Which strategy pays off better?

[Anonymous]

In hindsight whose kids are better off, strict parents deciding tutoring, courses, extracurriculars, majors and colleges OR easygoing parents letting kids making their own choices?

From what I see around me, first type's kids are into solid careers and making higher incomes. Yes, they were unhappy for some years but now benefiting from perks. Their parents also seem better off not paying for expensive colleges and not having to subsidize lifestyle of liberal arts/humanities kids and their purposeful but low paying pursuits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In hindsight whose kids are better off, strict parents deciding tutoring, courses, extracurriculars, majors and colleges OR easygoing parents letting kids making their own choices?

From what I see around me, first type's kids are into solid careers and making higher incomes. Yes, they were unhappy for some years but now benefiting from perks. Their parents also seem better off not paying for expensive colleges and not having to subsidize lifestyle of liberal arts/humanities kids and their purposeful but low paying pursuits.

False dichotomy. STEM =/= huge salary always and A&S =/= minimum wage subsidized by parents, always

I mean, it’s clear from the way you wrote this which one you favor.

[Anonymous]

High salaried jobs =/= happiness, necessarily.

What is your goal for your adult child?

[Anonymous]

On average STEM degrees attract secured jobs and higher incomes. Also paying less at community colleges and state schools means parents have more for retirement or to leave in inheritance.

[Anonymous]

Happiness is obviously a priority but being able to afford cost of living is also a major factor for happiness.

[Anonymous]

As with almost any question like this, the correct answer is a balanced approach where parents provide structure and guidance but kids have some say and are not simply having all their activities and interests imposed upon them.

Ideally parents get to know kids, expose them to many things, help identify strengths and interests, and then support those areas as much as they are able. This helps kids develop existing strengths and areas in which they are intrinsically motivated to work hard. And then parents help buttress by making sure weak areas are not neglected and kids are well-rounded.

[Anonymous]

One of the highest paid people I know studied history at a small private university in the mid west. She was a little aimless in school. She does not have a graduate degree. She has built herself her own consulting firm and makes $400k.

The degree doesn't always make the worker.

[Anonymous]

Encourage and reward effort. Support passions. This inspires them to do exciting and innovative things. Never demand grades. The expectation is: do your best, have all work in on time. The grades take care of themselves, as do the college admissions. My olders are all IV.

I have an AC who is going to make a lot of money with an English Lit degree. My message was always I 100% support whatever you pursue, and I expect you to be realistic about finances. If your path doesn’t automatically onboard you for the kind of $ you want to earn, then you find a way to make your passion pay you. Let them find their groove and encourage them to seek and sustain mentor relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the highest paid people I know studied history at a small private university in the mid west. She was a little aimless in school. She does not have a graduate degree. She has built herself her own consulting firm and makes $400k.

The degree doesn't always make the worker.

Everyone will have one example. This person could just as easily been a barrister or met their future DH in college and gone the route of a SAH parent, high energy volunteer at the private school, local gardening club, or public library.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the highest paid people I know studied history at a small private university in the mid west. She was a little aimless in school. She does not have a graduate degree. She has built herself her own consulting firm and makes $400k.

The degree doesn't always make the worker.

Obviously but we are talking about average people not anecdotes of outliers.

[Anonymous]

Would they resent well intentioned parents if they were forced but outcomes are financially favorable?

[Anonymous]

OP, you are all-over-the-place with your flawed premise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would they resent well intentioned parents if they were forced but outcomes are financially favorable?

I can tell you from experience that they will Resent and possibly flee parents who don’t understand where the parent ends and the adult child begins. People who choose their kids major often want to do insane things like name the grandchild, choose adult children’s houses and location, choose schools for grandchildren, choose spouses etc. My brother is still letting my parents pull all the strings while we moved several thousand miles away. That is no way to live.

[Anonymous]

There is science on this topic (to support authoritative--not authoritarian) parenting style.

https://www.cnbc.com/2021/10/05/child-psychologist-explains-why-authoritative-parenting-is-the-best-style-for-raising-smart-confident-kids.html

[Anonymous]

I think it's a bit sad. The kindest, happiest people I know aren't necessarily high earners. What do we want for our kids, just financial success? I know I don't. Stability, a good healthy life, a partner, kids...Sure.