Having an oops baby late

[Anonymous]

Anyone get pregnant accidentally past 40? How did it impact your marriage? Any regrets?

[Anonymous]

We know quite a few families that have a ‘late’ baby- at least 6 years after last child and mother ~38-43.
Our DC are HS now so these are individuals how have college age DC with youngest in ES.
You never know how things really are, but they all seem to be very happy and enjoying life.

[Anonymous]

My mother did at 40. Happily married until she passed away at 83. They became empty nesters 15 years later when my brother went off to boarding school.

[Anonymous]

Yes I did - at 44. And it was an "accident" as in did not use a condom one time. Kid is awesome. No regrets, but lots of worry while pregnant. Totally healthy baby. My peers are in Florida and I go to middle school sports. Couldn't imagine our family any other way.

[Anonymous]

I did just shy of 40 and it was an accident as BC isn’t 100% effective. We were shocked but we quickly got over it and just started dealing with it. Our youngest was 7 at the time so it was a big gap but that was never a problem. Being an older parent at pre school was a bit different but over time we’ve made a lot of good friends who are 8-10 years younger than us. He’s ten now and he keeps me young which is a good thing. I think my older kids learned a lot having a much younger sibling and they had fun.

[Anonymous]

I got pregnant at 38 unexpectedly. We went through years of infertility and then had 3 using assistance and then the last one was a pleasant surprise. We had sex like 5-6 days before I would have ovulated and the baby kept growing to term unassisted which for us seemed like an impossibility.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I had one at 41. Was on the pill and took CBD, which I think reduces effectiveness. Baby was born early in the pandemic. We had an only child before and I didn't want more kids because she was so difficult. She got more difficult when her sibling arrived (the timing of arriving early in the pandemic meant two huge changes at once). I didn't want more kids because the first one was so hard and I never thought our marriage would survive a second child either. Almost four years later, we're in couples therapy and there are many days that I feel like we won't make it. Also, I'm constantly exhausted and overwhelmed. We had some freedom with one, we have none now. We never felt financial stresses before, but now we do. I'm 45 and am chasing around a wild preschooler while also dealing with a PITA tween. I love the second child but life was definitely more enjoyable and manageable with just one.

[Anonymous]

Yes, my husband wanted to have sex, so we did. I wanted to have sex, so we did.

He was supposed to get a vasectomy or was responsible for using a condom. He didn’t.

We got pregnant and I miscarried.

You should definitely yell at him for not taking care of himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I had one at 41. Was on the pill and took CBD, which I think reduces effectiveness. Baby was born early in the pandemic. We had an only child before and I didn't want more kids because she was so difficult. She got more difficult when her sibling arrived (the timing of arriving early in the pandemic meant two huge changes at once). I didn't want more kids because the first one was so hard and I never thought our marriage would survive a second child either. Almost four years later, we're in couples therapy and there are many days that I feel like we won't make it. Also, I'm constantly exhausted and overwhelmed. We had some freedom with one, we have none now. We never felt financial stresses before, but now we do. I'm 45 and am chasing around a wild preschooler while also dealing with a PITA tween. I love the second child but life was definitely more enjoyable and manageable with just one.

Thank you for this honesty.

[Anonymous]

I did at 39, many years after DC1. We had multiple years of infertility before and after DC1 so we had given up long ago when DC2 came into our life. It changed a few things for us career wise but we are happy. (And tired)

[Anonymous]

Unwanted pregnancy here at 44 about to turn 45. I couldn't believe it. We opted to terminate immediately. Already have 3 children in HS/MS. Could not imagine having a child at 45 plus have some medical concerns that would've made it very high risk.

I have zero regrets about the decision and was so relieved.

[Anonymous]

I had a baby at 45. It was a surprise because of my age, yet was desperately wanted and completely loved. I was afraid throughout the pregnancy due to previous miscarriages, but the baby was healthy, and is now a teenager. I'm an old mom, but so utterly thrilled I was lucky enough to have my youngest child at my advanced age. I have older children, and they were also thrilled to welcome a baby into the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a baby at 45. It was a surprise because of my age, yet was desperately wanted and completely loved. I was afraid throughout the pregnancy due to previous miscarriages, but the baby was healthy, and is now a teenager. I'm an old mom, but so utterly thrilled I was lucky enough to have my youngest child at my advanced age. I have older children, and they were also thrilled to welcome a baby into the family.

Same here, 45, thought I was no longer ovulating. Also unexpected as we did ivf for the first two. Still a little nervous about an extra college fund, but turns out he is the joy of everyone in the family.

[Anonymous]

Most of my friends had first kids 40-43.

My great grandma had my grandma at 42 in the 1930s


Friend had accident twins at 45

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We know quite a few families that have a ‘late’ baby- at least 6 years after last child and mother ~38-43.
Our DC are HS now so these are individuals how have college age DC with youngest in ES.
You never know how things really are, but they all seem to be very happy and enjoying life.

This is us. 3rd kid at forty, 11 years younger than oldest child and 6.5 years younger than middle child. We had a miscarriage at 38 (at 13 weeks).

While there are certainly some negatives, we love it. Older children can help out, oldest (high schooler) can babysit. We have more money and can afford a nanny.

We need 2 hotel rooms on vacations, but that happens eventually even with 2. Rental cars are a bit of a PITA, and we need Uber XLs. Plane tickets for 5 are expensive, but so are plane tickets for 4…

But we get to relive it all over again, and honestly kind of savor it. Feels a little like a victory lap. And I do believe kids keep you young. We work out a lot, and are in good shape. We live in the burbs in a 5 BR with good schools, so no worries there.

We’re also the oldest in our families with significantly younger siblings, so DC3 serves as a link to some of their families.

Some of DC3’s friends’ parents are 10 years younger than us, but funny enough, some are older.

We’ll see how I feel at 57 with a high schooler, but we hope to be retired by then.