Things you wish you knew…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to Princeton last century and I'm sure I thought my education was pretty special - at the time. But by the time I was in my late 20s, it was clear that it wasn't special, and that there were plenty of people who came out of MI and Indiana and UCLA who were every bit as smart, educated, and had plenty of connections. Plus had soft skills and sales skills I probably lacked.

So I knew this, but the soup we were living in put so much value on "prestige" schools it was very hard to push past it.

I think I wish I would have sent my kids to those derided "pay to play" summer things freshman and sophomore years. Find out Syracuse and UCLA are really pretty nice fun of bright kids, and compare favorable to Georgetown etc

Wow, it's getting wild in here with Indiana and Syracuse in the same breath as UCLA!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How ‘bout this - let your kids drive the bus, let them make the decisions, no paid college consultants, help them ONLY WHEN ASKED, celebrate each of their acceptances, and revel in the fact that your kids got in on their own terms.

This is foolish. College is a significant financial investment. Would you let your 17-18yr old pick their own stocks? I think some parents are too involved but these kids need guidance to understand the current landscape.

Not foolish at all. Did this with my 17yo (she started early so she’s a bit younger than her classmates) and she has three schools she’s choosing from and she loves each one - will be a tough decision. We didn’t interfere (she wouldn’t even let us read her essays - we said we were available to proofread but she declined), didn’t have any input into her class schedule (she chose her own classes every single year), no college counselor, and we are extremely proud of every school she got into. Because we didn’t need to pay anyone to help her out.

No offense but . . . . I dgaf what you did. You can trust others to do what they think is best for their own kids, in return.

Well, that changes the landscape for everyone else when you’re paying for tutors that others can’t afford, and basically doing the apps for your kid. It’s no longer your kids achievement, it’s yours. So that’s why you should GAF. But since you’re only concerned with yourself, you won’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How ‘bout this - let your kids drive the bus, let them make the decisions, no paid college consultants, help them ONLY WHEN ASKED, celebrate each of their acceptances, and revel in the fact that your kids got in on their own terms.

This is foolish. College is a significant financial investment. Would you let your 17-18yr old pick their own stocks? I think some parents are too involved but these kids need guidance to understand the current landscape.

Not foolish at all. Did this with my 17yo (she started early so she’s a bit younger than her classmates) and she has three schools she’s choosing from and she loves each one - will be a tough decision. We didn’t interfere (she wouldn’t even let us read her essays - we said we were available to proofread but she declined), didn’t have any input into her class schedule (she chose her own classes every single year), no college counselor, and we are extremely proud of every school she got into. Because we didn’t need to pay anyone to help her out.

No offense but . . . . I dgaf what you did. You can trust others to do what they think is best for their own kids, in return.

Well, that changes the landscape for everyone else when you’re paying for tutors that others can’t afford, and basically doing the apps for your kid. It’s no longer your kids achievement, it’s yours. So that’s why you should GAF. But since you’re only concerned with yourself, you won’t.

Life isnt fair. But Everything will be OK.

Do everything you can with what you’ve got. But life isn’t fair and this is a great learning lesson for kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t believe what people tell you anonymously, there is zero reputational risk if they are wrong and zero penalty for lying or mischief-making.

If they can’t provide a link to a publicly stated policy, text, or data point treat it as bullshit.

Treat the targeted marketing from colleges as bull, too. Outreach to specific students including paid campus visits is an effort by the school to drum up applicants and, among those admitted, yield. And an offer for a non-need-based application waiver is a way to drum up applications only. Don’t assume interest beyond that.

[Anonymous]

My parents back in 1979 took me aside and said I can any college I want and money is no object.

They then added that’s be cause they are not paying for it and that includes cost of college applications or SATs.

They then added they are forbidding me from taking student loans, I had to attend college full time or I was being kicked out of house after HS.

My parents had four kids, all four grad degrees, all four did it no loans.

Today parents are too involved,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Research how majors are admitted at each school. An easy admit for undecided can be an almost impossible CS or business admit (for example- Penn State had around 5% admit for business this year)!

We were very ignorant about the small details like these and wish we had researched them before applying.

Unfortunately, as you found out, those are not small details.

NP - Where do you find this information? The idea of declaring an intended major is new to us. Sounds like it can help with some schools but hurt with others?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to Princeton last century and I'm sure I thought my education was pretty special - at the time. But by the time I was in my late 20s, it was clear that it wasn't special, and that there were plenty of people who came out of MI and Indiana and UCLA who were every bit as smart, educated, and had plenty of connections. Plus had soft skills and sales skills I probably lacked.

So I knew this, but the soup we were living in put so much value on "prestige" schools it was very hard to push past it.

I think I wish I would have sent my kids to those derided "pay to play" summer things freshman and sophomore years. Find out Syracuse and UCLA are really pretty nice fun of bright kids, and compare favorable to Georgetown etc

Wow, it's getting wild in here with Indiana and Syracuse in the same breath as UCLA!

UCLA had a 70% acceptance rate in the 90s

[Anonymous]

Sometime around 9th grade, it's very useful for parents to take the time to really educate themselves about the realities of the college admissions process today. I mean really do a deep dive. Know the difference between ED1, SCEA, EA, RD etc. Get a sense of the testing universe. UCs won't even look at test scores. MIT won't look at your app without them. Know what a hook is and which schools value which hooks. Look at the admissions data from your high school. Who's getting in where. And why? Are they athletes? Legacy? And so on and so forth.

Then do a realistic appraisal of finances. Understand that financial aid and merit is going to vary from school to school. Some schools like Princeton are offering FA to families with upwards of $300,000 in annual income. Most schools don't. And many are in between. Some schools, such as all the Ivies, don't offer any merit. Some schools like Alabama and many, many others offer very generous packages to high stats kids regardless of income. Be mindful that your income today is not destiny. Know the ins and outs of financial aid and merit scholarships.

Finally, have a sit down with your 9th grader. Assure them that they will have plenty of college options. List them - state schools etc. Tell them what you can reasonable afford. If studying sociology at NYU is not in the cards, let them know. But do explain what you've learned about merit and the variability of financial aid. And then explain that if they want something more, here's what it takes. If they want to go to a top 30 school, this is what it takes - GPA, course rigor, test scores, ECs, leadership, recommendations. Same with if they want to go into very competitive programs like engineering or computer science - highest level math and STEM classes, science competitions, etc.

And then step aside and leave the rest up to them. It's their journey. A parent can offer information and support. The rest is up to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to Princeton last century and I'm sure I thought my education was pretty special - at the time. But by the time I was in my late 20s, it was clear that it wasn't special, and that there were plenty of people who came out of MI and Indiana and UCLA who were every bit as smart, educated, and had plenty of connections. Plus had soft skills and sales skills I probably lacked.

So I knew this, but the soup we were living in put so much value on "prestige" schools it was very hard to push past it.

I think I wish I would have sent my kids to those derided "pay to play" summer things freshman and sophomore years. Find out Syracuse and UCLA are really pretty nice fun of bright kids, and compare favorable to Georgetown etc

Wow, it's getting wild in here with Indiana and Syracuse in the same breath as UCLA!

UCLA had a 70% acceptance rate in the 90s

DP

In 1940, the acceptance rate at Harvard was 85%.

[Anonymous]

Visiting Yale and Princeton even though we knew getting into either is a lottery. We wanted inspire but instead it led to heartbreak.

[Anonymous]

Nothing, they will end up exactly where they should be. Go travel, go volunteer, go and have fun! Everyone end up in the same place which is working, it's just not that interesting!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How ‘bout this - let your kids drive the bus, let them make the decisions, no paid college consultants, help them ONLY WHEN ASKED, celebrate each of their acceptances, and revel in the fact that your kids got in on their own terms.

I agree. My DD was calm throughout the entire process. She selected 7 reasonable schools, mostly OOS flagships, and got into all 7 with merit. I was the one panicking the entire time, primarily because I read sites like this. I should have followed her lead.

She’s a very good student, but definitely had her share of Bs. She had a good SAT score, but not super competitive. DCUM would say she was destined to go to some 3rd tier campus. DCUM would have been wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How ‘bout this - let your kids drive the bus, let them make the decisions, no paid college consultants, help them ONLY WHEN ASKED, celebrate each of their acceptances, and revel in the fact that your kids got in on their own terms.

I agree. My DD was calm throughout the entire process. She selected 7 reasonable schools, mostly OOS flagships, and got into all 7 with merit. I was the one panicking the entire time, primarily because I read sites like this. I should have followed her lead.

She’s a very good student, but definitely had her share of Bs. She had a good SAT score, but not super competitive. DCUM would say she was destined to go to some 3rd tier campus. DCUM would have been wrong.

How much are you paying per year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Visiting Yale and Princeton even though we knew getting into either is a lottery. We wanted inspire but instead it led to heartbreak.

Agree with this. We did a lot wrong but this is something we did right. Our kids go to a DC private and in a grade-wide meeting sophomore year the college counselor said something to the effect of "start visiting colleges but don't start with Harvard, Princeton, Yale etc."

So we didn't although my kid has the grades/scores for a lottery ticket anywhere. We saw some second and third tier schools and now a year later one of those schools is likely my kid's ED choice for next year and she will also be fine attending any one of the rest. We've since seen some elite schools (still no Ivies) but she likes some of the lower ranked ones just as much if not better than the top 20 ones. There is something special about the first handful of schools a kid visits. I think the novelty of the first visits mean that more times than not they end up being among the eventual favorites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents back in 1979 took me aside and said I can any college I want and money is no object.

They then added that’s be cause they are not paying for it and that includes cost of college applications or SATs.

They then added they are forbidding me from taking student loans, I had to attend college full time or I was being kicked out of house after HS.

My parents had four kids, all four grad degrees, all four did it no loans.

Today parents are too involved,

Key part of post: “1979”