Supervisor just embarrassed me. How to handle?

[Anonymous]

My supervisor laughed at me after I expressed a legitimate concern about repeat performance issues with our contractor, and then told me I handled it wrong (I did not), and publicly counseled me. This was in front of the entire team.

I am livid. My supervisor is new to this team but has been with the org for years. How do I address this? Document it in email? We’re feds if that matters.

[Anonymous]

Ask for a one on one with your supervisor, express that you were embarrassed and that in the future you will not tolerate being publicly counseled/ humiliated. It is possible that they did not have realize what they were doing was wrong and will adjust their style.

Document this incident and subsequent conversation either with a memo to the file or an email to yourself to capture date/ time etc. If it happens a second time you formally complain to HR and your supervisor's supervisor.

[Anonymous]

I agree that you need a one on one with them.

You need to be very calm and stoic during this meeting. The issues to address:
-Why they think you handled the issue wrong before and why you disagree with their assessment.
-You'd appreciate negative feedback in private. Laughing and public humiliation will not be tolerated.

And document everything.

FWIW, I once had such a meeting with a supervisor who made fun of my work with another manager. I was shaking like a leaf afterwards, but absolutely conducted myself with perfect professionalism during. He respected me better after that meeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask for a one on one with your supervisor, express that you were embarrassed and that in the future you will not tolerate being publicly counseled/ humiliated. It is possible that they did not have realize what they were doing was wrong and will adjust their style.

Document this incident and subsequent conversation either with a memo to the file or an email to yourself to capture date/ time etc. If it happens a second time you formally complain to HR and your supervisor's supervisor.

HR is there to protect the company, not to settle interpersonal disputes. Unless OP is going to alleged discrimination based on a protected class, this would not be an advisable approach.

[Anonymous]

From a worker perspective, if I saw my supervisor do this to someone, it would change my impression of them for the worse, and not make any difference in how I perceive you. Ultimately this is not proper supervisor conduct and everyone saw it.

[Anonymous]

How old are you? Move on. If it's a pattern, then maybe you decide what to do. You don't know each other. Maybe as you get to know each other, you'll learn your supervisor is casual or crass or direct or wrong a lot. For now, just move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From a worker perspective, if I saw my supervisor do this to someone, it would change my impression of them for the worse, and not make any difference in how I perceive you. Ultimately this is not proper supervisor conduct and everyone saw it.

Agree, it reflects poorly on the supervisor, not you.

[Anonymous]

This is an instance where an immediate reaction is justified.

“If you would like to have a discussion about why you feel I am a wrong, that is fine. But laughing off my concerns and counseling me in front of others is highly inappropriate. That doesn’t benefit anyone.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask for a one on one with your supervisor, express that you were embarrassed and that in the future you will not tolerate being publicly counseled/ humiliated. It is possible that they did not have realize what they were doing was wrong and will adjust their style.

Document this incident and subsequent conversation either with a memo to the file or an email to yourself to capture date/ time etc. If it happens a second time you formally complain to HR and your supervisor's supervisor.

I'm confused. What did the supervisor do wrong?

[Anonymous]

Talk to HR.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask for a one on one with your supervisor, express that you were embarrassed and that in the future you will not tolerate being publicly counseled/ humiliated. It is possible that they did not have realize what they were doing was wrong and will adjust their style.

Document this incident and subsequent conversation either with a memo to the file or an email to yourself to capture date/ time etc. If it happens a second time you formally complain to HR and your supervisor's supervisor.

I'm confused. What did the supervisor do wrong?

+1. While it shows poor judgement on the part of the supervisor, this sort of thing happens all the time - and doesn't violate any laws. It doesn't qualify as harassment or a hostile work environment. There is no law that says you can't be told you are wrong in front of your peers. If it were me I'd simply tell my boss in private that I didn't appreciate being called out like that in front of my peers, and would appreciate him not doing that in the future. It may not stop him, but upon reflection he/she might think twice next time.

[Anonymous]

Humiliate is a strong word. I’m not saying the boss is a great manager - they sound at best awkward and at worst petty and dismissive. However - how sure are you about your assessment of the contractor and your handling of the issue? Can you check with a peer or two that you are actually right and have the whole story?
I would raise this privately to the boss, but I would not come in guns blazing. I would approach it with some curiosity.
“When you dismissed my concerns by laughing it made me feel like my opinion didn’t matter. Can you help me understand why you don’t agree with my concerns?”