I can’t WAIT to have teens!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 6 year old, 5 year old and 1.5 year old - I LOVE it. I would never complain to parents with teenagers. Having teens (as demonstrated on this thread) sounds horrible.

My kids all sleep around 12 hours a night and one of them still takes a 2 hour nap during the middle of the day. I don't have to worry about them sneaking out or doing drugs or having sex. They love me and cuddle with me and wake up in the mornings saying "Good morning mama! I love you!"

I am soaking this all in so I can play it in my mind when they are older and refuse to talk to me.

You’re buying into the terrible teen mythology. My teens both talked to me and still do as young adults. They both would hug me, sure not cuddle monsters like when they were little but nice adult hugs. Now I get to talk to them about politics or the news. My daughter and I watch the GBBS together and Jeopardy too. My son shares things he’s learning in his classes and my husband and I help problem solve. Every age has its blessings and curses. IMHO no one age is all better or all worse than another. I would love them to be 3 and 5 again for a day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 6 year old, 5 year old and 1.5 year old - I LOVE it. I would never complain to parents with teenagers. Having teens (as demonstrated on this thread) sounds horrible.

My kids all sleep around 12 hours a night and one of them still takes a 2 hour nap during the middle of the day. I don't have to worry about them sneaking out or doing drugs or having sex. They love me and cuddle with me and wake up in the mornings saying "Good morning mama! I love you!"

I am soaking this all in so I can play it in my mind when they are older and refuse to talk to me.

You’re buying into the terrible teen mythology. My teens both talked to me and still do as young adults. They both would hug me, sure not cuddle monsters like when they were little but nice adult hugs. Now I get to talk to them about politics or the news. My daughter and I watch the GBBS together and Jeopardy too. My son shares things he’s learning in his classes and my husband and I help problem solve. Every age has its blessings and curses. IMHO no one age is all better or all worse than another. I would love them to be 3 and 5 again for a day!

For the most part, terrible teens have terrible parents. There are exceptions such as mental issues or external trauma (death of a parent etc.) but by and large it’s the case. It’s easy to parent little kids because you have full power over them and they have to listen to you. But if you don’t a close, respectful relationship during the early years, they’ll immediately pull away from and stop listening to you once they’re old enough to be the parent. If you do focus on fostering a good relationship during the early years, they’re more likely to continue talking to you and letting you in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 6 year old, 5 year old and 1.5 year old - I LOVE it. I would never complain to parents with teenagers. Having teens (as demonstrated on this thread) sounds horrible.

My kids all sleep around 12 hours a night and one of them still takes a 2 hour nap during the middle of the day. I don't have to worry about them sneaking out or doing drugs or having sex. They love me and cuddle with me and wake up in the mornings saying "Good morning mama! I love you!"

I am soaking this all in so I can play it in my mind when they are older and refuse to talk to me.

You’re buying into the terrible teen mythology. My teens both talked to me and still do as young adults. They both would hug me, sure not cuddle monsters like when they were little but nice adult hugs. Now I get to talk to them about politics or the news. My daughter and I watch the GBBS together and Jeopardy too. My son shares things he’s learning in his classes and my husband and I help problem solve. Every age has its blessings and curses. IMHO no one age is all better or all worse than another. I would love them to be 3 and 5 again for a day!

For the most part, terrible teens have terrible parents. There are exceptions such as mental issues or external trauma (death of a parent etc.) but by and large it’s the case. It’s easy to parent little kids because you have full power over them and they have to listen to you. But if you don’t a close, respectful relationship during the early years, they’ll immediately pull away from and stop listening to you once they’re old enough to be the parent. If you do focus on fostering a good relationship during the early years, they’re more likely to continue talking to you and letting you in.

Ugh so many typos. “Once they’re old enough to be independent”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 6 year old, 5 year old and 1.5 year old - I LOVE it. I would never complain to parents with teenagers. Having teens (as demonstrated on this thread) sounds horrible.

My kids all sleep around 12 hours a night and one of them still takes a 2 hour nap during the middle of the day. I don't have to worry about them sneaking out or doing drugs or having sex. They love me and cuddle with me and wake up in the mornings saying "Good morning mama! I love you!"

I am soaking this all in so I can play it in my mind when they are older and refuse to talk to me.

You’re buying into the terrible teen mythology. My teens both talked to me and still do as young adults. They both would hug me, sure not cuddle monsters like when they were little but nice adult hugs. Now I get to talk to them about politics or the news. My daughter and I watch the GBBS together and Jeopardy too. My son shares things he’s learning in his classes and my husband and I help problem solve. Every age has its blessings and curses. IMHO no one age is all better or all worse than another. I would love them to be 3 and 5 again for a day!

For the most part, terrible teens have terrible parents. There are exceptions such as mental issues or external trauma (death of a parent etc.) but by and large it’s the case. It’s easy to parent little kids because you have full power over them and they have to listen to you. But if you don’t a close, respectful relationship during the early years, they’ll immediately pull away from and stop listening to you once they’re old enough to be the parent. If you do focus on fostering a good relationship during the early years, they’re more likely to continue talking to you and letting you in.

I have good relationships with both my older teens and neither of them has had major problems in the teen years. One of them in fact has been much easier as a teen than he was from age 8-13. So that said, I think you are wrong about this. Very, very wrong. There are plenty of good parents who have difficult teens. And I suspect you underestimate the prevalence of mental health issues/trauma--some of the difficult teens you know of have mental health issues or traumas that you know nothing about. And if parenting and outcomes are so closely linked in your mind, what explains the good kids out there who do actually have terrible parents?

Your eagerness to blame this on parenting suggests a deep need to assure yourself that this couldn't happen to you or your kids.

[Anonymous]

This is very dependent on your kid's personality. My older brother was a huge PITA as a teen. Drugs, kicked out of school, etc. Less than two years later, I came along and was an angel (no, really). I never caused my mom one ounce of trouble. Same parents, different kids. My brother probably had ADHD and was very impulsive and got into a boatload of trouble because of it. It had nothing to do with how my parents' relationship with him was. Now he is a normally functioning adult but the teen/early 20s were very tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want a teen now, I will loan you mine!

When you wake up at 5:45am to pee, you might discover
A. they actually haven’t come home yet and haven’t texted you to say where they are
B. They texted you at 1am to let you know “FYI” that a new girlfriend stayed overnight with them, and presumably is still in their bedroom
C. They texted you at 3am to say the car battery died, can you pick them up? Then lots more “?” texts but no actual update on what happened or where they are

I could go on and on….😭

I can't even imagine the ass-whooping I would have gotten if I had done any of those things.

there is literally a 0% change my kids will ever do A, B, or C. ZERO

Absolutely. Privileges are earned. No freedom without responsibility. If I missed the bus I missed school and got detention and missed after school activities. No cell phones back in my day so if you forget gear or a form, it's on you not your parent. Scream at me for 15 minutes??? I do not do things for people who treat me badly, you're showing your kid how to let people treat them if you allow them to treat you like garbage.

Admittedly, my kids are 7,7 and 10 but if they whine about setting the table then they have to also sweep the floor, whine about that and you mop the kitchen. My 10 yr old is starting with friend drama and I got her Judy Blume books to show her that, although the pain is real, it's a part of life and growing up and becoming someone who can solve problems and, really, all kids go through this. It's my job to help her become a functioning adult and the amount of autotomy she has is directionally proportional to the sense she shows.

You have no self awareness or reflection, do you? You sound so sure of everything... Me, me, me... Newsflash, you are not your kids!
You have not raised teens, and if you had an ounce of reasoning, you would be aware of that, and admit that you do not know how you will handle it as you never did handle it, but you hope this is how you would handle it.
Only stupid people know everything and are certain that other people are morons.

I dont know everything, but I'm certain the parent whose child texts them at 3 am has a moron for a parent. First I'd take the gd phone away. Then the car. You bring girls over in the middle of the night, your bedroom door comes off. It's called discipline, you should try it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want a teen now, I will loan you mine!

When you wake up at 5:45am to pee, you might discover
A. they actually haven’t come home yet and haven’t texted you to say where they are
B. They texted you at 1am to let you know “FYI” that a new girlfriend stayed overnight with them, and presumably is still in their bedroom
C. They texted you at 3am to say the car battery died, can you pick them up? Then lots more “?” texts but no actual update on what happened or where they are

I could go on and on….😭

I can't even imagine the ass-whooping I would have gotten if I had done any of those things.

there is literally a 0% change my kids will ever do A, B, or C. ZERO

Absolutely. Privileges are earned. No freedom without responsibility. If I missed the bus I missed school and got detention and missed after school activities. No cell phones back in my day so if you forget gear or a form, it's on you not your parent. Scream at me for 15 minutes??? I do not do things for people who treat me badly, you're showing your kid how to let people treat them if you allow them to treat you like garbage.

Admittedly, my kids are 7,7 and 10 but if they whine about setting the table then they have to also sweep the floor, whine about that and you mop the kitchen. My 10 yr old is starting with friend drama and I got her Judy Blume books to show her that, although the pain is real, it's a part of life and growing up and becoming someone who can solve problems and, really, all kids go through this. It's my job to help her become a functioning adult and the amount of autotomy she has is directionally proportional to the sense she shows.

You have no self awareness or reflection, do you? You sound so sure of everything... Me, me, me... Newsflash, you are not your kids!
You have not raised teens, and if you had an ounce of reasoning, you would be aware of that, and admit that you do not know how you will handle it as you never did handle it, but you hope this is how you would handle it.
Only stupid people know everything and are certain that other people are morons.

I dont know everything, but I'm certain the parent whose child texts them at 3 am has a moron for a parent. First I'd take the gd phone away. Then the car. You bring girls over in the middle of the night, your bedroom door comes off. It's called discipline, you should try it.

See, I am not that pp whose kid texted at 3 am in that scenario. But, the reality is that you want your teen to text you at 3 am. You want them to know that you will come and get them no matter what. You hope they call you no matter what.
The fact that you don't get that tells me that you are so far away from teen years with your kids, you truly don't have a clue what being a good parent to teens is.
You will learn though. Just know that you sound annoying as hell to the rest of us and likely to your friends who have older kids. If you have any friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want a teen now, I will loan you mine!

When you wake up at 5:45am to pee, you might discover
A. they actually haven’t come home yet and haven’t texted you to say where they are
B. They texted you at 1am to let you know “FYI” that a new girlfriend stayed overnight with them, and presumably is still in their bedroom
C. They texted you at 3am to say the car battery died, can you pick them up? Then lots more “?” texts but no actual update on what happened or where they are

I could go on and on….😭

I can't even imagine the ass-whooping I would have gotten if I had done any of those things.

there is literally a 0% change my kids will ever do A, B, or C. ZERO

Absolutely. Privileges are earned. No freedom without responsibility. If I missed the bus I missed school and got detention and missed after school activities. No cell phones back in my day so if you forget gear or a form, it's on you not your parent. Scream at me for 15 minutes??? I do not do things for people who treat me badly, you're showing your kid how to let people treat them if you allow them to treat you like garbage.

Admittedly, my kids are 7,7 and 10 but if they whine about setting the table then they have to also sweep the floor, whine about that and you mop the kitchen. My 10 yr old is starting with friend drama and I got her Judy Blume books to show her that, although the pain is real, it's a part of life and growing up and becoming someone who can solve problems and, really, all kids go through this. It's my job to help her become a functioning adult and the amount of autotomy she has is directionally proportional to the sense she shows.

You have no self awareness or reflection, do you? You sound so sure of everything... Me, me, me... Newsflash, you are not your kids!
You have not raised teens, and if you had an ounce of reasoning, you would be aware of that, and admit that you do not know how you will handle it as you never did handle it, but you hope this is how you would handle it.
Only stupid people know everything and are certain that other people are morons.

I dont know everything, but I'm certain the parent whose child texts them at 3 am has a moron for a parent. First I'd take the gd phone away. Then the car. You bring girls over in the middle of the night, your bedroom door comes off. It's called discipline, you should try it.

See, I am not that pp whose kid texted at 3 am in that scenario. But, the reality is that you want your teen to text you at 3 am. You want them to know that you will come and get them no matter what. You hope they call you no matter what.
The fact that you don't get that tells me that you are so far away from teen years with your kids, you truly don't have a clue what being a good parent to teens is.
You will learn though. Just know that you sound annoying as hell to the rest of us and likely to your friends who have older kids. If you have any friends.

You're probably that parent who lets their teens drink alcohol at home because "it's safer" that way. No teen needs to be out of the house at 3 am. Set a curfew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want a teen now, I will loan you mine!

When you wake up at 5:45am to pee, you might discover
A. they actually haven’t come home yet and haven’t texted you to say where they are
B. They texted you at 1am to let you know “FYI” that a new girlfriend stayed overnight with them, and presumably is still in their bedroom
C. They texted you at 3am to say the car battery died, can you pick them up? Then lots more “?” texts but no actual update on what happened or where they are

I could go on and on….😭

I can't even imagine the ass-whooping I would have gotten if I had done any of those things.

there is literally a 0% change my kids will ever do A, B, or C. ZERO

Absolutely. Privileges are earned. No freedom without responsibility. If I missed the bus I missed school and got detention and missed after school activities. No cell phones back in my day so if you forget gear or a form, it's on you not your parent. Scream at me for 15 minutes??? I do not do things for people who treat me badly, you're showing your kid how to let people treat them if you allow them to treat you like garbage.

Admittedly, my kids are 7,7 and 10 but if they whine about setting the table then they have to also sweep the floor, whine about that and you mop the kitchen. My 10 yr old is starting with friend drama and I got her Judy Blume books to show her that, although the pain is real, it's a part of life and growing up and becoming someone who can solve problems and, really, all kids go through this. It's my job to help her become a functioning adult and the amount of autotomy she has is directionally proportional to the sense she shows.

You have no self awareness or reflection, do you? You sound so sure of everything... Me, me, me... Newsflash, you are not your kids!
You have not raised teens, and if you had an ounce of reasoning, you would be aware of that, and admit that you do not know how you will handle it as you never did handle it, but you hope this is how you would handle it.
Only stupid people know everything and are certain that other people are morons.

I dont know everything, but I'm certain the parent whose child texts them at 3 am has a moron for a parent. First I'd take the gd phone away. Then the car. You bring girls over in the middle of the night, your bedroom door comes off. It's called discipline, you should try it.

See, I am not that pp whose kid texted at 3 am in that scenario. But, the reality is that you want your teen to text you at 3 am. You want them to know that you will come and get them no matter what. You hope they call you no matter what.
The fact that you don't get that tells me that you are so far away from teen years with your kids, you truly don't have a clue what being a good parent to teens is.
You will learn though. Just know that you sound annoying as hell to the rest of us and likely to your friends who have older kids. If you have any friends.

You're probably that parent who lets their teens drink alcohol at home because "it's safer" that way. No teen needs to be out of the house at 3 am. Set a curfew.

I am not and I was not. Not even close. You are truly embarrassing yourself at this point. Most of us are just laughing at you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 6 year old, 5 year old and 1.5 year old - I LOVE it. I would never complain to parents with teenagers. Having teens (as demonstrated on this thread) sounds horrible.

My kids all sleep around 12 hours a night and one of them still takes a 2 hour nap during the middle of the day. I don't have to worry about them sneaking out or doing drugs or having sex. They love me and cuddle with me and wake up in the mornings saying "Good morning mama! I love you!"

I am soaking this all in so I can play it in my mind when they are older and refuse to talk to me.

You’re buying into the terrible teen mythology. My teens both talked to me and still do as young adults. They both would hug me, sure not cuddle monsters like when they were little but nice adult hugs. Now I get to talk to them about politics or the news. My daughter and I watch the GBBS together and Jeopardy too. My son shares things he’s learning in his classes and my husband and I help problem solve. Every age has its blessings and curses. IMHO no one age is all better or all worse than another. I would love them to be 3 and 5 again for a day!

For the most part, terrible teens have terrible parents. There are exceptions such as mental issues or external trauma (death of a parent etc.) but by and large it’s the case. It’s easy to parent little kids because you have full power over them and they have to listen to you. But if you don’t a close, respectful relationship during the early years, they’ll immediately pull away from and stop listening to you once they’re old enough to be the parent. If you do focus on fostering a good relationship during the early years, they’re more likely to continue talking to you and letting you in.

I have good relationships with both my older teens and neither of them has had major problems in the teen years. One of them in fact has been much easier as a teen than he was from age 8-13. So that said, I think you are wrong about this. Very, very wrong. There are plenty of good parents who have difficult teens. And I suspect you underestimate the prevalence of mental health issues/trauma--some of the difficult teens you know of have mental health issues or traumas that you know nothing about. And if parenting and outcomes are so closely linked in your mind, what explains the good kids out there who do actually have terrible parents?

Your eagerness to blame this on parenting suggests a deep need to assure yourself that this couldn't happen to you or your kids.

I have young adults and have many friends and family members with young adults. So I’ve BTDT. There are exceptions in both directions (great teens of terrible parents, terrible teens of great parents) but for the most part, there’s a strong correlation. Suggesting that it’s completely random and parents have 0 control is a great way for a parent to avoid responsibility and self-reflection, however.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want a teen now, I will loan you mine!

When you wake up at 5:45am to pee, you might discover
A. they actually haven’t come home yet and haven’t texted you to say where they are
B. They texted you at 1am to let you know “FYI” that a new girlfriend stayed overnight with them, and presumably is still in their bedroom
C. They texted you at 3am to say the car battery died, can you pick them up? Then lots more “?” texts but no actual update on what happened or where they are

I could go on and on….😭

I can't even imagine the ass-whooping I would have gotten if I had done any of those things.

there is literally a 0% change my kids will ever do A, B, or C. ZERO

Absolutely. Privileges are earned. No freedom without responsibility. If I missed the bus I missed school and got detention and missed after school activities. No cell phones back in my day so if you forget gear or a form, it's on you not your parent. Scream at me for 15 minutes??? I do not do things for people who treat me badly, you're showing your kid how to let people treat them if you allow them to treat you like garbage.

Admittedly, my kids are 7,7 and 10 but if they whine about setting the table then they have to also sweep the floor, whine about that and you mop the kitchen. My 10 yr old is starting with friend drama and I got her Judy Blume books to show her that, although the pain is real, it's a part of life and growing up and becoming someone who can solve problems and, really, all kids go through this. It's my job to help her become a functioning adult and the amount of autotomy she has is directionally proportional to the sense she shows.

You have no self awareness or reflection, do you? You sound so sure of everything... Me, me, me... Newsflash, you are not your kids!
You have not raised teens, and if you had an ounce of reasoning, you would be aware of that, and admit that you do not know how you will handle it as you never did handle it, but you hope this is how you would handle it.
Only stupid people know everything and are certain that other people are morons.

I dont know everything, but I'm certain the parent whose child texts them at 3 am has a moron for a parent. First I'd take the gd phone away. Then the car. You bring girls over in the middle of the night, your bedroom door comes off. It's called discipline, you should try it.

See, I am not that pp whose kid texted at 3 am in that scenario. But, the reality is that you want your teen to text you at 3 am. You want them to know that you will come and get them no matter what. You hope they call you no matter what.
The fact that you don't get that tells me that you are so far away from teen years with your kids, you truly don't have a clue what being a good parent to teens is.
You will learn though. Just know that you sound annoying as hell to the rest of us and likely to your friends who have older kids. If you have any friends.

You're probably that parent who lets their teens drink alcohol at home because "it's safer" that way. No teen needs to be out of the house at 3 am. Set a curfew.

I am not and I was not. Not even close. You are truly embarrassing yourself at this point. Most of us are just laughing at you.

I realize these posts are anonymous, but there are at least 3 different people responding to you in this thread, all in agreement that bolded poster is a crappy parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want a teen now, I will loan you mine!

When you wake up at 5:45am to pee, you might discover
A. they actually haven’t come home yet and haven’t texted you to say where they are
B. They texted you at 1am to let you know “FYI” that a new girlfriend stayed overnight with them, and presumably is still in their bedroom
C. They texted you at 3am to say the car battery died, can you pick them up? Then lots more “?” texts but no actual update on what happened or where they are

I could go on and on….😭

I can't even imagine the ass-whooping I would have gotten if I had done any of those things.

there is literally a 0% change my kids will ever do A, B, or C. ZERO

Absolutely. Privileges are earned. No freedom without responsibility. If I missed the bus I missed school and got detention and missed after school activities. No cell phones back in my day so if you forget gear or a form, it's on you not your parent. Scream at me for 15 minutes??? I do not do things for people who treat me badly, you're showing your kid how to let people treat them if you allow them to treat you like garbage.

Admittedly, my kids are 7,7 and 10 but if they whine about setting the table then they have to also sweep the floor, whine about that and you mop the kitchen. My 10 yr old is starting with friend drama and I got her Judy Blume books to show her that, although the pain is real, it's a part of life and growing up and becoming someone who can solve problems and, really, all kids go through this. It's my job to help her become a functioning adult and the amount of autotomy she has is directionally proportional to the sense she shows.

You have no self awareness or reflection, do you? You sound so sure of everything... Me, me, me... Newsflash, you are not your kids!
You have not raised teens, and if you had an ounce of reasoning, you would be aware of that, and admit that you do not know how you will handle it as you never did handle it, but you hope this is how you would handle it.
Only stupid people know everything and are certain that other people are morons.

I’ve been a teen and made mistakes and, as a parent, it’s up to me to help my own kid not screw their life up. As a parent you must be your teen’s brain and keep them safe as you do your toddler. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2475802/

I do not think I know everything but certainly know more than a teenager.

“ An increase in activity in the prefrontal regions as an indication of maturation (Rubia et al. 2000; Rubia et al. 2006; Tamm et al. 2002) and diminished activity in irrelevant brain regions (Brown et al. 2005; Durston et al. 2006; Monk et al. 2003) are described as the neurobiological explanation for the behavioral changes associated with adolescence. This general pattern, of improved cognitive control and emotion regulation with maturation of the prefrontal cortex, suggests a linear increase in development from childhood to adulthood.”