Can you ever really forget someone you once loved?

[Anonymous]

I’ve never forgotten any of the guys I really loved, but only a couple haunt me on a regular basis.

I just found out last week that the man I loved in law school died a year ago. I’m gutted to know he’s gone from this world. He is actually the someone I probably should have taken the plunge with, but I was terrified of his love and ran away. I hurt him then on the theory that I wouldn’t hurt him and he wouldn’t hurt me if we broke up then instead of someday in the future after our hearts had been broken. The only winning move is not to play, right?

Neither of us ever married or were in a long term serious relationship. He’s still the person I have conversations with in my head and carried in my heart all these 25 years since.

The grief and regret are bad but then I think, what if in a relationship I’d grown from love to contempt and didn’t even care that he’d died? The worst case scenario would have been if we’d had a healthy loving joyful relationship for 25 years and then I had to try to move on without him.

As it is I’m used to being alone and being haunted. When I see women who are haunted by betrayals I feel it’s okay to prefer to be haunted by what ifs.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely yes. Two men that I was in serious relationships with, both of which were passionate, all-consuming love affairs. When I do think about it now, as a woman happily married in my 40s, I feel no regret at all. There was a lot of drama that went with that sexual attraction, and I couldn’t imagine growing old with either of them.

[Anonymous]

Guess I am cursed with the inability to forget those I’ve loved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely yes. Two men that I was in serious relationships with, both of which were passionate, all-consuming love affairs. When I do think about it now, as a woman happily married in my 40s, I feel no regret at all. There was a lot of drama that went with that sexual attraction, and I couldn’t imagine growing old with either of them.

You say absolutely yes that you can forget them but your memories are rich in detail.so you haven’t forgotten them.

[Anonymous]

I can’t forget them but I rarely think about them. When I do I wonder what was I thinking as they fall so far short of the guy I married. Maybe their value was helping me understand what I didn’t want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will always love the people in which I shared a connection. Even my really good friend who passed me on. I miss him.

Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was ghosted by someone I dated for almost two years. She just upped and left. Got a text and blocked.

I was really in love with her...like I thought she was the one. I was devastated and broken for months. It was the worst pain I ever felt. We didn't argue, I never raised my voice to her and I would melt every time she looked at me, I loved her eyes. I planned 99% of our dates, tried to be thoughtful even to the point I'd leave little chocolates in her lunch she took to work. I cooked her dinner, I helped her landscape her yard more than once, gave her everything I had in my heart.

Unfortunately, I will always remember that. I honestly wish I never had met her. Because of that no woman will ever get the full "me", I can't let myself be hurt like that ever again.

Did you ever find out how her life wound up? What about how yours did? She's not the only woman on the planet.

[Anonymous]

Yes, when you finally see them for who they really are and understand why it didn’t work out between you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never forgotten any of the guys I really loved, but only a couple haunt me on a regular basis.

I just found out last week that the man I loved in law school died a year ago. I’m gutted to know he’s gone from this world. He is actually the someone I probably should have taken the plunge with, but I was terrified of his love and ran away. I hurt him then on the theory that I wouldn’t hurt him and he wouldn’t hurt me if we broke up then instead of someday in the future after our hearts had been broken. The only winning move is not to play, right?

Neither of us ever married or were in a long term serious relationship. He’s still the person I have conversations with in my head and carried in my heart all these 25 years since.

The grief and regret are bad but then I think, what if in a relationship I’d grown from love to contempt and didn’t even care that he’d died? The worst case scenario would have been if we’d had a healthy loving joyful relationship for 25 years and then I had to try to move on without him.

As it is I’m used to being alone and being haunted. When I see women who are haunted by betrayals I feel it’s okay to prefer to be haunted by what ifs.

Pp, I woke up thinking about this post. I wish you would show your younger self more grace and trust. She wasn’t a complete lunatic and she might have understood or noted things you forgot about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, when you finally see them for who they really are and understand why it didn’t work out between you.

This!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t forget them but I rarely think about them. When I do I wonder what was I thinking as they fall so far short of the guy I married. Maybe their value was helping me understand what I didn’t want.

Same. I don't forget them completely but I certainly do not waste time thinking about them either. Often times we realize down the road why something didn't happen the way we thought it would.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I can think of some people I have dated that I did love and now I don't think of them hardly at all. I wouldn't say I've "forgotten" them in that if I see or hear their name I don't say "who is that"? But I certainly don't think of them often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:no. even someone i don't think of every day will still appear in my dreams.

Ok, but to this end, can you ever really forget someone you once knew? I mean, I still have dreams that might include someone I went to Kindergarten with. Haven't thought of them much since, but my brain hasn't been wiped of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No

Unless ended in very bad terms or the breakup was long and nasty. Ie a divorce

How do you ever connect with someone who has had a failed relationship then if they are always thinking about that person or wishing you were them or they just cannot open up because they are scared? Is it best just to avoid people who struggle to move past a failed marriage or relationship?

[Anonymous]

I think of people I should have dated more than people that are former partners. Then think of what an idiot I was for not pursuing......