How to heal relationship between schools and families.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been thinking a lot on this topic, because there is what I see as a huge issue facing special education that makes outcomes worse for students. Disclaimer- I am a special educator who also has a child with ADHD, which makes me see things from both sides, the good and the bad.

Parents do not trust their schools. Sometimes for good reason- they’ve had bad experiences. Sometimes because they see a different child at home than their teachers do at school. I myself did not trust my child’s teacher when she said she was doing well and only needed a 504, because this child is a mess!! I live with her and see how disorganized she is. And sometimes for no good reason. Maybe someone on this board posted not to trust their school, or they have big misconceptions about the purpose of special education and allocation of resources.

The most talented special education professionals leave because of this. My friend, who is in my humble opinion an incredible teacher, left because she had many parents of her students who made it clear they didn’t trust her. They continually demanded daily email responses, logs of services provided, and 6 IEP meetings per year, each a contentious multi hour process. I have switched to a title one school, which I love because the parents are generally very grateful that we are helping their child and trusting of us as professionals. Special education positions aren’t easy to fill, and resources aren’t getting any more allocated to us by either political party. I think healing the anger that families feel is our first step towards success for our students. . I’m open to ideas on how we can do that ,

[Anonymous]

For me, I think it is the lack of funding/resources at the school level.

Background: When my child was struggling in reading in first grade, the school said they were not enough behind to get any help.

Comes second grade, child is still struggling. No help from the school, we get a private tutor because child comes home crying. We needed to do something to help the child, so we schedule testing. At of second grade, we do private testing and child was diagnosed with dyslexia.

IEP: Only after the private testing we were able to get an IEP and help from school. The school lost my trust during this process. They can’t (or want) provide enough resources| hours to remediate the issue. Child is still in private tutoring.

School: I do believe the sped department is doing the best they can with the limited resources they have, but it is not enough for my child (and many more).

I think about all time… what will happen to the kids like my child that don’t have the same support at home, what will happen to them?

[Anonymous]

My child has level 1 autism and I was told I was too overbearing for asking for an update once every two months on assignments not completed and twice a year updates on overall observations both for 504 meetings. I watch other disabilities get so much more attention. Even outside the school tons of free events for the kids and families and I'm jealous. I feel like the meetings and updates should be stipulated as part of the 504 and then followed through. And that there should be a middle groundel between self contained classes and gen ed classes. Why can't we have a spectrum of help?

[Anonymous]

The fundamental problem is that IDEA has created a bottomless pit of unfunded entitlements. The federal government has imposed huge requirements on school systems while not covering even a fifth of the cost, and the percentage of students covered by the law has doubled and then tripled. The gap between what parents very reasonably feel they are legally entitled to for their child (since that's what IDEA says), and what the school system is actually physically capable of providing, and the tension of trying to magically make 1+1=3, is driving parents crazy and burning out staff. And then the problem snowballs because less staff makes it all worse. Everyone is in a no-win situation.

I think the system is fundamentally broken, possibly beyond repair, we just haven't realized it yet. Special education staffing shortages are going to keep getting worse and bring it to its knees. No other country on earth provides such a vast well of education entitlements, for the reason that it fundamentally can't be supported. There HAS to be a limit--all public systems have to ration care and have a cutoff point at which they say "no more, the costs outweigh the benefits." It's brutal, but what we have now isn't working anyway and at least this way there would be some honesty about it instead of a shell game. And nothing is stopping the private sector from filling in the gaps. Either you have to vastly increase the funding so that all these entitlements can actually be provided and staff actually want to do the job, or you have to limit the entitlements, or some combination of the two.

I'll probably get tomatoes thrown at me but I am really alarmed at how the staffing shortages just keep getting worse and worse in some of the local districts and how fast they burn through new staff. If you don't have anybody to do the job the law sets out, you have nothing. That is the first and biggest problem, and something drastic has to be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me, I think it is the lack of funding/resources at the school level.

Background: When my child was struggling in reading in first grade, the school said they were not enough behind to get any help.

Comes second grade, child is still struggling. No help from the school, we get a private tutor because child comes home crying. We needed to do something to help the child, so we schedule testing. At of second grade, we do private testing and child was diagnosed with dyslexia.

IEP: Only after the private testing we were able to get an IEP and help from school. The school lost my trust during this process. They can’t (or want) provide enough resources| hours to remediate the issue. Child is still in private tutoring.

School: I do believe the sped department is doing the best they can with the limited resources they have, but it is not enough for my child (and many more).

I think about all time… what will happen to the kids like my child that don’t have the same support at home, what will happen to them?

We know what happens to them, higher chance of jail, suicide, substance abuse, unemployment, low socioeconomic status, repeat the cycle since so many learning disabilities have a strong genetic base, then next generation teachers wonder why those kids don’t read and their parents don’t help them, those parents don’t know how to advocate or have financial resources and it continues. The real thing that no one wants to actually say it that it will never change bc the majority of people don’t care. It’s the sad reality.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes I wonder how much of this is a DMV problem. I have relatives whose kids get special ed services in other areas of the country and they do trust their teams and they don’t seem to complain about the shortage of resources.

I think some of our problems are because so many people here think they are experts and know better than the trained professionals - in all things education, not just special needs services. That sets up an unproductive relationship.

I think resources are spread thin at times due to parent behavior - demanding more than kids are entitled to, demanding teacher spoon feeding instead of using the resources that are available such as the online grading system, demanding too many meetings, . . . It says something that most parents lose at due process hearings.

I’m a parent who had an excellent experience with two very different kids with special needs. IEP eligibility varied over the years as did mainstream placement. It’s not easy or problem free to go through what amounts to 26 school years of special education. There were problems and trial and error with things not working. But parents have to partner rather than view the school with disdain and distrust. And parents need to be realistic about their kids abilities especially when they hit upper grades.

Also school systems need to broaden their programs for kids who aren’t college material so they are prepared for success in life. Which goes back to parents being realistic and accepting that kids with limits may need something different than what we dreamed of.

I find the whole ball of wax frustrating here but ultimately I feel like parents here are a lot to blame.

[Anonymous]

6:00 I think that this area is great for immigrants and kids with severe issues. It is just not good for kids with medium level issues. My cousin's kid got OT help at their public all through elementary with handwriting. I don't even think FCPS has OT help for handwriting. It would basically be 50 percent of the school.

The schools have a lot of families that flock here for the resources but the middle of the pack kids whether in regular ed or regular special ed get the short stick because a school system this large can get away with it knowing families of middle and upper income will pay their own way for those kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fundamental problem is that IDEA has created a bottomless pit of unfunded entitlements. The federal government has imposed huge requirements on school systems while not covering even a fifth of the cost, and the percentage of students covered by the law has doubled and then tripled. The gap between what parents very reasonably feel they are legally entitled to for their child (since that's what IDEA says), and what the school system is actually physically capable of providing, and the tension of trying to magically make 1+1=3, is driving parents crazy and burning out staff. And then the problem skidd.

You lls because less staff makes it all worse. Everyone is in a no-win situation.

I think the system is fundamentally broken, possibly beyond repair, we just haven't realized it yet. Special education staffing shortages are going to keep getting worse and bring it to its knees. No other country on earth provides such a vast well of education entitlements, for the reason that it fundamentally can't be supported. There HAS to be a limit--all public systems have to ration care and have a cutoff point at which they say "no more, the costs outweigh the benefits." It's brutal, but what we have now isn't working anyway and at least this way there would be some honesty about it instead of a shell game. And nothing is stopping the private sector from filling in the gaps. Either you have to vastly increase the funding so that all these entitlements can actually be provided and staff actually want to do the job, or you have to limit the entitlements, or some combination of the two.

I'll probably get tomatoes thrown at me but I am really alarmed at how the staffing shortages just keep getting worse ) worse in some of the local districts and how fast they burn through new staff. If you don't have anybody to do the job the law sets out, you have nothing. That is the first and biggest problem, and something drastic has to be done.

You do understand that these schools are churning out kids who don't want to work right? There are shortages everywhere. When you don't have to work much in school why wouldn't you just continue that trend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fundamental problem is that IDEA has created a bottomless pit of unfunded entitlements. The federal government has imposed huge requirements on school systems while not covering even a fifth of the cost, and the percentage of students covered by the law has doubled and then tripled. The gap between what parents very reasonably feel they are legally entitled to for their child (since that's what IDEA says), and what the school system is actually physically capable of providing, and the tension of trying to magically make 1+1=3, is driving parents crazy and burning out staff. And then the problem skidd.

You lls because less staff makes it all worse. Everyone is in a no-win situation.

I think the system is fundamentally broken, possibly beyond repair, we just haven't realized it yet. Special education staffing shortages are going to keep getting worse and bring it to its knees. No other country on earth provides such a vast well of education entitlements, for the reason that it fundamentally can't be supported. There HAS to be a limit--all public systems have to ration care and have a cutoff point at which they say "no more, the costs outweigh the benefits." It's brutal, but what we have now isn't working anyway and at least this way there would be some honesty about it instead of a shell game. And nothing is stopping the private sector from filling in the gaps. Either you have to vastly increase the funding so that all these entitlements can actually be provided and staff actually want to do the job, or you have to limit the entitlements, or some combination of the two.

I'll probably get tomatoes thrown at me but I am really alarmed at how the staffing shortages just keep getting worse ) worse in some of the local districts and how fast they burn through new staff. If you don't have anybody to do the job the law sets out, you have nothing. That is the first and biggest problem, and something drastic has to be done.

You do understand that these schools are churning out kids who don't want to work right? There are shortages everywhere. When you don't have to work much in school why wouldn't you just continue that trend?

6:00 here. I don’t agree with you. In order to work in any meaningful capacity, you need a diploma. For some kids, that means D-ing out of HS. But t here there is such backlash towards that. So it seems like an exercise in futility.

And kids lack the skills to figure out how to work in a meaningful capacity. As I said, schools could really up their game in the area of vocational services and programs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:6:00 I think that this area is great for immigrants and kids with severe issues. It is just not good for kids with medium level issues. My cousin's kid got OT help at their public all through elementary with handwriting. I don't even think FCPS has OT help for handwriting. It would basically be 50 percent of the school.

The schools have a lot of families that flock here for the resources but the middle of the pack kids whether in regular ed or regular special ed get the short stick because a school system this large can get away with it knowing families of middle and upper income will pay their own way for those kids.

I think you speak to my concern about needing more academic light/vocational programs. I know that tracks went out of favor but really the availability of resources and the capacity to put kids on a path to success has its merits.

And, one thing that drives me crazy is that we invest in extracurriculars but balk at investing in the services and programs that will make kids who struggle successful. Not that I think we should take away extracurriculars. I just think we need to equally prioritize better programs for struggling kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:6:00 I think that this area is great for immigrants and kids with severe issues. It is just not good for kids with medium level issues. My cousin's kid got OT help at their public all through elementary with handwriting. I don't even think FCPS has OT help for handwriting. It would basically be 50 percent of the school.

The schools have a lot of families that flock here for the resources but the middle of the pack kids whether in regular ed or regular special ed get the short stick because a school system this large can get away with it knowing families of middle and upper income will pay their own way for those kids.

Agree -- we have a middle of the pack 2e kid. It's hard because there's a lot of varying opinions on him. He is neither nor. The challenge I've had with the school is being the right partner. I want to help not nag or be condescending. I think they go in the defense quickly due to very overbearing parents. I feel like schools need an ombudsman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I wonder how much of this is a DMV problem. I have relatives whose kids get special ed services in other areas of the country and they do trust their teams and they don’t seem to complain about the shortage of resources.

I think some of our problems are because so many people here think they are experts and know better than the trained professionals - in all things education, not just special needs services. That sets up an unproductive relationship.

I think resources are spread thin at times due to parent behavior - demanding more than kids are entitled to, demanding teacher spoon feeding instead of using the resources that are available such as the online grading system, demanding too many meetings, . . . It says something that most parents lose at due process hearings.

I’m a parent who had an excellent experience with two very different kids with special needs. IEP eligibility varied over the years as did mainstream placement. It’s not easy or problem free to go through what amounts to 26 school years of special education. There were problems and trial and error with things not working. But parents have to partner rather than view the school with disdain and distrust. And parents need to be realistic about their kids abilities especially when they hit upper grades.

Also school systems need to broaden their programs for kids who aren’t college material so they are prepared for success in life. Which goes back to parents being realistic and accepting that kids with limits may need something different than what we dreamed of.

I find the whole ball of wax frustrating here but ultimately I feel like parents here are a lot to blame.

No 6:00, it is not that people in our area think they are experts, it is that many people in our area have the educational background to research their children’s needs and have the resources to consult with outside experts who identify deficiencies in public schools’ expertise and services to our children.


I am not an expert in the science of reading but when my child struggled with learning to read, I learned about it and my child’s dyslexia and consulted with outside providers who could instruct my child appropriately. All that input made it clear that the school “team” either did not know what they were talking about or refrained from recognizing my child’s needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I wonder how much of this is a DMV problem. I have relatives whose kids get special ed services in other areas of the country and they do trust their teams and they don’t seem to complain about the shortage of resources.

I think some of our problems are because so many people here think they are experts and know better than the trained professionals - in all things education, not just special needs services. That sets up an unproductive relationship.

I think resources are spread thin at times due to parent behavior - demanding more than kids are entitled to, demanding teacher spoon feeding instead of using the resources that are available such as the online grading system, demanding too many meetings, . . . It says something that most parents lose at due process hearings.

I’m a parent who had an excellent experience with two very different kids with special needs. IEP eligibility varied over the years as did mainstream placement. It’s not easy or problem free to go through what amounts to 26 school years of special education. There were problems and trial and error with things not working. But parents have to partner rather than view the school with disdain and distrust. And parents need to be realistic about their kids abilities especially when they hit upper grades.

Also school systems need to broaden their programs for kids who aren’t college material so they are prepared for success in life. Which goes back to parents being realistic and accepting that kids with limits may need something different than what we dreamed of.

I find the whole ball of wax frustrating here but ultimately I feel like parents here are a lot to blame.

No 6:00, it is not that people in our area think they are experts, it is that many people in our area have the educational background to research their children’s needs and have the resources to consult with outside experts who identify deficiencies in public schools’ expertise and services to our children.


I am not an expert in the science of reading but when my child struggled with learning to read, I learned about it and my child’s dyslexia and consulted with outside providers who could instruct my child appropriately. All that input made it clear that the school “team” either did not know what they were talking about or refrained from recognizing my child’s needs.

+1

Also, being an expert in something, even if not education-related, affords a skepticism about the limits of expertise and to feel comfortable questioning experts. They're human, just like we all are.

Also, listen to "Sold a Story" if you've not already done so. Many, many educators insisted on using reading curricula that lacked evidence, and many still do. Central offices and high level education administrators shoulder a lot of the blame, but insisting that parents are mostly to blame isn't the way forward.

[Anonymous]

IMO, it's lack of funding. It's not the schools or the teachers. I think most schools and teachers are doing what they can with what they have. My issue is that they are unable, or unwilling, to be honest about that. No, that small group pull-out with a spec ed teacher who is simultaneously doing three other small group pull outs in the same room is not going to move the dial with my child. It's just not. And, is that Lucy Calkins? Seriously?

As a parent, I don't demand services. IME, they are taught in a haphazard fashion, aren't tailored to my child's level, and in small groups that are often disruptive. I decline them. As for accommodations, DS has a few but they aren't demanding. At the most recent IEP meeting, they attempted to drop the last things that were actually helpful because he is doing well - in part because of this last thing. Good thing my DS is now 14 and told them not to drop it because it's actually helpful. OMG. That was maddening.

The problem is that the law overpromises and the schools cannot deliver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fundamental problem is that IDEA has created a bottomless pit of unfunded entitlements. The federal government has imposed huge requirements on school systems while not covering even a fifth of the cost, and the percentage of students covered by the law has doubled and then tripled. The gap between what parents very reasonably feel they are legally entitled to for their child (since that's what IDEA says), and what the school system is actually physically capable of providing, and the tension of trying to magically make 1+1=3, is driving parents crazy and burning out staff. And then the problem snowballs because less staff makes it all worse. Everyone is in a no-win situation.

I think the system is fundamentally broken, possibly beyond repair, we just haven't realized it yet. Special education staffing shortages are going to keep getting worse and bring it to its knees. No other country on earth provides such a vast well of education entitlements, for the reason that it fundamentally can't be supported. There HAS to be a limit--all public systems have to ration care and have a cutoff point at which they say "no more, the costs outweigh the benefits." It's brutal, but what we have now isn't working anyway and at least this way there would be some honesty about it instead of a shell game. And nothing is stopping the private sector from filling in the gaps. Either you have to vastly increase the funding so that all these entitlements can actually be provided and staff actually want to do the job, or you have to limit the entitlements, or some combination of the two.

I'll probably get tomatoes thrown at me but I am really alarmed at how the staffing shortages just keep getting worse and worse in some of the local districts and how fast they burn through new staff. If you don't have anybody to do the job the law sets out, you have nothing. That is the first and biggest problem, and something drastic has to be done.

+1000