Different relationship timelines

[Anonymous]

I’ve been in a relationship with this amazing woman for the past 15 months. We have made plans to move in together next month and get engaged over the summer. I’ve expressed my interest in settling down verbally and physical actions when we first met, and many times over the course of the relationship as I knew I wanted to marry her. Our plans were move in next month, get married next year, and start trying for a family soon after. She was on the same page this entire but now wants to go and to school for a degree advancement. She has always been on the fence but now feels that our relationship will give her the stability for it. She wants to get married but kids will be pushed back for 2-3 years until she’s done with school.

I love her and want to support her but I don’t want to wait and be an old dad. We are already in our thirties. Do I just suck it up and support her and wait? I’m not breaking up with her over this, and it’s not like I can make her have kids any sooner.

[Anonymous]

"I’m not breaking up with her over this, and it’s not like I can make her have kids any sooner."

Then why did you post?

[Anonymous]

OP here. How to navigate this. I wouldn’t end our relationship over something so menial, but how do I come to terms with having to wait?

[Anonymous]

Do you love her?

I think not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. How to navigate this. I wouldn’t end our relationship over something so menial, but how do I come to terms with having to wait?

Marriage is constant compromise. Actually a successful life even without marriage is about compromise. Welcome aboard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you love her?

I think not.

OP here. Very much. Why don’t you think I love her.

I’m sure you would be upset too if you date someone and had the same timeline, only for them to throw a curveball and delay having kids for years. Most women would go mental if the did husbands did that. As a man, I just have to keep quiet and suck it up.

[Anonymous]

OP - tell her you need your biological child, one way or another. And that she would need to compromise and use a donor egg for that, if it's too late.
She's ok going for career advancement, and you would be fine having kids even in your 40s. She can get pregnant and carry a child up to age 55 due to medical advancements, but she would be using donor egg.

You have an upper hand with the time, being a man. You can fall out with her and meet a younger woman even in your 40s to get kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - tell her you need your biological child, one way or another. And that she would need to compromise and use a donor egg for that, if it's too late.
She's ok going for career advancement, and you would be fine having kids even in your 40s. She can get pregnant and carry a child up to age 55 due to medical advancements, but she would be using donor egg.

You have an upper hand with the time, being a man. You can fall out with her and meet a younger woman even in your 40s to get kids

OP here. I do not want to wait 40+ to have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you love her?

I think not.

OP here. Very much. Why don’t you think I love her.

I’m sure you would be upset too if you date someone and had the same timeline, only for them to throw a curveball and delay having kids for years. Most women would go mental if the did husbands did that. As a man, I just have to keep quiet and suck it up.

Have you told her how disappointed you are? Maybe she’d consider trying to get pregnant during last year of graduate school instead of waiting till she’s completely done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - tell her you need your biological child, one way or another. And that she would need to compromise and use a donor egg for that, if it's too late.
She's ok going for career advancement, and you would be fine having kids even in your 40s. She can get pregnant and carry a child up to age 55 due to medical advancements, but she would be using donor egg.

You have an upper hand with the time, being a man. You can fall out with her and meet a younger woman even in your 40s to get kids

OP here. I don’t want to use a donor egg. That so odd to me and never would I consent to it.

I was very upfront that I wanted kids soon because I didn’t want to be an old dad and wait 40+. My parents had my brother and I when they were older and it really impacted things for us growing up.

[Anonymous]

How old is she? I’ll tell you from personal experience that someone forcing a kid on you when you’re not ready is going to end up with a divorce.

[Anonymous]

I think you really need to talk to her about plans for having kids because it sounds like you are more interested in having kids than she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you love her?

I think not.

OP here. Very much. Why don’t you think I love her.

I’m sure you would be upset too if you date someone and had the same timeline, only for them to throw a curveball and delay having kids for years. Most women would go mental if the did husbands did that. As a man, I just have to keep quiet and suck it up.

Have you told her how disappointed you are? Maybe she’d consider trying to get pregnant during last year of graduate school instead of waiting till she’s completely done.

OP here. I have. She told me as if it was no big deal and I told her over dinner that I was very upfront that I wanted kids sooner than later. She said 2-3 years isn’t that much of a difference in the grand scheme of things.

I’m 34 she’s 32. I feel like we don’t have 2-3 years to wait if we wanted up to 2-4 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is she? I’ll tell you from personal experience that someone forcing a kid on you when you’re not ready is going to end up with a divorce.

OP here. She’s 32 and I’m 34. We both wanted kids. Her last relationship ended because he decided he no longer wanted kids and she does.

We want at least 2 and ideally 3-4. Twins run in the family and we are hoping we get lucky with multiples.

[Anonymous]

Divorce.