please remind me that it's not me going to school

[Anonymous]

Reminder, you are not attending your kid's school... they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reminder, you are not attending your kid's school... they are.

Thats really not very kind or helpful to OP, at a time when she is hurting and understandably anxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Opposite experience here - I went to a tiny SLAC and kid is headed off to a giant flagship and I'm terrified for her. But she couldn't be more excited. They are their own people and it will be ok!

Great attitude! I went to a gigantic flagship and loved it! My kid selected just the opposite, which suits him.

(fwiw, my parents did not have an "experience" at my flagship, other than dropping me off and picking me up at year end, as they were not attending college for the 2nd time).

[Anonymous]

Hi OP!

Would there possibly be some way to have a livestream type web-cam installed in your child’s room? I feel like that could go a long way toward alleviating some anxiety on your part.

[Anonymous]

You need to untangle from the enmeshment you have with your child. Presumably they are doing what is best for their life. They can't live their lives for you.

[Anonymous]

Ok, you're reminded. Get a f'ing life. Stop being a loser.

[Anonymous]

It's hard, but they will have their own memories, traditions and stories to tell.

And the price is right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reminder, you are not attending your kid's school... they are.

Thats really not very kind or helpful to OP, at a time when she is hurting and understandably anxious.

How is it not helpful? PP did exactly what was asked.

[Anonymous]

Problem with the big schools is that your student is just a number

[Anonymous]

It’s hard to let go, wherever they go. Maybe your feelings are also about that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS will be a freshman at an atypical school, and I'm struggling a bit (just a bit!) with the fact he won't have a regular college experience - nor will DH and I get the usual parental experience (whatever that is, but I feel like my parents got it). Just need a reality check. Can DCUM be kind about it?

This realization came to me during an admitted students and families event and I saw DC willingly interacting with people and even initiating interactions with them. This isn't their norm and it was great seeing them take ownership of this experience. We ended up going to separate sessions for the two days. In some ways I am jealous they get to experience this college life that I did not (I went to a commuter school outside the US). However I am excited for everything there is to come for them. I hope they learn a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS will be a freshman at an atypical school, and I'm struggling a bit (just a bit!) with the fact he won't have a regular college experience - nor will DH and I get the usual parental experience (whatever that is, but I feel like my parents got it). Just need a reality check. Can DCUM be kind about it?

My parents (specifically my mom) tainted many parts of my college experience by acting like vampires and trying to have it for themselves. I think that the not-usual parental experience is a really healthy experience for both parents and students. It's important to remember that there isn't a typical parent experience across all schools. My experience as a parent of a kid in the greek system at an SEC school is wildly different than my experience as a parent of a kid at an ivy. So even if your child wasn't going to the school they've chosen, you'd never be able to have the "one" standard experience. No matter what they choose, you're leaving a million possibilities on the table. Remember that someone else is longing for the experience you're going to have!

Enjoy the one he's earned and chosen and don't forget to celebrate!

NP here; how did your parents act as vampires when you were at college ? Just curious in case I’m doing some of the same things!! ( I’m pretty sure I’m not , I’m giving him his own distance, he’s learning from some mistakes and I don’t text and call too much!)

I think you're ok. I'm the PP you're replying to and for me it was printing and saving any emails I sent home and reading them out to people who came to visit, buying heaps of "X SCHOOL MOM" gear, talking about my school as if it were there alma mater, dictating my major, getting really greedy and weird about visiting weekends and parents' weekends, etc. They would do online research and constantly share tidbits and trivia about my school with me, and would talk about famous alumni from there as if they were now our distant relatives. It was weird and sad. If you're on DCUM you've probably found a healthier way to waste time and you're good!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS will be a freshman at an atypical school, and I'm struggling a bit (just a bit!) with the fact he won't have a regular college experience - nor will DH and I get the usual parental experience (whatever that is, but I feel like my parents got it). Just need a reality check. Can DCUM be kind about it?

Besides getting stuff and helping DC move in/out the past 2 years, I wouldn't say it's been much of a "parental experience" for me, and DC is just a couple hours away. DC also looked at a service academy, and there seemed to be a lot more parental events and ceremonies there than a typical college. I would be more concerned with making sure he feels it's the right fit within the first 2 years and that he still wants to commit to serving the 5 years after graduation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS will be a freshman at an atypical school, and I'm struggling a bit (just a bit!) with the fact he won't have a regular college experience - nor will DH and I get the usual parental experience (whatever that is, but I feel like my parents got it). Just need a reality check. Can DCUM be kind about it?

My parents (specifically my mom) tainted many parts of my college experience by acting like vampires and trying to have it for themselves. I think that the not-usual parental experience is a really healthy experience for both parents and students. It's important to remember that there isn't a typical parent experience across all schools. My experience as a parent of a kid in the greek system at an SEC school is wildly different than my experience as a parent of a kid at an ivy. So even if your child wasn't going to the school they've chosen, you'd never be able to have the "one" standard experience. No matter what they choose, you're leaving a million possibilities on the table. Remember that someone else is longing for the experience you're going to have!

Enjoy the one he's earned and chosen and don't forget to celebrate!

NP here; how did your parents act as vampires when you were at college ? Just curious in case I’m doing some of the same things!! ( I’m pretty sure I’m not , I’m giving him his own distance, he’s learning from some mistakes and I don’t text and call too much!)

I think you're ok. I'm the PP you're replying to and for me it was printing and saving any emails I sent home and reading them out to people who came to visit, buying heaps of "X SCHOOL MOM" gear, talking about my school as if it were there alma mater, dictating my major, getting really greedy and weird about visiting weekends and parents' weekends, etc. They would do online research and constantly share tidbits and trivia about my school with me, and would talk about famous alumni from there as if they were now our distant relatives. It was weird and sad. If you're on DCUM you've probably found a healthier way to waste time and you're good!

I hope the bolded was said with sarcasm...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Opposite experience here - I went to a tiny SLAC and kid is headed off to a giant flagship and I'm terrified for her. But she couldn't be more excited. They are their own people and it will be ok!

Great attitude! I went to a gigantic flagship and loved it! My kid selected just the opposite, which suits him.

(fwiw, my parents did not have an "experience" at my flagship, other than dropping me off and picking me up at year end, as they were not attending college for the 2nd time).

Right?! That's basically what I do, but this thread has me wondering whether that's enough. I mean, if DC indicated I should be there more, I would, but it hasn't happened.