please remind me that it's not me going to school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:More info -- like are they going to a service academy?

Yes. But I think this would apply to other situations, too, like overseas or just tiny SLAC vs. large rah-rah public.

I’m taking a leap in assuming it’s more about you not feeling connected to other parents you know or feeling like you won’t be able to connect to your kid because their experience will be outside of your own. The other way of looking at this is to acknowledge that it is new and outside your experience but there might be a new community to connect with like other parents with kids at x - studying overseas, going to small SLACS, attending Juilliard etc. and learn from parents that have BTDT. You can also connect with your kid about it being new experiences for you on the parent side and for them in the student side and it being more about inquiring and listening what it’s like than having a set notion. Sometimes not having a preconceived that an experience has to be a certain way is better - they forge their own path without that pressure and you have to ask and listen rather than assume.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Problem with the big schools is that your student is just a number

I heard that line hundreds of times 50 yrs ago when I was in high school near Boston. “Oh, you don’t want to go to UMass—you’re just a number there,” was like a mantra among my classmates.

But the kids who went to UMass (& paid something like $300 per YEAR in tuition) did just fine (I didn’t go there).

I’ve attended a bunch of schools over the years, from a 230-student private to a 60,000-student public, and at each one of them I was a number to some people, & other people cared about me deeply. You can make any school feel big or small via your own attitude & actions.

[Anonymous]

I’m not understanding what experience you think you deserve as a parent, OP? I have two in college - I don’t have anything to do with their colleges directly except paying the bills. I do keep connected to my kids to hear about their experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS will be a freshman at an atypical school, and I'm struggling a bit (just a bit!) with the fact he won't have a regular college experience - nor will DH and I get the usual parental experience (whatever that is, but I feel like my parents got it). Just need a reality check. Can DCUM be kind about it?

My parents (specifically my mom) tainted many parts of my college experience by acting like vampires and trying to have it for themselves. I think that the not-usual parental experience is a really healthy experience for both parents and students. It's important to remember that there isn't a typical parent experience across all schools. My experience as a parent of a kid in the greek system at an SEC school is wildly different than my experience as a parent of a kid at an ivy. So even if your child wasn't going to the school they've chosen, you'd never be able to have the "one" standard experience. No matter what they choose, you're leaving a million possibilities on the table. Remember that someone else is longing for the experience you're going to have!

Enjoy the one he's earned and chosen and don't forget to celebrate!

NP here; how did your parents act as vampires when you were at college ? Just curious in case I’m doing some of the same things!! ( I’m pretty sure I’m not , I’m giving him his own distance, he’s learning from some mistakes and I don’t text and call too much!)

I think you're ok. I'm the PP you're replying to and for me it was printing and saving any emails I sent home and reading them out to people who came to visit, buying heaps of "X SCHOOL MOM" gear, talking about my school as if it were there alma mater, dictating my major, getting really greedy and weird about visiting weekends and parents' weekends, etc. They would do online research and constantly share tidbits and trivia about my school with me, and would talk about famous alumni from there as if they were now our distant relatives. It was weird and sad. If you're on DCUM you've probably found a healthier way to waste time and you're good!

Thank you for replying back! The only one that I think I’m guilty of is encouraging (my word lol) of majoring in something that’s marketable. I’m first gen and I want him to have an easier time out of the gate than I did (I was a bit clueless about majors when I was in school and had to go back for a second degree). I follow education and the job market but I never let on how much research I do; I just casually mention something randomly. He’s in the right direction by his own doing, but I always don’t want to become “that Mom”. And yes, I do go on DCUM often, but I’m trying to taper off!😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not understanding what experience you think you deserve as a parent, OP? I have two in college - I don’t have anything to do with their colleges directly except paying the bills. I do keep connected to my kids to hear about their experiences.

Since her kid is going to a service academy, perhaps that's the parent experience she's worried about missing?