Implementing new rule—dealing with whining?

[Anonymous]

We want to inform our children this weekend that starting Monday, there will be new rules regarding devices (homework first). I know they will whine when we tell them, and fully expect them to protest and whine on Monday and all next week. (I hope it doesn’t last that long but I’m prepared lol)

How do you deal with whining in a way that WORKS? These are 11 and 13yos with strong will. Help!

[Anonymous]

This is a perfect scenario for 123 Magic. You have made it clear what whining looks and sounds like. They do it. You immediately say, “Stop whining. That’s one.” They don’t again. You say, “That’s two.” They do it again. You say, “That’s three.You’ve lost the device for the rest of the day.” No discussion or explanation or other verbal input from you.

If they continue, you say, “That’s one to losing it for a second day.” They continue whining. You say, “That’s two.” They continue. You say, That’s three. No device for today or tomorrow.” Then make sure you follow through. Post the return date on a sticky note on the fridge. Repeat as needed. As long as you are very consistent, it will work.

If you have a kid with an impulse control issue, you may have to give them time to collect themselves between counts so they can process what you said.

You can restart the count if needed after a significant time has passed, like from ten in the morning and again at three.

You should act this out with them ahead of time so they clearly see what is going to happen. Do it as a role play for each child to see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a perfect scenario for 123 Magic. You have made it clear what whining looks and sounds like. They do it. You immediately say, “Stop whining. That’s one.” They don’t again. You say, “That’s two.” They do it again. You say, “That’s three.You’ve lost the device for the rest of the day.” No discussion or explanation or other verbal input from you.

If they continue, you say, “That’s one to losing it for a second day.” They continue whining. You say, “That’s two.” They continue. You say, That’s three. No device for today or tomorrow.” Then make sure you follow through. Post the return date on a sticky note on the fridge. Repeat as needed. As long as you are very consistent, it will work.

If you have a kid with an impulse control issue, you may have to give them time to collect themselves between counts so they can process what you said.

You can restart the count if needed after a significant time has passed, like from ten in the morning and again at three.

You should act this out with them ahead of time so they clearly see what is going to happen. Do it as a role play for each child to see.

This is excellent advice. You are building habits for a lifetime here, OP. Devices are great, but breaks from them can prevent addiction.

My DC has a hard time with impulse control, I do a version of the above but first walk away from whining and don't react. If DC follows and gets in my face, I start counting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We want to inform our children this weekend that starting Monday, there will be new rules regarding devices (homework first). I know they will whine when we tell them, and fully expect them to protest and whine on Monday and all next week. (I hope it doesn’t last that long but I’m prepared lol)

How do you deal with whining in a way that WORKS? These are 11 and 13yos with strong will. Help!

Easy. No whining is the first rule. It won't do any good and likely to cause more rules. 11 and 13 year olds should have been taught long ago that there was a "no whining" rule in the house.

[Anonymous]

I think that setting clear expectations is great, but kids tha

I would set out the expectations at the beginning. Screen time is limited to times when homework is done, shown to a parent and packed in the backpack near the door, and dinner related chores are finished. Whining about it will result in the loss of that day’s time. Come Monday, maybe give a warning but not beyond that.

[Anonymous]

Oops kids that age shouldn’t need multiple reminders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oops kids that age shouldn’t need multiple reminders.

why is there always someone like this on this board.
i mean they obviously DO need them so why is that a helpful comment.

[Anonymous]

Send them to their room or take away screen time.

[Anonymous]

Ignore the whining. Seriously, don't give it attention.

[Anonymous]

If they can’t get through being told homework before devices without whining then they aren’t mature enough to handle devices on a regular basis. Get rid of devices for at least 6 months and revisit, don’t allow this battle to continue. If you pair removal of devices with forced homework in middle school you’re setting yourself up for much worse issues. 123 magic works for 3 year olds whining, 13 yo whining is another level. You need to deal with the screen addiction first, get these kids functioning without screens, get them on a schedule, and allow screens back into their lives after you have whining and other immature behavior under control. I’d bet money that having to do homework isn’t the only thing they whine about. Once they’re capable of acting like young adults you can discuss letting them earn the privilege of screen time back. Slowly. Right now your family can’t handle it.

[Anonymous]

123 Magic is for toddlers. I wouldn’t give teens that many chances.

[Anonymous]

I am dying at the person who suggested 123 magic for an 11 and 13 year old. Ok then.

You say-if you complain then I just take your devices. And we will do that until the whining about the rule stops.

[Anonymous]

What have you been doing discipline wise for 13 years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oops kids that age shouldn’t need multiple reminders.

why is there always someone like this on this board.
i mean they obviously DO need them so why is that a helpful comment.

To be clear, I said "Ooops" because I left off half of a sentence in my previous post.

Strategies where older kids always get the same number of warnings are basically teaching kids to ignore you the first 2 times. 1 2 3 magic is great for toddlers, but to use it for a teen, on behavior that they got warned about yesterday and the day before too is absurd. Kids don't "need" those warnings. They have been trained to ignore you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a perfect scenario for 123 Magic. You have made it clear what whining looks and sounds like. They do it. You immediately say, “Stop whining. That’s one.” They don’t again. You say, “That’s two.” They do it again. You say, “That’s three.You’ve lost the device for the rest of the day.” No discussion or explanation or other verbal input from you.

If they continue, you say, “That’s one to losing it for a second day.” They continue whining. You say, “That’s two.” They continue. You say, That’s three. No device for today or tomorrow.” Then make sure you follow through. Post the return date on a sticky note on the fridge. Repeat as needed. As long as you are very consistent, it will work.

If you have a kid with an impulse control issue, you may have to give them time to collect themselves between counts so they can process what you said.

You can restart the count if needed after a significant time has passed, like from ten in the morning and again at three.

You should act this out with them ahead of time so they clearly see what is going to happen. Do it as a role play for each child to see.

This. All of it. It’s what we used with our kids at this age. The key to making it work is to not engage with explanations. That’s the beauty of 1-2-3 Magic. It gives you a way to respond without emotion and minimal engagement.

I don’t negotiate with terrorists and neither should you.