Things you wish you knew…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t expect to be treated fairly if your child applies to your selective undergraduate alma mater unless your family has a private charitable foundation with annual donation availability of more than 100 grand or a one time donation of 1M or more. Don’t get their hopes up or showcase what you loved about your experience decades ago. It’s not worth it.

Brutal truth telling makes me sad first, then angry later

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How ‘bout this - let your kids drive the bus, let them make the decisions, no paid college consultants, help them ONLY WHEN ASKED, celebrate each of their acceptances, and revel in the fact that your kids got in on their own terms.

I agree. My DD was calm throughout the entire process. She selected 7 reasonable schools, mostly OOS flagships, and got into all 7 with merit. I was the one panicking the entire time, primarily because I read sites like this. I should have followed her lead.

She’s a very good student, but definitely had her share of Bs. She had a good SAT score, but not super competitive. DCUM would say she was destined to go to some 3rd tier campus. DCUM would have been wrong.

How much are you paying per year?

The equivalent of in-state for her top-choice OOS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any safe advice for early high schoolers? Things you wish your child knew? Things you wish you knew? Activities? Resources? All of it?

Learn your DC’s college matches early and often. Do not tell ANYONE where your DC is applying. Learn “the game” for your top match and play that game HARD. You’re welcome.

"the game"? what does that mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How ‘bout this - let your kids drive the bus, let them make the decisions, no paid college consultants, help them ONLY WHEN ASKED, celebrate each of their acceptances, and revel in the fact that your kids got in on their own terms.

I agree. My DD was calm throughout the entire process. She selected 7 reasonable schools, mostly OOS flagships, and got into all 7 with merit. I was the one panicking the entire time, primarily because I read sites like this. I should have followed her lead.

She’s a very good student, but definitely had her share of Bs. She had a good SAT score, but not super competitive. DCUM would say she was destined to go to some 3rd tier campus. DCUM would have been wrong.

Same. My DD is choosing between two schools that will cost roughly the same (38-40k) and I could’t be happier. Especially since their price tags are much higher than that. I’m sure someone here will tell me these are third tier schools but really, that says more about them (they’re in 50-100 range). My daughter would be thrilled to attend either, and that’s all that matters.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of this is learn as you go and it will be different for each kid:

- ed v doesn’t love any one school
- cost is considered v cost isn’t a factor
- grades are high, no test score
- grades aren’t that high, but a tough private
- grades are high and high test score
- extra curriculars, good v meh

Etc. You gotta learn it for yourself based on your own situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any safe advice for early high schoolers? Things you wish your child knew? Things you wish you knew? Activities? Resources? All of it?

Learn your DC’s college matches early and often. Do not tell ANYONE where your DC is applying. Learn “the game” for your top match and play that game HARD. You’re welcome.

"the game"? what does that mean?

This confused me too, I have no idea what this means

[Anonymous]

Don’t overreach for ED/REA!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How ‘bout this - let your kids drive the bus, let them make the decisions, no paid college consultants, help them ONLY WHEN ASKED, celebrate each of their acceptances, and revel in the fact that your kids got in on their own terms.

This is foolish. College is a significant financial investment. Would you let your 17-18yr old pick their own stocks? I think some parents are too involved but these kids need guidance to understand the current landscape.

Not foolish at all. Did this with my 17yo (she started early so she’s a bit younger than her classmates) and she has three schools she’s choosing from and she loves each one - will be a tough decision. We didn’t interfere (she wouldn’t even let us read her essays - we said we were available to proofread but she declined), didn’t have any input into her class schedule (she chose her own classes every single year), no college counselor, and we are extremely proud of every school she got into. Because we didn’t need to pay anyone to help her out.

It’s nice to be so rich that you don’t have to care about the cost of college, but that’s not the experience of most. So your input is irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How ‘bout this - let your kids drive the bus, let them make the decisions, no paid college consultants, help them ONLY WHEN ASKED, celebrate each of their acceptances, and revel in the fact that your kids got in on their own terms.

That’s a choice - just not one I was willing to make until I knew my kids had one 4 year college option they would be happy to attend and we could afford. I wanted to make sure the kids are out the house at 18 and at a college where they believe they can be successful. Happy for every acceptance but was really about that first affordable one where as my kid said - I know I am going to college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How ‘bout this - let your kids drive the bus, let them make the decisions, no paid college consultants, help them ONLY WHEN ASKED, celebrate each of their acceptances, and revel in the fact that your kids got in on their own terms.

This is foolish. College is a significant financial investment. Would you let your 17-18yr old pick their own stocks? I think some parents are too involved but these kids need guidance to understand the current landscape.

Not foolish at all. Did this with my 17yo (she started early so she’s a bit younger than her classmates) and she has three schools she’s choosing from and she loves each one - will be a tough decision. We didn’t interfere (she wouldn’t even let us read her essays - we said we were available to proofread but she declined), didn’t have any input into her class schedule (she chose her own classes every single year), no college counselor, and we are extremely proud of every school she got into. Because we didn’t need to pay anyone to help her out.

It’s nice to be so rich that you don’t have to care about the cost of college, but that’s not the experience of most. So your input is irrelevant.

Can you point to where I said we didn’t have to care about the cost of college? Or that we’re full pay?
(Hint: you can’t. We absolutely worry. And our DD knew our budget)

[Anonymous]

I wish I knew that test scores would not help as much as we thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any safe advice for early high schoolers? Things you wish your child knew? Things you wish you knew? Activities? Resources? All of it?

How certain parents would react, and who was happy for whom, IRL, when the acceptances came.

Be forewarned, people!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I had never read this forum. Seriously. So much wasted angst. Why am I still here? I wonder too.

The only two helpful things I learned here:

1) UVA only takes the top 5% of the class in state
2) UVA requires four years of the SAME language even if an “advanced diploma” just needs any four. Do not count on the school to explain this to them when they’re making course choices.

If you are UMC white and can’t pay $80,000 a year for school, just get comfortable now that the best you can realistically hope for is merit aid at big state U you hadn’t ever considered.

Nope. You can find an excellent SLAC that will offer aid and pay $30,000, just like a big state U (both those you considered and did not consider)

[Anonymous]

I wish I'd had known my kid knew what they were talking about. They insisted they had a chance at their dream school, I convinced them didn't, and they ended up in a downward spiral for months because I didn't have any confidence in them. Give your kids more credit than you think they deserve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I'd had known my kid knew what they were talking about. They insisted they had a chance at their dream school, I convinced them didn't, and they ended up in a downward spiral for months because I didn't have any confidence in them. Give your kids more credit than you think they deserve.

Wow, this sucks. Where is your kid going?