DC wants to withdraw from magnet program

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Social kids do not do well in the magnet programs outside of their own cluster. Losing their friends, the long drives, the issues with their own new school all make for a crappy experience. The kids that do well are the geeks and introverts that never fit in their own cluster schools to begin with, and now have some introverts to be introverted with. They found their people and never look back longingly at their old cluster.

This is true. My daughter hated her school and loves her new school. A lot of people to be a nerd with and who love school. It is nice. My only issue are the parents. They are suffocating and over involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Social kids do not do well in the magnet programs outside of their own cluster. Losing their friends, the long drives, the issues with their own new school all make for a crappy experience. The kids that do well are the geeks and introverts that never fit in their own cluster schools to begin with, and now have some introverts to be introverted with. They found their people and never look back longingly at their old cluster.

Your theory is that the magnets are so full of introverts (who enjoy being introverted together) that there’s no one for social kids to make friends with? You’re wrong. Truly social kids make friends everywhere. It’s easy to make friends in Pre K - 2nd, and a lot of these friendships are helped along by going to school with your neighbors, being in extracurricular activities with your schoolmates, and having parents who know each other setting up play dates. If you’re a new kid in a middle school, especially one that isn’t your neighborhood school, it’s the first time in your life that you have to rely solely on your own social skills. I think the kids you’re talking about were never as social as you thought they were.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Social kids do not do well in the magnet programs outside of their own cluster. Losing their friends, the long drives, the issues with their own new school all make for a crappy experience. The kids that do well are the geeks and introverts that never fit in their own cluster schools to begin with, and now have some introverts to be introverted with. They found their people and never look back longingly at their old cluster.

Generalize much? With my n=2 kids, I could write a generalization the other way. Social kids do great at their home elementary schools, transition to HGC without a problem, and then transition to magnet middle schools and make new friends while keeping the old friends they had at home ES and HGC. I could add another n=1 for one of those kids who transitioned to magnet HS and has made new friends there while still hanging out with the friends from ES, HGC, and magnet MS. Not to mention the friends made from summer camp. Which is not to say that the various transitions weren't without difficulties, including some social angst, but it is 100% false -- from my limited sample size -- that they had "crappy experiences" or that they did not do well in their home ES in the first instance. And broadening my sample size to include the peers I know who went to their programs, I'd be hard-pressed to identify a plurality, let alone a majority, of geeks and introverts.

[Anonymous]

Truly social kids make friends everywhere.

This is not true. There are many social kids who when moved into a different school in middle school do not make new friends. My kids were extremely social and the center of everything. They made new friends wherever they went so I thought that they would do OK with a move in middle school. I was wrong. For some kids, their social confidence comes from having lots of long time friends. They miss the comfort and keep comparing new friends to the friends they feel they lost or left behind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Social kids do not do well in the magnet programs outside of their own cluster. Losing their friends, the long drives, the issues with their own new school all make for a crappy experience. The kids that do well are the geeks and introverts that never fit in their own cluster schools to begin with, and now have some introverts to be introverted with. They found their people and never look back longingly at their old cluster.

Generalize much? With my n=2 kids, I could write a generalization the other way. Social kids do great at their home elementary schools, transition to HGC without a problem, and then transition to magnet middle schools and make new friends while keeping the old friends they had at home ES and HGC. I could add another n=1 for one of those kids who transitioned to magnet HS and has made new friends there while still hanging out with the friends from ES, HGC, and magnet MS. Not to mention the friends made from summer camp. Which is not to say that the various transitions weren't without difficulties, including some social angst, but it is 100% false -- from my limited sample size -- that they had "crappy experiences" or that they did not do well in their home ES in the first instance. And broadening my sample size to include the peers I know who went to their programs, I'd be hard-pressed to identify a plurality, let alone a majority, of geeks and introverts.

You are one of the insufferable parents the PP was talking about earlier, aren't you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Social kids do not do well in the magnet programs outside of their own cluster. Losing their friends, the long drives, the issues with their own new school all make for a crappy experience. The kids that do well are the geeks and introverts that never fit in their own cluster schools to begin with, and now have some introverts to be introverted with. They found their people and never look back longingly at their old cluster.

Generalize much? With my n=2 kids, I could write a generalization the other way. Social kids do great at their home elementary schools, transition to HGC without a problem, and then transition to magnet middle schools and make new friends while keeping the old friends they had at home ES and HGC. I could add another n=1 for one of those kids who transitioned to magnet HS and has made new friends there while still hanging out with the friends from ES, HGC, and magnet MS. Not to mention the friends made from summer camp. Which is not to say that the various transitions weren't without difficulties, including some social angst, but it is 100% false -- from my limited sample size -- that they had "crappy experiences" or that they did not do well in their home ES in the first instance. And broadening my sample size to include the peers I know who went to their programs, I'd be hard-pressed to identify a plurality, let alone a majority, of geeks and introverts.

You are one of the insufferable parents the PP was talking about earlier, aren't you?

DP. That just hit too close to home for her and she's got all defensive. Not only does she have a n=2 sample of geniuses in her household, said geniuses and all their friends are the ultimate life of the party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Social kids do not do well in the magnet programs outside of their own cluster. Losing their friends, the long drives, the issues with their own new school all make for a crappy experience. The kids that do well are the geeks and introverts that never fit in their own cluster schools to begin with, and now have some introverts to be introverted with. They found their people and never look back longingly at their old cluster.

Magnet kids are not monolithic. There are introverts and extroverts. No different from the general population.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Social kids do not do well in the magnet programs outside of their own cluster. Losing their friends, the long drives, the issues with their own new school all make for a crappy experience. The kids that do well are the geeks and introverts that never fit in their own cluster schools to begin with, and now have some introverts to be introverted with. They found their people and never look back longingly at their old cluster.

Generalize much? With my n=2 kids, I could write a generalization the other way. Social kids do great at their home elementary schools, transition to HGC without a problem, and then transition to magnet middle schools and make new friends while keeping the old friends they had at home ES and HGC. I could add another n=1 for one of those kids who transitioned to magnet HS and has made new friends there while still hanging out with the friends from ES, HGC, and magnet MS. Not to mention the friends made from summer camp. Which is not to say that the various transitions weren't without difficulties, including some social angst, but it is 100% false -- from my limited sample size -- that they had "crappy experiences" or that they did not do well in their home ES in the first instance. And broadening my sample size to include the peers I know who went to their programs, I'd be hard-pressed to identify a plurality, let alone a majority, of geeks and introverts.

You are one of the insufferable parents the PP was talking about earlier, aren't you?

Insufferable to push back on an obnoxious post?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Social kids do not do well in the magnet programs outside of their own cluster. Losing their friends, the long drives, the issues with their own new school all make for a crappy experience. The kids that do well are the geeks and introverts that never fit in their own cluster schools to begin with, and now have some introverts to be introverted with. They found their people and never look back longingly at their old cluster.

Generalize much? With my n=2 kids, I could write a generalization the other way. Social kids do great at their home elementary schools, transition to HGC without a problem, and then transition to magnet middle schools and make new friends while keeping the old friends they had at home ES and HGC. I could add another n=1 for one of those kids who transitioned to magnet HS and has made new friends there while still hanging out with the friends from ES, HGC, and magnet MS. Not to mention the friends made from summer camp. Which is not to say that the various transitions weren't without difficulties, including some social angst, but it is 100% false -- from my limited sample size -- that they had "crappy experiences" or that they did not do well in their home ES in the first instance. And broadening my sample size to include the peers I know who went to their programs, I'd be hard-pressed to identify a plurality, let alone a majority, of geeks and introverts.

You are one of the insufferable parents the PP was talking about earlier, aren't you?

DP. That just hit too close to home for her and she's got all defensive. Not only does she have a n=2 sample of geniuses in her household, said geniuses and all their friends are the ultimate life of the party.

NP here. I’m sorry that two adults felt the need to take time out of their day to write insulting posts about someone else’s experience. That poster wasn’t over generalizing but simply sharing her specific experiences and adding to the discourse. Thanks to the original poster of this offshoot for takings the time to write.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Social kids do not do well in the magnet programs outside of their own cluster. Losing their friends, the long drives, the issues with their own new school all make for a crappy experience. The kids that do well are the geeks and introverts that never fit in their own cluster schools to begin with, and now have some introverts to be introverted with. They found their people and never look back longingly at their old cluster.

Magnet kids are not monolithic. There are introverts and extroverts. No different from the general population.

MS Magnet teacher chiming in to agree with this wholeheartedly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone for your advice. It is not Clemente MS. And DC was not beaten up but did get physically contact by some kids in the corridor.

DC reported to school, and talked to counselor. I have to say that the teachers in the school are all very nice and trying to help. That's why I hope DC can give it some more time before making the decision. I can tell that the teachers are trying to make DC feel safe and they even give DC a flash pass to approach to the counselor at anytime DC doesn't feel comfortable.

Our home school is a highly ranked middle school too. Someone mentioned to shadow the kid in the homeschool for a day. That's a very good idea. I wonder if it is doable and how to coordinate that. Thank you.

Dear OP, hugs and best wishes! Do not give up just yet, your kid worked super hard to get where they are.
It must be very stressful time for you as a parent and for your child when so much hopes and dreams are now hanging.
My close friend had a kid in a middle magnet and went through something similar and since she was confining in me I can recap
of the process and the outcome, maybe you will find something helpful and some perspective in it:
- The most important words of support and most meaningful to a child was to hear that they "don't have to stay" in the magnet but if they will feel it is too tough they definitely can go back to the home school. It was very important that the child did not feel pressured as it gave the child more will to try.
- The most important change was to make ONE friend. ONE. that all it took to make a difference from hating everything to loving everything.
- Mom arranged for some outside of school one on one time with some kid that seemed like a good match and after few times the kids met outside the school they became friends at school and not being alone and lonely made a huge difference.
- Lots of magnet kids for some reason take more time to warm up to peers then the most. It just take more time. One certain truth is everyone needs a friend and with time they all open up and reach out. This is when the friendship happen.
- Middle school kids are slower to make friends then in younger grades. Those who are already hanging out by October are usually those who knew each other from their home schools. For the most part the rest of the kids does not have friends YET and if your child knew that and be sure of that they could be more open to give themselves a little time.
- Magnet kids can and do make friends with outside of magnet kids in the mixed classes so it is great opportunity to find someone nice and friendly who also needs a friend.
- Tell your child to look for friends among those who also seem lonely and without any friends as they are just as hungry to find someone at new school.
- Ask your child to reflect how it was when they first went to school how isolating experience it was and how by the end of the school year everyone was already sad the school year is ending.
- One month is not enough to make friends and soon more and more opportunities will show up. It is good to reassure your kid that they are not stuck there and what about giving it another month or go week by week and then see what will happen? Knowing a goal post helps a lot mentally.
- It is most likely that all those painful things that your child experienced might be normal at any school but it is also true that they would not be as painful or horrible if they had a friend at school to balance the bad experience.
- Yes the home school might be as bad not because it is bad but because the kids are bigger, older and they will make lots of noise everywhere, and also there are some or another type of bullies everywhere so no school is free of this kind of stuff.
- Confidence, it is tough but a kid needs to project some kind of confidence to attract friends and ward off bullies because the more depressed and sad and shy the kid looks the more disadvantage socially. Fake till you make it, ask kid to smile more regardless the pain and sadness
as smiles just attract more smiles and more people. ."when you are smiling.. the whole worlds smiles with you" There is something in the song of L. A.
- Shadowing a kid in a home school is really good idea as others said and I wanted to suggest that too. This can do two things, it can show that the home school is just as bad, that kids are scattered and no more old familiar structure from the elementary is there, and also by the time your kid will go back next day to the magnet school it might look better and more familiar and more home like then the other one.
- Magnet teachers and coordinators always pride themselves about helping kids to make it in any way they can, helping to find friends included... try to talk to them about helping you to find someone for your child and pair them in some social at school situation so they can somehow survive.

Good luck, hugs and best wishes. Nothing is guaranteed in life but keep hoping and do your best. If all fails, there are more ways to get somewhere in life, as others said. I wish you all the best and send you my best. Hope it will all work out for the best.
Please keep us posted or update in one month.

[Anonymous]

You can try to create some social opportunity for your child to hang out with some other kids from the same elementary who got into the same magnet, find them and try to get in touch, the magnet coordinator has the directory and could help to contact if you say the reasons.

[Anonymous]

I know of at least three magnet MSers who are considering leaving their program seriously enough to have shadowed at other schools in the last couple weeks. Your son isn’t alone, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can try to create some social opportunity for your child to hang out with some other kids from the same elementary who got into the same magnet, find them and try to get in touch, the magnet coordinator has the directory and could help to contact if you say the reasons.

It’s possible only1-2 came from each school. And some are more interested in forging new friendship and building new identities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Truly social kids make friends everywhere.

This is not true. There are many social kids who when moved into a different school in middle school do not make new friends. My kids were extremely social and the center of everything. They made new friends wherever they went so I thought that they would do OK with a move in middle school. I was wrong. For some kids, their social confidence comes from having lots of long time friends. They miss the comfort and keep comparing new friends to the friends they feel they lost or left behind.

You’ve just perfectly illustrated the point in my post. Go back and re-read it. I’m not saying kids like yours don’t have friends. I’m saying that children at this age can have had lots of friends in elementary school without really having developed the ability to make new friends. They’ve never had to try very hard before. This is uncharted territory and they don’t like it.