Entitled, jaded ds

[Anonymous]

My ds is entitled and always sort of mean, without truly being rude in ways I can pinpoint. He looks down on us, thinks we are clueless about money and expenses because we won't just buy certain things he thinks are "worth it", thinks he knows better always. I don't even want to be around him. I am thinking of not going away as a family this summer because of it. I am not sure what to do about it. He does do chores and he also works and does well in school. He's just rotten to be around.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a teenager to me. They know everything! How old is he? Nothing knocked my know-it-all son down to reality like an old-fashioned minimum wage job. He started singing a different tune after he got his first one.

[Anonymous]

He is a typical teen! Just wait it out.
Also read “Get out of my life, but first can you drive me and Cheryl to the mall?”

[Anonymous]

Let it be.

[Anonymous]

I don't put this down to, "He's just being a teen".

I have teens - 15 and 18 yr olds. Sure, they think they know more than us when it comes to social and cultural things of today, but not about general living, certainly not about money.

We talk to them about finances, taxes, investments, opportunity costs, etc... They know they don't know it all.

Op's kid is ignorantly arrogant, and IMO, that is the worst kind.

I think OP needs to have a talk with their DS about respect and what they don't know. How much it costs to live: taxes, rent, utilities, food, every time you go out how much you spend, how buying an expensive car comes with expensive repair costs, and how that car depreciates x% the minute you drive off the lot.

These are not things that kids inherently understand without it being explained to them. A long time ago when we were on summer vacation in England, we would have ice cream almost everyday. DS asked us how much they cost, so we told them. Then he calculated how much we had spent on ice cream alone while in England. He was floored. And he was like 10 at the time. He's become quite frugal now at 18; he's been working since 16.

And yes, make them work a minimum wage job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't put this down to, "He's just being a teen".

I have teens - 15 and 18 yr olds. Sure, they think they know more than us when it comes to social and cultural things of today, but not about general living, certainly not about money.

We talk to them about finances, taxes, investments, opportunity costs, etc... They know they don't know it all.

Op's kid is ignorantly arrogant, and IMO, that is the worst kind.

I think OP needs to have a talk with their DS about respect and what they don't know. How much it costs to live: taxes, rent, utilities, food, every time you go out how much you spend, how buying an expensive car comes with expensive repair costs, and how that car depreciates x% the minute you drive off the lot.

These are not things that kids inherently understand without it being explained to them. A long time ago when we were on summer vacation in England, we would have ice cream almost everyday. DS asked us how much they cost, so we told them. Then he calculated how much we had spent on ice cream alone while in England. He was floored. And he was like 10 at the time. He's become quite frugal now at 18; he's been working since 16.

And yes, make them work a minimum wage job.

The thing is: we DO have those conversations a lot! And he takes financial literacy at school which is all about living expenses, taxes...But it is not sinking in at all. He is frugal with his own money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't put this down to, "He's just being a teen".

I have teens - 15 and 18 yr olds. Sure, they think they know more than us when it comes to social and cultural things of today, but not about general living, certainly not about money.

We talk to them about finances, taxes, investments, opportunity costs, etc... They know they don't know it all.

Op's kid is ignorantly arrogant, and IMO, that is the worst kind.

I think OP needs to have a talk with their DS about respect and what they don't know. How much it costs to live: taxes, rent, utilities, food, every time you go out how much you spend, how buying an expensive car comes with expensive repair costs, and how that car depreciates x% the minute you drive off the lot.

These are not things that kids inherently understand without it being explained to them. A long time ago when we were on summer vacation in England, we would have ice cream almost everyday. DS asked us how much they cost, so we told them. Then he calculated how much we had spent on ice cream alone while in England. He was floored. And he was like 10 at the time. He's become quite frugal now at 18; he's been working since 16.

And yes, make them work a minimum wage job.

The thing is: we DO have those conversations a lot! And he takes financial literacy at school which is all about living expenses, taxes...But it is not sinking in at all. He is frugal with his own money.

And I should add that he does work, a really hard minimum wage job! It is maddening to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a teenager to me. They know everything! How old is he? Nothing knocked my know-it-all son down to reality like an old-fashioned minimum wage job. He started singing a different tune after he got his first one.

He is nearly 17 and does have that type of job, and he does manual labor on top of it on the side (pressure washing, mowing lawns...)

[Anonymous]

So don't offer him any of your own hard earned money and see how it goes. He can choose how to spend his own money to see how far it goes.

[Anonymous]

I don't see why you are not following his lead. Don't you know that teenagers know everything? Lol.

I'm sorry. It does sound frustrating that he's giving you attitude like this. The fact that he does manual labor and has another job in addition to that as a teenager is great; given all of that, he's entitled to start having his own opinions about money. That's a good thing -- even if his opinions don't match yours. But he's not entitled to act like a brat and be nasty to you. Sounds the attitude he is giving you is what you need to deal with, not a money issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see why you are not following his lead. Don't you know that teenagers know everything? Lol.

I'm sorry. It does sound frustrating that he's giving you attitude like this. The fact that he does manual labor and has another job in addition to that as a teenager is great; given all of that, he's entitled to start having his own opinions about money. That's a good thing -- even if his opinions don't match yours. But he's not entitled to act like a brat and be nasty to you. Sounds the attitude he is giving you is what you need to deal with, not a money issue.

How to deal with it though? We were supposed to take a small trip this spring break, something he mostly wants to do and not so much us. Do we cancel that to teach him a lesson? We I am at a loss as to how to handle. The attitude makes it hard to want to do anything nice for him. Dd is much much easier, she has her moods but is respectful and kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't put this down to, "He's just being a teen".

I have teens - 15 and 18 yr olds. Sure, they think they know more than us when it comes to social and cultural things of today, but not about general living, certainly not about money.

We talk to them about finances, taxes, investments, opportunity costs, etc... They know they don't know it all.

Op's kid is ignorantly arrogant, and IMO, that is the worst kind.

I think OP needs to have a talk with their DS about respect and what they don't know. How much it costs to live: taxes, rent, utilities, food, every time you go out how much you spend, how buying an expensive car comes with expensive repair costs, and how that car depreciates x% the minute you drive off the lot.

These are not things that kids inherently understand without it being explained to them. A long time ago when we were on summer vacation in England, we would have ice cream almost everyday. DS asked us how much they cost, so we told them. Then he calculated how much we had spent on ice cream alone while in England. He was floored. And he was like 10 at the time. He's become quite frugal now at 18; he's been working since 16.

And yes, make them work a minimum wage job.

The thing is: we DO have those conversations a lot! And he takes financial literacy at school which is all about living expenses, taxes...But it is not sinking in at all. He is frugal with his own money.

Maybe then give him a clothing and entertainment budget for 6 months and let him
Spend as he wants, but make it very clear you aren’t spending on his clothes and entertainment during that 6 months

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see why you are not following his lead. Don't you know that teenagers know everything? Lol.

I'm sorry. It does sound frustrating that he's giving you attitude like this. The fact that he does manual labor and has another job in addition to that as a teenager is great; given all of that, he's entitled to start having his own opinions about money. That's a good thing -- even if his opinions don't match yours. But he's not entitled to act like a brat and be nasty to you. Sounds the attitude he is giving you is what you need to deal with, not a money issue.

How to deal with it though? We were supposed to take a small trip this spring break, something he mostly wants to do and not so much us. Do we cancel that to teach him a lesson? We I am at a loss as to how to handle. The attitude makes it hard to want to do anything nice for him. Dd is much much easier, she has her moods but is respectful and kind.

I think you can tell him, that if he can’t be pleasant there will be no more family vacations until further notice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see why you are not following his lead. Don't you know that teenagers know everything? Lol.

I'm sorry. It does sound frustrating that he's giving you attitude like this. The fact that he does manual labor and has another job in addition to that as a teenager is great; given all of that, he's entitled to start having his own opinions about money. That's a good thing -- even if his opinions don't match yours. But he's not entitled to act like a brat and be nasty to you. Sounds the attitude he is giving you is what you need to deal with, not a money issue.

How to deal with it though? We were supposed to take a small trip this spring break, something he mostly wants to do and not so much us. Do we cancel that to teach him a lesson? We I am at a loss as to how to handle. The attitude makes it hard to want to do anything nice for him. Dd is much much easier, she has her moods but is respectful and kind.

I think you can tell him, that if he can’t be pleasant there will be no more family vacations until further notice.

That seems worse for OP than kid…I bet the teen is kind of meh if you say no vacations, but the adults want one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't put this down to, "He's just being a teen".

I have teens - 15 and 18 yr olds. Sure, they think they know more than us when it comes to social and cultural things of today, but not about general living, certainly not about money.

We talk to them about finances, taxes, investments, opportunity costs, etc... They know they don't know it all.

Op's kid is ignorantly arrogant, and IMO, that is the worst kind.

I think OP needs to have a talk with their DS about respect and what they don't know. How much it costs to live: taxes, rent, utilities, food, every time you go out how much you spend, how buying an expensive car comes with expensive repair costs, and how that car depreciates x% the minute you drive off the lot.

These are not things that kids inherently understand without it being explained to them. A long time ago when we were on summer vacation in England, we would have ice cream almost everyday. DS asked us how much they cost, so we told them. Then he calculated how much we had spent on ice cream alone while in England. He was floored. And he was like 10 at the time. He's become quite frugal now at 18; he's been working since 16.

And yes, make them work a minimum wage job.

The thing is: we DO have those conversations a lot! And he takes financial literacy at school which is all about living expenses, taxes...But it is not sinking in at all. He is frugal with his own money.

He's arrogant and thinks he knows better than you do after taking a few classes, as if that's all that's required to be financially savvy and knowledgeable. It's leading to him being disrespectful to you.

I would have a chat with him about being respectful to his parents. He can have his own opinions, my DS does, too, and thinks I'm wrong half the time. I still don't tolerate disrespect from him. We have conversations. I try to listen to him (not always easy), and we have "discussions" about it. He was also on the debate team, so he knows how to argue.

If he argues about what he thinks you should buy, just tell him that he is free to buy whatever he wants when he's working and has his own money. But for now, you are the parent, and you will be making the decisions.

If things get worse, and he thinks so little of you, he's free to try to make it on his own, including paying for college. You can let him know that your "dumb" financial mind was able to save for his college (assuming you have).

I would be serious about that because of how little respect he's showing you.

I once worked with a woman who had a seriously acrimonious relationship with her son. When he turned 18, she decided to let him figure it out by himself. He went into the military, and came out disciplined and respectful. They ended up having a great relationship.

Sometimes, it just takes a little dose of reality and being put in your place for the "young adult" to respect you.