Teen daughter unbelievably mean

[Anonymous]

My 16 year old DD has become increasingly moody, angry and hostile towards me. She goes into raging tantrums over anything, everything and nothing. It is exhausting and I do occasionally react with too much emotion - however most of the time I don’t engage. Regardless of how I react, she goes at me relentlessly and aggressively. she isnt satisfied until she gets a reaction. It’s awful.
The latest thing is that she videos me to “prove” that I am crazy. Like she will provoke me until I lose my temper and try to get me to do or say embarrassing things and then she videos me on her phone! I am so upset and feel humiliated that she would do this. Any suggestions on how to handle? I’m about at the end of my rope.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you live with her father? If yes, how does he react to this?

I would take the phone away for a week then give it back on a trial basis. That behavior is unacceptable. What consequences do you currently give?

I would also walk away and not engage at all.

Besides school what activities does she have? Does she have a PT job?

How are her relationships with peers?

Are there other kids in the home?

[Anonymous]

Besides impounding the phone, I would have an escalating list of consequences of "extras" I would no longer provide for a week or more

driving privileges

rides to anything but school or work

no screens besides schoolwork, turn off wifi and phone already impounded

[Anonymous]

You are the parent. Take.away.the.phone. If my kid ever did that I would have taken her phone and it would be gone for a month. Start enforcing boundaries. Do not respond to her until she can speak civilly. Say “go to your room to calm down” if she refuses tell her there are consequences for her actions. Have a meeting when you are both calm. Tell her things are going to change. They lay out consequences. Follow.through. How did it get to this point? It is 100% unacceptable behavior.

[Anonymous]

What does her Sunday School teacher counsel her to do? Has she been attending church the last 10 years?

[Anonymous]

Cancel the smart phone and get her a Cricket or similar for younger kids that can only call and text. She has misused the phone now must earn those privileges back with courteous and respectful behavior for several months.

[Anonymous]

Agree time to take was privileges.

Is she adhd or on the spectrum?

[Anonymous]

Op here. I do not live with her father and she does not have a relationship with him. Her older siblings are no longer at home but she sees them often.
She is not in any activities currently. She plays a fall sport. Friend situation is not good right now - I know she is lonely at school and my heart hurts because of this. However I don’t know why she turns on me- I am the one constant in her life! She sees a therapist once a week but this is recent.
I haven’t thought about consequences because I am shocked and hurt and all I can think about is how this is such a major violation of trust. I told her that if she videos me or attempts to video me again I will take her off of my phone plan. I think I might go ahead and do that. The phone is hers, she paid for half of it. she can figure out how to pay for her own plan. This does not address the trust issues though. I can’t think straight I am so upset .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does her Sunday School teacher counsel her to do? Has she been attending church the last 10 years?

Huh?

[Anonymous]

Honestly teenagers have some pretty twisted lines of logic. They go down these tik tok rabbit holes and watch horrible content about how parents/adults are manipulative. The influencers who make these videos are pretty convincing. She probably needs centering. I would turn off all social media. I wish I had good advice, but I’m wishing you both well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I do not live with her father and she does not have a relationship with him. Her older siblings are no longer at home but she sees them often.
She is not in any activities currently. She plays a fall sport. Friend situation is not good right now - I know she is lonely at school and my heart hurts because of this. However I don’t know why she turns on me- I am the one constant in her life! She sees a therapist once a week but this is recent.
I haven’t thought about consequences because I am shocked and hurt and all I can think about is how this is such a major violation of trust. I told her that if she videos me or attempts to video me again I will take her off of my phone plan. I think I might go ahead and do that. The phone is hers, she paid for half of it. she can figure out how to pay for her own plan. This does not address the trust issues though. I can’t think straight I am so upset .

Yikes. This whole situation sounds like a chaotic mess.

Increase her therapy sessions and consider going to therapy yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I do not live with her father and she does not have a relationship with him. Her older siblings are no longer at home but she sees them often.
She is not in any activities currently. She plays a fall sport. Friend situation is not good right now - I know she is lonely at school and my heart hurts because of this. However I don’t know why she turns on me- I am the one constant in her life! She sees a therapist once a week but this is recent.
I haven’t thought about consequences because I am shocked and hurt and all I can think about is how this is such a major violation of trust. I told her that if she videos me or attempts to video me again I will take her off of my phone plan. I think I might go ahead and do that. The phone is hers, she paid for half of it. she can figure out how to pay for her own plan. This does not address the trust issues though. I can’t think straight I am so upset .

You're the parent. You can take her phone, even if she paid for half. You (presumably) paid for the other half.

[Anonymous]

You are her safe space. You need to learn to ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does her Sunday School teacher counsel her to do? Has she been attending church the last 10 years?

Go away, troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does her Sunday School teacher counsel her to do? Has she been attending church the last 10 years?

She wouldn’t be like this if she had.