Do I die on this hill?

[Anonymous]

Ds (10) with audhd wants a story before bed every night and gets upset if there is a change in plans. Sometimes it's really late or I'm exhausted, but I feel bad because he cries and also he's a child that wants a bedtime story. But I also want him to learn flexibility. Should I be dying on this hill?

[Anonymous]

I would switch off with your husband. I have a child like this but she mostly gets very sad if we miss the story, so I guess there is flexibility there, but not really.

[Anonymous]

No, you don’t teach him flexibility by withholding a bedtime story. I think you know that.

[Anonymous]

You can't teach flexibility at the end of the day when everyone is tired and out of spoons. Work on flexibility at other times, but give him what he needs to get through bedtime. (Obviously, when you can't, you can't, but don't say no just to try to teach flexibility.)

[Anonymous]

We use audiobooks like the boxcar kids on Libby

[Anonymous]

Do it. It’s the single most important thing you can do to grow his brain and make him feel secure.
I read to it with my kid nightly until he was 12 and he isn’t special needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't teach flexibility at the end of the day when everyone is tired and out of spoons. Work on flexibility at other times, but give him what he needs to get through bedtime. (Obviously, when you can't, you can't, but don't say no just to try to teach flexibility.)

This.

[Anonymous]

My audhd kid hasn’t let us read her a story since she was 8. She has other demands that are charming in their face and wearying in practice - so I get it.

[Anonymous]

Also I tried to deny my audhd kid her wearying demands for a month or so on the theory that it would train her out of it. She never….stopped…asking. You can die on this hill over and over and over again and it may have no effect but to hurt your relationship. The kid may have to grow out of it and it’s very possible that your behavior won’t effect this process at all.

[Anonymous]

Wow what’s wrong with you?

I don’t care how tired you are you read to your child

It is the single most important thing a parent can do

[Anonymous]

I have two kids, including one with ADHD/ASD, who loved being read to. I did not do it on school nights. I read to them extensively on vacations, however, and read Harry Potters, The Hobbit, The Chronicles of Narnia, Winnie the Pooh, so many books (all my British favorites, really) over a period of years.

My children are both bookworms and have excellent vocab and reading comprehension. Said ADHD/ASD kid tests in the 99th percentile in verbal cognitive portions of the WISC.

But there are limits to what I can give if I want to be able to give consistently, so no, there was no bedtime reading every night in our house.

If this is for soothing routines, and you're fatigued, perhaps they can listen to an audiobook, or music, or hug you tightly for a few minutes while you chat or relax together. My neurotypical kid needs me to hug her for a few minutes before lights out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow what’s wrong with you?

I don’t care how tired you are you read to your child

It is the single most important thing a parent can do

Do you have an audhd child? Do you understand how it’s likely a prolonged battle just to get the kid through the nightly routine and to bed and it can be 10:00 and your kid may have fought you tooth and nail over every blasted thing for hours and you just want a few minutes to yourself before going to sleep yourself and the demand to be read to comes after hours and hours of not listening?

Give yourself a break, OP. Do it when you can. Forgive yourself when you can’t. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

My kid does this but it's not because he wants THE STORY, it's because he wants me as white noise. It's his way of self-soothing in a transition. He pays no attention to the plot and he couldn't say what's happening in the story if I asked. I usually read a bit then leave the room when he's halfway out. If he says something I say I'm going to the bathroom and will be right back, which is, of course, not true.

[Anonymous]

I use a book of really short stories for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do it. It’s the single most important thing you can do to grow his brain and make him feel secure.
I read to it with my kid nightly until he was 12 and he isn’t special needs.

No human being "is special needs".