Mom always wants us to help her out with her work event when we visit

[Anonymous]

My Mom works in events planning for a medium sized college in the town I grew up in. She's been in this job for about two years. Whenever my siblings and I have been up to visit, and there's an event at the college that occurs at the same time, she'll inevitably recruit us to help out to some degree. Sometimes its an innocuous task (ex. driving some programs from her office to an auditorium across campus), but other times it can be a more in-depth task (ex. pick up a catering order, help set up name tags for an event). These tasks are never "public facing," so we're not interacting with other university staff/event attendees. My Mom will always spin this as "oh, I really need your help! It'll be so quick, and it'll be a bonding experience!"

In the past, I've gone along with it, but lately, it's been bothering me more and more. We're taking time out of our schedules to travel and spend time with my parents, not to serve as free labor. I know that my Mom's university has budget issues, so I think that hiring extra staff isn't necessarily an option, but this feels wrong on a few different levels.

[Anonymous]

What are the levels on which it feels wrong?

[Anonymous]

Maybe she’s trying to show you off to her colleagues, or if this is the first job she’s had in a long time maybe she wants you to see her at work. Does your help mean she gets freed up to spend time with you sooner than she would otherwise?

[Anonymous]

She needs to work while you’re in town, so she’s including you in her work. I don’t see the problem.

[Anonymous]

You're being a jerk. Just help your mom. She'd help you if you needed it.

[Anonymous]

I think it's sweet. I used to help my dad a lot when he owned a business. It eventually closed, and he eventually passed. I'd love to spend another day with him at his store, helping his customers.

[Anonymous]

I was going to say she wants to show you off, but you say they're not public-facing. Are her colleagues there to see you working on events?

Maybe she really is overwhelmed?

It's a little odd regardless. I would never ask my kids to do this.

[Anonymous]

I get why you don't want to do this. I assume you are venting because there is really no advice to give. Help or don't help. My guess is that your mom could really use the help or she wouldn't be asking. I am going to guess you are not the oldest child.

[Anonymous]

Do you feel exploited?

[Anonymous]

No is a complete sentence. Use it.

[Anonymous]

I disagree heartily with pps. This isn't some honor bestowed upon you. It's taking advantage of you, your time and money coming to visit her.

Next time she asks "Mom, I really don't feel up to working your event for this visit. If you want to spend time together outside of work, let me know, otherwise I'm going to hang out with Aunt Mary and Cousin Joe. Call me when you're done and we can go for dinner."

[Anonymous]

Just stop visiting. She’s a taker and using you. Remove that energy from your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just stop visiting. She’s a taker and using you. Remove that energy from your life.

Seriously, PP? Are you always this bitter?

[Anonymous]

This woman tolerated having her guts rearranged by a man and then you, them spent years of her life wiping your arse and dealing with your moaning. Still moaning I see. Go set up some tables for the woman and STFU.

[Anonymous]

I think she's showing off to you. She wants you to see that's she's busy and valued and doing important work.