Overcoming flight anxiety
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Anonymous
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I am visiting my boyfriend's hometown next month. We are driving there together and I am going to have to fly back alone that Monday, unfortunately, because he is staying behind for a week to look after his father while his mother travels. (He made it clear I was welcome to stay but seeing as this will only be the first time I've met his parents I think it could be awkward to stay with just the two of them for a week.)
To say I am not thrilled is an understatement. I barely tolerate flying when I have a flight "buddy," like a boyfriend or friend, but at least that is kind of like a security blanket. The last time I attempted to fly alone I chickened out 12 hours before and took a NINE HOUR TRAIN RIDE to avoid it. I literally quit a job to avoid flying alone. (I was going to quit anyway but I quit sooner so they wouldn't make me go on a work trip alone.) Most times when I fly I take a klonopin or Xanax (whatever I have on hand - worth noting I do not need panic drugs when I am on land) and chug two glasses of wine as soon as drink service starts. You would think this would cause me to black out but I am literally so terrified of flying that my nervous system is haywire and klonopin + wine just makes me only mildly anxious as opposed to terrified. I know I need to beat this fear but it's legit the most terrifying thing to me. Even typing this, my stomach is in knots and feels like I need a drink. Any advice? And don't say therapy, because I do go to therapy and have brought this up and my therapist just says "Hmm, do you think this relates to XYZ feelings from your childhood?" Maybe so, but I want to get over it! |
Anonymous
| What exactly about flying causes you anxiety? |
Anonymous
Uncertainty. The plane could crash. |
Anonymous
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Few tips.
Get some Xanax Get an iPad or something comparable and good headphones over the ear kind. Download shows you know you will love to watch. As soon as you sit down seatbelt and headphones and turn on that machine to focus on that. Bring snacks and a bottle of water (water you will have to buy in airport can not go through security). Start eating when you start watching your shows. |
Anonymous
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Regarding therapy - ask your therapist to refer you to a provider who does EMDR. It's generally used for trauma, but can also be used for other things that cause a strong emotional response like what you experience with flying.
Find a skilled practitioner and handle it. I know someone who had great success curing her terror of snakes with it. |
Anonymous
| Stay home and forget the weekend trip. |
Anonymous
So true queen. Never overcome your fear, Op, just sit at home in the dark with 27 cats eating saltines and tuna. |
Anonymous
Trains and cars crash too; do you have problem with those? |
Anonymous
Lol |
Anonymous
Obviously I do not! I understand this is completely illogical/irrational...isn't that the point of anxiety? It's not really rooted in logic? |
Anonymous
This is very helpful, thank you. I do garden variety talk therapy just for some issues with my mom and she always wants to make every adult fear/anxiety I have about my mother and it's like, sure, a lot of things tie back to our childhood but really I just need to get over this fear. |
Anonymous
It would be easy to do that but I don't want to. I'm sick of letting the fear control me. I suspect if I fly alone for once I will get over the crippling fear and it'll be like flying with a buddy...I don't love it, but if I have a friend or my sister or a boyfriend next to me, I can do it. But when I'm flying alone, even getting on the plane is the struggle. |
Anonymous
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YMMV, but for me doing A LOT of research helped. Reading all the information out there on flight safety, different model airplanes, what various types of turbulence means, etc. Even reading about the more recent crashes helped. Basically, once I am armed with information I feel like I can talk myself off the ledge, if I get there.
While that was the most helpful, some other things help. For me, the lack of control contributes to my anxiety. So I started taking more control over the things I could. I make sure to pay for the seat that is most comfortable for me. I dress comfortable. I always bring a water bottle, some snacks, my favorite music, etc. Basically, everything that will make me the most comfortable. I found that lifting my feet off the ground and closing my eyes during takeoff helps. When the bell chimes that we have reached cruising altitude, I am good to open/put down my feet. I like to keep an eye on the flight attendants to monitor their reactions, figuring they will better understand whether turbulence is mild or not. I also prefer flying with a friend- but when not, I prefer the middle seat- I find having humans on either side of me comforting, even when they are strangers. I also need a variety of distractions. I cannot watch a whole movie start to finish on the plane. So I download a few movies, tv shows, albums, games, books, magazines, etc. And I entertain myself in pockets. Watch the first 10 minutes, listen to the first three songs, read the first chapter, go back to the next 10 minutes of the movie, etc. This is chaotic, but it helps me. Finally, I also make sure to leave notes at home for my kids before every flight- just quick "I Love Yous" and I make sure my file with passwords/financial info/etc., is up to date. Now that I have tools to manage my anxiety, I am much calmer on the plane. I recently read my book for 2 hours straight on a plane and surprised myself. Read altogether, this sounds insane. But these were mostly behavioral tweaks that I figured out over time. Flight anxiety is normal. Lots of people have it. You have to determine (1) is flying important enough to you to learn to manage the anxiety and (2) what works best for you in managing the anxiety. BUT, the anxiety doesn't go away. It is always there. |
Anonymous
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People have recommended this book:
https://www.amazon.com/Soar-Breakthrough-Treatment-Fear-Flying/dp/0762788003 But I also like this that speaks to my very practical brain. If I feel like I know whats going on on the plane, it really helps. https://www.amazon.com/Cockpit-Confidential-Everything-Questions-Reflections/dp/1492663964/ |
Anonymous
| The only thing that cured my plane anxiety/panic is lexapro. |