Want to move back to my hometown, no jobs--how to get over that homesick feeling?

[Anonymous]

We do love this area, it is vibrant, cultural and has so much to offer....that being said my husband and I have been wanting/trying to move back to our hometown for almost 2 years. The local economy where we are from is not the greatest and therefore we have not been able to find work. We are getting to the point where we are going to end our search, but part of me just can't let go. When we made the decision 2 years ago to move back to our hometown our family was so excited (they are all there, we are here without any family whatsoever) and now they are so sad that we are in this situation in needing to "give up" and move on.
We have even looked into the surrounding area of our hometown within a driveable distance and nothing! When we left to move to the DC area we had no idea it would be a one way door. I feel very sad for my children (ages 9 months and 4) that they will be growing up without living near family. So, the bottom line is how on earth do I just let it go and move on????

[Anonymous]

I don't have any specific advice because I struggle with this same issue. We want to move back to where we came from, but for right now, the job situation is much better here. I just try to focus on the positives of being here, such as there is so much more to see and do, and we are trying to take advantage of those things while we're here. Our goal is to move back by the time our oldest is in school (we have a 2 year old and a 7 month old), but who knows. I know time passes by quickly and we could end up here for longer. The hardest part for me too is that I want my kids to grow up knowing their grandparents, uncles, cousins, etc. Here they just have each other and us.

Our plan is to just keep looking for the right opportunities and make it our goal to get back if that's what we really want. It's harder because we still have a house there too that we can't sell. Agh! I just wanted to say I feel your pain!

[Anonymous]

Airplanes? My family uses the technology known as "flight" to go see the long-distance relatives several times a year. Said relatives do the same in reverse - they buy "plane tickets" and come here to spend time with us.

This is the way they stay close. We also "talk on the phone" several times a week and use the "Internet" to stay connected.

Is it the same as living down the street from the house where you were born? No, but this isn't 1938 rural Mississippi, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Airplanes? My family uses the technology known as "flight" to go see the long-distance relatives several times a year. Said relatives do the same in reverse - they buy "plane tickets" and come here to spend time with us.

This is the way they stay close. We also "talk on the phone" several times a week and use the "Internet" to stay connected.

Is it the same as living down the street from the house where you were born? No, but this isn't 1938 rural Mississippi, either.

I don't know about anyone else, but we can't spend $1000+ very often to go visit the relatives. And while Skyping is great, my kids aren't going to really know their relatives that way. I don't think it's a bad thing to want to have a close extended family. If it's not as important to you, great, but you don't have to be so rude about it.

[Anonymous]

Are people here so sarcastic, cynical, uneducated and narrow minded that they believe most people here are from 1938 rural Mississippi? Does THAT explain the attitude? Because they are horribly misinformed.

[Anonymous]

OP You are talking like this move can never be. Are you closing the door on it for good? In a few years the job market might look different, etc. Perhaps it would help you feel better if you tell yourself this is a break from intense job searching and just accepting that when and if things turn around you might wind up there.

[Anonymous]

I try to look at the good side.

Like, if I was back home, that would be more people in my business.

I am a very private person.

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear this, OP. I hope you can figure out a way to get back home someday.

[Anonymous]

I struggled when my parent's decided to retire and move back to their home state (5 hours drive away). I grew up an Army brat and don't consider where they are from my "home" per se but most of my family does still live in the area where they moved back so it kinda feels like "home" but not 100%. I've never lived there.
It took me a while to get use to not seeing my parent's (especially my mom) every other. I had a 6 mos. old when they moved. As time passed and we talk every day and use skype it has gotten better. We do miss them alot but my daughter has gotten to know them from either long weekend visits up there or they come down for a week a few times a year. It works. I wish there were good jobs up there but it's a very depressed area.
I'm sorry you're sad about not being able to move back home. One thing I see and agree with PP is that with more family around they tend to get in your business as my mom has realized. She's learning to keep her mouth shut on stuff she doesn't want everyone to know. Ha!

[Anonymous]

I know this is really difficult but the availability of jobs is such an important factor. Even if you and your DH found your jobs in your hometown would other jobs be readily available if you lost your jobs? I know people who moved across country in smaller cities/towns for what seemed like a great job and a few of them were then laid off and ended up having to leave the area b/c there was such a scarcity of jobs. I think it would be really difficult for me to plant roots in a city where jobs in my industry were not plentiful.

With that being said--if you do end up staying here, try to think of ways that you can nurture the relationship your kids have with your family. Maybe send them for extended visits in the summer when they are older and encourage your family to come visit as well.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for your responses. Yes, it is expensive for us, a family of 4 to purchase airfair and vice versa, as our family is not that wealthy with disposable income. And that is a great point about if we moved for a job and then got laid off. It is the type of economy in which jobs become available when someone retires or moves away. We are really not "the grass is always greener" type mentality with regards to this desire to move back to our hometown but it really does help when I think of the downsides such as family getting into our business and the jobs stuff. Thanks everyone really appreciate your responses.

[Anonymous]

NP here. OP, I feel your pain. D.C. is not for everyone. For many, it is a trip on the way to the destination. Try to remember it is temporary, and you will be back to reality before long.

You can actually be talented, educated, accomplished and ambitious and yet not like it here. As many people I know.

This place isn't for everyone. Many talented people aren't interested in (or feigning interest in) politics, for example.

Though if you are prone to irrationally barking "leave, then!" or otherwise a head spinning (a la Exorcist) sour contrarian, apparently you are a natural.

In the meantime, be amused. Be very amused.

[Anonymous]

NP here: I find it aggrevating that there are affordable houses but no jobs in where I am from and therefore cannot move back and there are no houses here that we can afford to buy. So either way we are in a gridlock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Airplanes? My family uses the technology known as "flight" to go see the long-distance relatives several times a year. Said relatives do the same in reverse - they buy "plane tickets" and come here to spend time with us.

This is the way they stay close. We also "talk on the phone" several times a week and use the "Internet" to stay connected.

Is it the same as living down the street from the house where you were born? No, but this isn't 1938 rural Mississippi, either.

Nothing better to do than be condescending to OP? We use the advanced technologies you so helpfully highlight with quotation marks but it is absolutely not the same. Not the same as 1938 rural Mississippi, for sure, because few things these days are. But, more fundamentally, flying cross country, talking on the phone, e-mailing, using Skype or whatever, is just not the same as living with easy driving distance of your family.

OP, I feel for you. We're working on moving back to the west coast to be closer to my family, but the job market has held us back. Love DC, but really want my kids to grow up with their grandparents in very close proximity like I did.

[Anonymous]

I'm a person who did what you want to do - when our son was 4 months old we moved back to my hometown. My husband found a job before moving (one of probably 2 he could have had in the area). He's a consultant. We moved and it was TERRIBLE. I couldn't find a job at all and our finances were not ok due to the fact that my husband took a pay cut. Even though the cost of living was less we were having trouble because of my lack of any sort of useful job. We also missed DC - all of the stuff that is annoying became nice...exposure to different cultures and languages, cultural activities and museums, restaurants.....we found that dealing with the shitty traffic and commute were worth not feeling like fish out of water. You know how they say "you can't go home again".....well, I couldn't. Home was the same, but I had changed. Perhaps my tale of woe can make you feel better here! By the way, we moved back here within 6 months.