I am a legally married gay mother of 2. Ask me anything

[Anonymous]

So, speaking of crockpots, is there anything you can do with chicken other than cook it to shredd-Ed-ness? I'm new to this slow cooker thing...

[NotSoAnonymous]

Q: So, speaking of crockpots, is there anything you can do with chicken other than cook it to shredd-Ed-ness? I'm new to this slow cooker thing...

A: I'm from the Midwest. Throw condensed soup, chicken breasts cut into chunks, frozen peas and carrots, and then.... A can of biscuits. Cut each into 2. Toss it all in and you get chicken and dumplings-- so good on a cold day! Obviously not great for you, but as cookie monster would say, a good sometimes food.

[Anonymous]

NotSoAnonymous wrote:Q: My question for you is, have you or will you seek out schools for your children that have other gay parents as well? Are you concerned about teasing/bullying related to your sexuality and how do you handle or intend to handle this issue?

A: We haven't yet. Honestly- we don't earn enough to send the kids to private. They're twins. We live in Fairfax Co and have good public schools. We'd like to someday move to Arlington.

My biggest fear is that my kids are bullied for something they have no control over. I hope we are raising strong, confident kids who could stand up to that. It is the thing that brings out my mama bear instinct above all else. I do intend to meet with principals and teachers beforehand to answer questions and open communication. I don't mind being the only, or the first, but I will likely be neither.

I'm sorry you are not at my kids school. After the start of the year, a new family joined and it turns out the father had a very identifiably female name - not like Chris, but something you would assume is female. I was so excited that this family was going to be part of our school only to find out that it was a standard mother/father family. They are delightful people nonetheless. As parents, most of us fear our kids getting bullied and unfortunately all of them will have to deal with the meanness of other kids. My kids are in the minority in their school and my fears are probably similar to, or the same as yours. It's not easy

[Anonymous]

Ok, I hope this is not presumptuous but I have a general LGBT question. What is the proper etiquette when interacting with a transgendered person? How do I know what pronouns to use, etc.? Also, you've shed some light on this already, but any other etiquette you'd like us to know about how to best interact with gay couples/families? (i.e. introducing the wife)

It confuses me that the gay couple on Modern Family calls each other "boyfriend," because they are obviously committed (like a marriage) with a house + kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I hope this is not presumptuous but I have a general LGBT question. What is the proper etiquette when interacting with a transgendered person? How do I know what pronouns to use, etc.? Also, you've shed some light on this already, but any other etiquette you'd like us to know about how to best interact with gay couples/families? (i.e. introducing the wife)

It confuses me that the gay couple on Modern Family calls each other "boyfriend," because they are obviously committed (like a marriage) with a house + kids.

IT

[NotSoAnonymous]

Q: Ok, I hope this is not presumptuous but I have a general LGBT question. What is the proper etiquette when interacting with a transgendered person? How do I know what pronouns to use, etc.? Also, you've shed some light on this already, but any other etiquette you'd like us to know about how to best interact with gay couples/families? (i.e. introducing the wife)

A: Transfolk- chances are everyone had had an interaction with a trans person whether they know it or not. I am not trans and don't speak for them, but a good resource is http://www.t-vox.org/index.php?title=Trans_101
I believe that respect goes a long way in avoiding misunderstanding. Using "it" is never appropriate for a human being.

I really don't think there is a lot of etiquette. Treat us like you would your other friends. Don't be rude (ie- can I watch? Who is the man? Etc) and you'll do fine. Oh and as for the boyfriend vs partner vs husband/wife. Follow cues if you don't know.

[NotSoAnonymous]

Q/C:My kids are in the minority in their school and my fears are probably similar to, or the same as yours. It's not easy.

A: it really isn't. Like I said, I do think as parents we share a lot of the same hopes, fears, and anxieties about our kids. Otherwise we wouldn't hang around this joint.

[Anonymous]

Do you think or have you observed gay parents generally being more strict than straight parents? I know a black friend of mine was always told by her parents that she had to be exemplary b/c society would judge her more harshly than her white counterparts. So they were pretty strict. I know it's not quite the same thing but I'm curious. =)

Great topic, very interesting to read.

[NotSoAnonymous]

Q: Do you think or have you observed gay parents generally being more strict than straight parents? I know a black friend of mine was always told by her parents that she had to be exemplary b/c society would judge her more harshly than her white counterparts. So they were pretty strict. I know it's not quite the same thing but I'm curious. =)

A: I don't think so. I think your friend's mom was probably worried about negative stereotypes regarding people of color (lazy,loud,etc). A more similar worry that I sometimes have is that people will judge my sensitive sweet boy who likes to sing and dance more than rough and tumble. He is who he is- I have no idea what his sexuality will end up, but I think people might judge my wife and I for not pushing him to do more traditionally "boyish" things. I realize this is stupid, but I still worry.

[NotSoAnonymous]

For the record, I am doing this on my phone which is why you see the edits. I am really only catching egregious ones and don't have the heart to go back and fix other typos and grammar errors, but that is a nice feature of logging in. That and it tells me when you all reply.

[Anonymous]

Is it true that lesbians couples prefer boys to raise?

[Anonymous]

From another lesbian parent of twin boys - maybe our paths will cross at some point. We also have a hard time making new friends!

[NotSoAnonymous]

Q:Is it true that lesbians couples prefer boys to raise?

A: I don't think so, due to our struggles with infertility my wife and I were just praying for healthy babies. I do know more lesbians with boys than girls and wonder if that has anything to do with the frozen sperm thing.

[NotSoAnonymous]

Q/C:From another lesbian parent of twin boys - maybe our paths will cross at some point. We also have a hard time making new friends!

A: I hope so!! Twins are an experience unto themselves. I would love to meet more twin moms.

[Anonymous]

NotSoAnonymous wrote:Q: So, speaking of crockpots, is there anything you can do with chicken other than cook it to shredd-Ed-ness? I'm new to this slow cooker thing...

A: I'm from the Midwest. Throw condensed soup, chicken breasts cut into chunks, frozen peas and carrots, and then.... A can of biscuits. Cut each into 2. Toss it all in and you get chicken and dumplings-- so good on a cold day! Obviously not great for you, but as cookie monster would say, a good sometimes food.

Oh my god I love you. I'll do it this week.

May I ask what you and your wife do professionally?
Just curious if you live out in VA bc you work out there - just seems like there are a lot of young gay families in DC proper and I feel like there's a nice accepting liberal vibe..