Elderly mom with dementia scared my chkld

[Anonymous]

Mom was sun downing and yelling. My 8 yr old came down to see the ruckus. Mom screamed at DH , said she wanted to kill him, and tried to hit the cat. My dad is petrified. I need to get my mom out of here. We are looking for Himes but it’s taking a while. Any advice on reassuring my kid who has anxiety?

[Anonymous]

I don't, beyond the obvious of explaining what dementia is and how it makes people say things they don't mean. I'm sorry, OP -- I hope you're able to get her the care she needs.

[Anonymous]

Past couple of years were like this for us. When dc asked if Grandpa was "bad," I explained his illness. Keep it simple and honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Past couple of years were like this for us. When dc asked if Grandpa was "bad," I explained his illness. Keep it simple and honest.

This. Talk to them about the dementia.

[Anonymous]

Yes, just be honest about the disease, but also validate how scary that must have been and that he should not have to see her behave this way.

I have a sibling who used gaslighting to try to make her kids get over the behavior. Worst idea ever and so damaging.

Glad you are looking at homes. Can you get her medicated ASAP? This is not safe behavior. My mother needed to be on both anti-anxiety meds and an anti-psychotic not to be emotionally ans verbally abusive to me. She was not living in reality at all during a mood swing and there was talk of murdering me. She didn't even live with us and it scared the cr@p out of me.

[Anonymous]

If you have old video of her during normal years, show your DC that while you're explaining dementia. My DC 11 was starting to get "Ugh, why is grandpa so <insert weird or annoying behavior>" attitude. But it's because he doesn't remember the good years together when he was a toddler. I showed him the videos of them dancing and laughing and playing games, and DC got a little sad and upset. I felt bad because now he sees how tragic dementia is, but I didn't want him looking down on my father because the past couple years are all he remembered.

Good luck finding her a safe facility. Also please get the cat out of there...

[Anonymous]

If you were my friend, I would absolutely let you cat come stay with us until you find a new situation for your mom. Ask some animal loving friends — I bet someone will say yes.

My daughter also has anxiety and this would have been very hard on her at that age…the after effects would have lasted years (I know because she witnessed other scary situations). I am so sorry you are balancing all of this right now. Definitely ask your daughter’s therapist for advice.

[Anonymous]

You need to put your child first. Hopefully you can find care for your mom out of your home

[Anonymous]

You explain dementia is a disease and a mental illness and it's not truly grandma saying these things.

Is she medicated? My mom has dementia. My brother is a pscyh and her mom put on aricept and Seroquel. I think the Seroquel can make you tired tho.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would look into medication in the time being. My dad was also on Seroquel.

This is scary behavior for everyone. I would be tempted to call 911 if her behavior is so out of line. They can at least assess her and look at medication. And possibly buy you time to find a memory care facility for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would look into medication in the time being. My dad was also on Seroquel.

This is scary behavior for everyone. I would be tempted to call 911 if her behavior is so out of line. They can at least assess her and look at medication. And possibly buy you time to find a memory care facility for her.

Can the emergency room start prescribing meds to tide you over until she sees her own doctor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have old video of her during normal years, show your DC that while you're explaining dementia. My DC 11 was starting to get "Ugh, why is grandpa so <insert weird or annoying behavior>" attitude. But it's because he doesn't remember the good years together when he was a toddler. I showed him the videos of them dancing and laughing and playing games, and DC got a little sad and upset. I felt bad because now he sees how tragic dementia is, but I didn't want him looking down on my father because the past couple years are all he remembered.

Good luck finding her a safe facility. Also please get the cat out of there...

I think that is a lovely idea.

I just need a place to vent as my situation is not the above. A few months ago, our family watched an old home movie from 1995 that showed my mother interacting with people at a large family gathering. I was so hopeful our kids would be able to see their grandmother behaving kindly and respectfully back when she was well. I was shocked. Even on camera, she was verbally abusive to my father, humiliating him in front of everyone. I thought..."wow, maybe my mother doesn't have dementia after all. Apparently, she's just always been an @$$^0!3 and I'm just more aware of it now that I'm older."

[Anonymous]

I would medicate her into a catatonic state until you find other living arrangements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Past couple of years were like this for us. When dc asked if Grandpa was "bad," I explained his illness. Keep it simple and honest.

This. This happened with my father a few years ago. Very similar outburst.

We keep it simple and honest and try to keep our visits short.

It’s been odd. I see increasingly worse issues when we visit. The house needs work (I’ve posted about this before. Think vermin.) and my mother is clearly struggling with caring for my father but she is still focused on that. It’s sad.

[Anonymous]

I see this was brought back. OP, any updates? I hope all is well and mom is settled in a good Memory care and on meds that help her.