Husband surprised me and I want to cry (not joyful tears)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many of you have unhappy marriages to interpret this as retaliation, control, passive aggressive.


I have often gone out and gotten a few things for people to celebrate something. They might not have been the exact perfect gift but the gestures have been appreciated as an I am thinking of you and wanted to show you I care. No one in my life responds with negativity about it not being exactly what they wanted.

What are you even going on about? This is not what is going on here. Enthusiastic people can also be controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a healthy marriage, it's perfectly fine to say, Honey I love your note. You're so sweet and it makes me cry. But just so you know, I'm changing things back to how I had it--it suits me best. Love you! And then he would say, oops, I totally misfired on that didn't I? Ok ok I'm not going to mess with any decor related stuff from now on.

In a not so healthy relationship all bets are off. Keep in mind though that as much as you want to spare his feelings, you also need to be more assertive of your own. Your needs and preferences matter and stifling them over long periods of time can only lead to bottled up resentment.

This is the way. Speak up.