Generational wealth. What's behind the obsession?

[Anonymous]

I agree with you OP. But my husband is obsessed and makes us spend a lot less than we otherwise could to support this philosophy. Well, at least my kids will get to live well even if we don’t. Frustrates me though. I’ve started referring to the money as Monopoly money because it feels fake and we “can’t” actually spend it.

[Anonymous]

It's a personal thing, and for me, it's simple. If you had ever worked (from younger age) full time sh*t jobs where you were treated poorly just to survive and had no place to go should you fail to procure bare necessities you'd understand. I don't want my kids to have to live this way, I want them to have options in life and not spend most of their day working just for survival, but working to do something meaningful to them, or for upward mobility, meaningful career, etc. A job of a parent is to create a "home" or some family stronghold where shelter and sustenance is provided and there is security and ability to build yourself up learning from mistakes, instead of being buried by your mistakes because you just can't afford to make them.

I don't believe you have to provide your kids with homes in nice neighborhoods, private schools for grandkids, luxury cars and vacations. That's a lot of people's ideas of "generational wealth", but not mine. I think most people who had been able to purchase a home and pay it off and the home is spacious enough to give your kids a place to stay should they need shelter is already meeting the standard. Most people don't want to see their kids struggle for the sake of struggle or being disadvantaged compared to their peers. And certainly, take care of yourself and your ability to retire, so that you aren't a burden to your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm trying to understand the obsession behind generational wealth. If your retirement is on target, your kids college education funded and you own a home then why are you obsessively stressing over the generation beyond your kids?

I’ve built a mini-empire with my IT business and having homes in Lake Tahoe (Nevada), Wyoming, and Florida. I want my kids, their kids, and their kids’ kids to enjoy that. They say family wealth is lost within 3 generations so I need to ensure that doesn’t happen.

They will certainly enjoy this while you are alive, but then it's up to them, and not much you can do to ensure this. I know some ultra high networth families who have the same angst about their kids being able to afford the lifestyle they are accustomed to, and the certain ease of life where working is optional or quitting a job you do not like it totally ok, while luxurious things around you are a given. The parents look stressed, kids look relaxed and happy. IDK if it's a good balance. The parents are worn out to have to carry the burdens of multiple kids and grandkids on their shoulders. Parents envision having luxury retirement with loving kids/grandkids all around enjoying their multiple properties and luxury vacations. But reality is they are worried about cash flow behind this veneer and putting properties rarely used or high maintenance on sale. There is a fear of disappearing wealth and overtaxation by whatever government may come down the line. Parents still hustle even though they could be happily retired because their kids are used to very high standards. It's not carefree or a retirement at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Because poverty sucks. I can from wealth and my wife does not. For the first time in my life I got to experience someone who was actually poor and crying while telling me how much they struggle. I still don't truly understand poverty. But I'll do everything I can do so that our kids have more than we did.

Jeez you’re not too bright are you? It’s very easy to understand poverty. Maybe visuals would help you. Watch some documentaries about families struggling.

I don’t know how people can go through life and not know people who are poor, people who are rich and middle class. It must be stifling to live in such a small box.

I'm sorry but watching a documentary, giving money to a bear or watching some poor kids with big bellies and flies over their head dones not meet you understand poverty dumb dumb.

Somebody doesn’t watch documentaries! Probably only the sports pages and sports TV too.

[Anonymous]

I wish I had generational wealth. I won't be writing C++ code at this weird hour. You would have probably found me somewhere in the Maldives chillin lol

[Anonymous]

I want my kids, and theirs and theirs, to have freedoms that financial security can help provide . Freedom to choose long-term career paths and goals without need to worry about shorter term income, freedom to have as many kids as they choose not too hindered by the cost, freedom to make life changes (leave jobs or even spouses) without fear of financial ruin. And freedom to be a bit less risk adverse--starting a business or making other big moves.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am not obsessing over it, but it would give me joy to see my grandchildren have their college tuition paid for like I had mine paid for--by my grandparents.

My dad wants to pay our kids tuition. Nope we are good. He will go to the local cheap state college which we can afford and he will take some student loans.

Why are you making your kids take out loans if your dad is offering to pay? That seems like your pride is getting in the way of your kids' best interests.

+1

If your dad can actually afford to pay, why wouldn't you allow it? Yes, State colleges are all good schools, but there are advantages of the more expensive schools (slight advantages---but the perks of only 5-8K undergrads is a real thing, if your kid wants that, why wouldn't you let them do it for free)...why would you take that away from the kids?

Their kids will be fine. People who have means think that people who don't have financial means are in a dire situation..I had student loans, I worked 2 jobs in college and wouldn't change a thing in my life. I picked the right major (engineering physics) and made the best of what I had.

College grads these days are expected to have work-relevant internships and/or impressive volunteer service on their resumes, not work-study jobs. But even if that wasn't the case, the time you spent working 2 jobs could have been spent on so many things, from the resume-enriching (e.g., another major or minor, a publication, etc) to the life-enriching (a hobby, sport, or instrument, or just rest and socializing). The money you spent paying off loans - plus interest! - could have been earning returns or buying a little investment property.

You made the best of what you had, but you are not giving your kid an opportunity to make the best of what he has, because what he has is access to money that you didn't. In purely economic terms, this is a waste.

Says the parent of children with no grit or resilience. Good luck.

If your kid has grit, the minute he turns 18 he'll call grandpa and get college paid for despite your objections. I'm pulling for him.

[Anonymous]

What is behind it? Greed, ego, classism, fear of death, love for children (and worry for their future).

[Anonymous]

You all would be PISSED if you knew how much money I had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all would be PISSED if you knew how much money I had.

Where’d it go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is behind it? Greed, ego, classism, fear of death, love for children (and worry for their future).

tribalism - you build your life such that your children/family can start a square or two ahead of you and build their lives such that their children/family can start a square or two ahead of them.

People on this thread are not talking about the incremental gains generations can make. They are talking about leapfrogging to the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is behind it? Greed, ego, classism, fear of death, love for children (and worry for their future).

tribalism - you build your life such that your children/family can start a square or two ahead of you and build their lives such that their children/family can start a square or two ahead of them.

People on this thread are not talking about the incremental gains generations can make. They are talking about leapfrogging to the end.

Or maybe they're just interested in making sure their children can work a 9-5 job, own a home and have kids, something it's increasingly impossible to do without financial backup.

[Anonymous]

Have you guys seen the current fertility rate and it's trend lol? Many of you will be lucky if your kids have kids. Many don't want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you guys seen the current fertility rate and it's trend lol? Many of you will be lucky if your kids have kids. Many don't want to.

This. Parents have to provide some of the financial scaffolding if they want grandkids.

Here is the rub. The only people who are impacted by AI and cost of living are people who are in advanced economies - and they are the ones who cannot afford a home, healthcare, kids, college. And in such economies, it requires decades of education of children, before they can start earning money.

People around the world who are living in poverty, and who are uneducated, part of agrarian subsistence economies - these people will continue living in huts, having kids and keeping them illiterate and not sweating it. In such economies, the kid is earning at least some scraps to eat by working somewhere for pennies from the time they are 8-9 years old.

So parents on DCUM who are talking about "grit and resilience" are not building fortitude in their children by their "sink or swim" philosophy and by not providing economic support. This is not delegation of duties to children, instead, it is dereliction of duty by the parents.

[Anonymous]

It’s a competitive world and it also isn’t a fair one. This concern is about getting their children and grandchildren ahead of everyone else’s children.