How to explain that cleaning your own mess is not "above and beyond"
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Anonymous
| Can someone suggest exact words to use to explain to a teen that washing dishes from a snack they made (for himself) and wiping the counters/putting away food does not warrant getting paid some sort of bonus money on top of his allowance? He doesn't seem to understand that everyone has to contribute to keeping our household in order. We are happy to pay him for "extra" things like digging up a plot for mom's herb garden, helping dad trim our shrubs, or power washing the driveway. Help us to explain the difference to him. |
Anonymous
| "Everyone has to contribute to keeping the household in order, which means we all clean up after ourselves. As a member of this household, this includes you. I've written out a list of things you can get paid for. Everything else you are expected to do and in fact, will be punished if you don't do." |
Anonymous
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Is he contending it’s above and beyond or is it more forgetting and being blind to mess? If the latter I’d try to be patient l( but not clean up for him, even if it’s a hassle to leave mess and remind him vs cleaning it myself) and work on EF issues ideally with kid on board as preparation for college roommates going well. Not sure what I’d do if it was the former but it would certainly annoy me!
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Anonymous
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My husband loves to announce when he does a household task like vacuuming or putting dishes in the dishwasher.
OK? You live here! Why wouldn’t you put dishes in the dishwasher. |
Anonymous
| Everyone lives here but the women are expected to do most of the cleaning. Any contributions by a man are often seen as bonuses. How many women do you know whose husbands graciously offer to "help" them with housework? |
Anonymous
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OP here. This is what the teen does, like he expects a medal for it?!?!
"My husband loves to announce when he does a household task like vacuuming or putting dishes in the dishwasher. OK? You live here! Why wouldn’t you put dishes in the dishwasher." But worse, he expects to be paid for it. |
Anonymous
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I ask my kid “who do you think should be responsible for your dirty dishes? Why?” It forces them to articulate that they believe mom is the maid. Ask questions until they have to admit they really just don’t want to do it.
On paying, I’d say “sure. I’ll pay you for cleaning up after yourself if you’ll pay me for driving you to practice. Deal?” |
Anonymous
"No." |
Anonymous
Tell him there are families like mine that don't pay family members to do any household chores, including "extras". |
Anonymous
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“No.”
“Get bent.” |
Anonymous
| Basically I tie having more freedom with more responsibility, and that includes cleaning and being responsible for your stuff. |
Anonymous
| Just give him a bill after he finishes up dinner. "Oh wait, I don't get paid for cooking?" |
Anonymous
How much is asking? Tell him: "I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further." |
Anonymous
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“You get it out, you clean it up.”
Or Tell him you’ll start charging him for rides and meals. |
Anonymous
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This is why we never paid for doing chores or gave our kids an allowance. You don't do things around the house because you are paid for them. You do them because you live there and/or we asked you to.
(Our kids could ask us for money when they needed it and it was given independent of their chores if we decided the activity/purchase was okay.) So...stop giving him an allowance at all. He's become entitled. |