lot of foolish time and energy - worrying because his path isn’t the same as mine. Trust your kid knows what is best for them right now…or at least trust that they have the skills and fortitude to thrive through their own mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Opposite experience here - I went to a tiny SLAC and kid is headed off to a giant flagship and I'm terrified for her. But she couldn't be more excited. They are their own people and it will be ok!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At some point we all have to reckon with our kids going down a different path because they are their own people. I went to a highly selective school and have multiple advanced degrees. My kid may end up at a lower level state school or a community college. It’s taken me a long time to realize that my assumptions about what makes for a good life are me-specific. I do my kid a disservice - and spend a lot of foolish time and energy - worrying because his path isn’t the same as mine. Trust your kid knows what is best for them right now…or at least trust that they have the skills and fortitude to thrive through their own mistakes.

I too think I’ve spent an enormous amount of time worrying about my kid’s path. I give myself a reality check now and then when I wonder if my parents spent all this time worrying about my future (they didn’t!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS will be a freshman at an atypical school, and I'm struggling a bit (just a bit!) with the fact he won't have a regular college experience - nor will DH and I get the usual parental experience (whatever that is, but I feel like my parents got it). Just need a reality check. Can DCUM be kind about it?

My parents (specifically my mom) tainted many parts of my college experience by acting like vampires and trying to have it for themselves. I think that the not-usual parental experience is a really healthy experience for both parents and students. It's important to remember that there isn't a typical parent experience across all schools. My experience as a parent of a kid in the greek system at an SEC school is wildly different than my experience as a parent of a kid at an ivy. So even if your child wasn't going to the school they've chosen, you'd never be able to have the "one" standard experience. No matter what they choose, you're leaving a million possibilities on the table. Remember that someone else is longing for the experience you're going to have!

Enjoy the one he's earned and chosen and don't forget to celebrate!

[Anonymous]

It's not about you. Your kid chose a school that was a good match for them. You'll find you own parent experiences. Seems like this is a good time for you to make a life that is separate from your kid

[Anonymous]

"Regular college experience" means different things to different people.

What you mean is he won't have your college experience. Frankly, even if he had gone to your alma mater, he might not have had your college experience anyway. Let your kid live his own life. (I admit that this is easy for me to say, since I attended a women's college and have boys, so they won't have the college experience I loved either.)

[Anonymous]

Your question indicates that you have healthy instincts and know you are close to overstepping an appropriate role.

Good guardrails.

Your kid is not you. They have chosen a path that feels right to them. Help them believe that you believe in them, and their readiness for the next step in their development!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your question indicates that you have healthy instincts and know you are close to overstepping an appropriate role.

Good guardrails.

Your kid is not you. They have chosen a path that feels right to them. Help them believe that you believe in them, and their readiness for the next step in their development!

I thought the same thing, OP. Good on you 😊

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS will be a freshman at an atypical school, and I'm struggling a bit (just a bit!) with the fact he won't have a regular college experience - nor will DH and I get the usual parental experience (whatever that is, but I feel like my parents got it). Just need a reality check. Can DCUM be kind about it?

My parents (specifically my mom) tainted many parts of my college experience by acting like vampires and trying to have it for themselves. I think that the not-usual parental experience is a really healthy experience for both parents and students. It's important to remember that there isn't a typical parent experience across all schools. My experience as a parent of a kid in the greek system at an SEC school is wildly different than my experience as a parent of a kid at an ivy. So even if your child wasn't going to the school they've chosen, you'd never be able to have the "one" standard experience. No matter what they choose, you're leaving a million possibilities on the table. Remember that someone else is longing for the experience you're going to have!

Enjoy the one he's earned and chosen and don't forget to celebrate!

NP here; how did your parents act as vampires when you were at college ? Just curious in case I’m doing some of the same things!! ( I’m pretty sure I’m not , I’m giving him his own distance, he’s learning from some mistakes and I don’t text and call too much!)