Tips for coping with bad medical news?
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Anonymous
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I am trying to go about my life, and prefer to keep it private for now.
But I am shell shocked. Sad and scared. Keep thinking of the future, and all that I am likely to miss. I would welcome tips for how to get through such a time. |
Anonymous
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Me, too.
I was pretty shocked and upset when I got the news. It took me a while (days) to process it. I made an appointment this week for a second opinion to confirm the diagnosis and proposed treatment plan (Understanding that this may/may not be relevant for you). Good luck. Sometimes the only way forward is through. |
Anonymous
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Thank you. If anyone knows of a counselor of some type who could be helpful, feel free to recommend them also.
Best wishes to you too PP…🤗 |
Anonymous
| If it is cancer and you're in the DC area, you could try Life with Cancer at Inova. They provide free counselling and you don't have to be an Inova patient. |
Anonymous
| Compartmentalize. Create "worry time" in your daily schedule, a regular time. Schedule it, say 4-5:30pm each. day. Only then. That's also the time period you tackle communication re: your diagnosis. Do the best you can to train your brain to not have it be the only thing you think about all day/night long. |
Anonymous
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Focus on fighting.
Develop a plan and line up support. Remind yourself things could always be worse. Learn how to find the bright side and cling to it. Going to a dark place won’t help. Force yourself to look for the light and surround yourself with those who can help propel you forward. Be present. Live. Laugh. Love. |
Anonymous
OP, ignore this. This "fight" metaphor (especially in the context of cancer) has done a great deal of damage. And I'm not even going to go into this "Live. Laugh. Love." nonsense. And you don't need to "find the bright side" right now at all or remind yourself that "things could always be worse." That is unhelpful at best. Yeah. Ignore this pp. |
Anonymous
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OP, maybe this story will help you. My mother was diagnosed with an incredibly rare illness at 25. So rare that people didn't really know how it would play out. So rare that for months they believed she had a certain kind of cancer just because there wasn't a standardized way to test for what she did end up having -- which wasn't cancer, but which also, again, was life-limiting and could become incredibly dangerous. At the time, she was also five months pregnant (and promptly miscarried). This was in 1979.
My mother went on to have two more children and four grandchildren. She died of her disease -- at 78. In the hospital in 1979, she told her doctor she was terrified that she could die. He told her to go live her life, to live each day. "You could be hit by a bus tomorrow. You absolutely never know." The point being, fate is fate and the future is unpredictable - for all of us. So try to live in the now. |
Anonymous
Because crawling into bed and throwing in the towel is a better approach? Because it’s a good use of time to fixate on “what if” and lament what you might miss if you don’t make it to 80? I know too many people who missed a lot of living because they were always depressed. I know lots of people battling cancer and MS who are living life and having fun. You do you. |
Anonymous
Wow. Either your reading comprehension is poor, or there is a lack of intellectual ability all around. No one told OP they should be "crawling into bed and throwing in the towel." And this blithe judgment of people who suffer from depression because they "missed a lot of living" demonstrates incredible ignorance of what depression actually is. But OP didn't say anything about clinical depression. They received a shocking diagnosis and are understandably frightened. OP, you are under no obligation to have "fun" right now, no matter what this PP says. Get some support. Rely on family and/or friends if you can. Seek out support groups for people with similar diagnoses. Hopefully you will have excellent doctors you can rely on as well. I'm so sorry you are going through this. |
Anonymous
We don't fight or battle heart disease or diabetes or stroke, yet many people use that terminology for cancer. That is what the PP is referring to. You can research treatments, get second opinions and decide on the course to follow whatever the disease, but no one is out there with a sword or gun or boxing gloves "fighting" their medical condition. |
Anonymous
Disagree. Stroke patients fight to regain whatever they can. Heart disease requires dramatic lifestyle changes. Christina Applegate said in a recent interview that she’s keeping her membership at a tennis club even though she can’t play due to f’in MS. Why? Because she’s fighting like hell and clinging to the hope that one day she might be able to play again. Digest the bad diagnosis and then determine next steps. Like another poster said, nobody can predict the future. Play the cards you’ve been dealt. Better yet: throw the cards in the air and go play whatever game you want to play. |
Anonymous
Barf to all of this. The person who is giving this advice should be banned from ever speaking to a person who is suffering. |
Anonymous
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https://youtu.be/cJ0KVxzxNrs?si=cEtGDuQOEtumcbyg
FWIW, here’s a link to my fight song. |
Anonymous
FTR, I am a person who is suffering, and a relentless commitment to optimism and optimizing my life is my coping mechanism. It’s working for me. The alternative just seems counterproductive. Best of luck to everyone who is struggling. May we all have a peaceful evening, and may tomorrow be a good day. |