Do you do anything FUN without your children?

[Anonymous]

I'm curious because I met someone who never does anything fun without her kids except for dinner with her husband. So, besides a lunch/dinner/coffee with your DH or DW or friends do you do anything fun that does not involve the children?

[Anonymous]

No, nothing fun and it has been years since we been to a date night.
SOOOoooooo sad!
He is totally fine with it but I am not comfortable with this at all. We need more fun!

[Anonymous]

OP, what fun things do YOU do?

[Anonymous]

yes... now that i think about it we do: trips sans kids, dinner/movie, attend parties, sex. We also plan vacations with other families so even if the kids are around, they do their own thing for part of the time and we can talk/eat/lay on the beach surrounded by adults

It's important to sneak some time in for you and your partner as a couple, although challenging

[Anonymous]

Yes! Lots! I have book club and dinner out with friends monthly. We go on overnight trips 3-4 times a year. Date night 2-3X a month.

Life is too short- live it up!

[Anonymous]

I go out for dinner/ drinks/ movies with friends at least once a week, sometimes more. Does that count?

[Anonymous]

Every night after DD's bedtime I have some time to relax. Less on the nights before I go into the office because I'm getting ready for the next day, but even on those nights I have at least an hour. On the weekend nights, watching a movie or TV with a glass of wine is fun.

In terms of leaving the house, tomorrow night DH is watching DD (he's been working and traveling a lot and not all of his travel has been work and I haven't much downtime or break from kid-duty in the past two weeks) and I'm having a Mom's Night Out. Just me. I'm going to a late afternoon movie (NEVER go to movies anymore, it's been years!) and then maybe sitting outside and having a drink...possibly a frozen margarita!

On Saturdays after yoga I grab a Starbucks drink and browse through the bookstore. That's fun.

Otherwise, we don't do much else aside from the occasional dinner out while my folks babysit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what fun things do YOU do?

I do some fun things without the kids although I'm not claiming to have the most fun-filled mom existence. What suprised me about this person was the total exclusion of child-free fun, except for dinner with DH. To answer your question, I do a variety of things such as visiting a museum, watching a live band, movie, happy hour with friends. These are not frequent events but I try to make time for myself on occasion.

[Anonymous]

OP, does the other mom work? Are her kids very young? I've had friends who really seem starved for time with their kids, esp in the early years. Due to work demands and commutes they just never feel like there is enough time. Just like any relationships, I think people vary with how much time is pleasurable to them. Some people like a lot of time with others, some like to be alone a lot. Esp if moms had a lot of "me" time before they had kids, that might really be their focus for a few years and if they are all happy, that's great. I think if she chooses to spend her time that way it's fine and just as valid as anyone else's choice. If she was a homebody without kids you wouldn't think she should be going out to bars every night. If she is like that for 18 years, doesn't feel she "deserves" time for herself, etc, that is extreme. I'm wondering if her statement made you question you own use of time? If you like to go out and she likes to stay home with little people I'd chalk it up to being different, not likely to be close and move on.

[Anonymous]

I also have a book club, sometimes go to the movies with just girlfriends, as well as dinners/movies with DH, or drinks with DH and some other friends. Have also gone on vacations without kids, and baseball and tennis games. Also indulge in retail therapy and spa days for myself. We do fun things with our DD as well, but I think our life would be lacking if we didn't do fun things for ourselves.

[Anonymous]

Sadly, I do not do many fin things w/o my child. I am a single parent who has my DD 24/7 and I barely meet all of my expenses so I don't have the $$ to 1) pay a babysitter or 2) go out and do something. If my mom visits, I might go shopping by myself (which also includes buying stuff for my DD) and sometimes see a movie or have dinner w/ a friend. But that is about it. It is what it is. I like reading so I do that at night and I get movies from Netflix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, does the other mom work? Are her kids very young? I've had friends who really seem starved for time with their kids, esp in the early years. Due to work demands and commutes they just never feel like there is enough time. Just like any relationships, I think people vary with how much time is pleasurable to them. Some people like a lot of time with others, some like to be alone a lot. Esp if moms had a lot of "me" time before they had kids, that might really be their focus for a few years and if they are all happy, that's great. I think if she chooses to spend her time that way it's fine and just as valid as anyone else's choice. If she was a homebody without kids you wouldn't think she should be going out to bars every night. If she is like that for 18 years, doesn't feel she "deserves" time for herself, etc, that is extreme. I'm wondering if her statement made you question you own use of time? If you like to go out and she likes to stay home with little people I'd chalk it up to being different, not likely to be close and move on.

Not at all. I work, I spend most of my non-working hours with my children and occasionally I make time for myself. This thread really isn't about me at all which is why I refrained from mentioning my own activities in the first post. I'm not judging her I was just surprised and wanted to get an idea of how much or little other moms do for themselves for comparison. Her youngest is in high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, does the other mom work? Are her kids very young? I've had friends who really seem starved for time with their kids, esp in the early years. Due to work demands and commutes they just never feel like there is enough time. Just like any relationships, I think people vary with how much time is pleasurable to them. Some people like a lot of time with others, some like to be alone a lot. Esp if moms had a lot of "me" time before they had kids, that might really be their focus for a few years and if they are all happy, that's great. I think if she chooses to spend her time that way it's fine and just as valid as anyone else's choice. If she was a homebody without kids you wouldn't think she should be going out to bars every night. If she is like that for 18 years, doesn't feel she "deserves" time for herself, etc, that is extreme. I'm wondering if her statement made you question you own use of time? If you like to go out and she likes to stay home with little people I'd chalk it up to being different, not likely to be close and move on.

Not at all. I work, I spend most of my non-working hours with my children and occasionally I make time for myself. This thread really isn't about me at all which is why I refrained from mentioning my own activities in the first post. I'm not judging her I was just surprised and wanted to get an idea of how much or little other moms do for themselves for comparison. Her youngest is in high school.

I'm the earlier poster you quoted and that age of youngest puts a very different spin on things. Yikes. I feel a bit sorry for her kids who must feel some pressure being her entertainment, and I fear she will have a rough transition when they have all left home. The moms I was refering to that I know have infants and toddlers, sometimes things get a little out of whack in the early years. Maybe you could invite her to a movie or to join your book group? Perhaps she is really shy or introverted?

[Anonymous]

I know two people like this, apparantly BOTH of their DHs are against babysitters. I personally think their DHs must not like spending time with their wives and not hiring a babysitter is an excuse to not be alone with their spouse.

DH and I went out 2xs alone just this week. However we do have Grandma that lives near us who jumps at the opportunity to watch the kids. Sometimes we just take a nice long walk together to Starbucks, just the two of us. FWIW, we are a dual income household and I have no guilt about making time for my relationship with my husband. The more mom and dad love each other, the better off the kids are.

[Anonymous]

You could have written that post about me. We really enjoy our kids so include them in most things, including going out to dinner, and always have. We also are somewhat averse to babysitters (not because of money), so during the school day when I am not working I pursue my own interests (music, a sport), and my husband occasionally adds a few days to business trips to pursue his passions (eg, fishing). This works for us.