Anyone else with a bf or DH who can’t accept a compliment.

[Anonymous]

Tonight on the phone I was telling my bf specific attributes of him that I love, respect and admire and he couldn’t take it; he said he couldn’t listen to one more minute of this. He says he loves me but can’t stand to hear why I love him. Why? If you’re in a relationship like this has it affected the relationship?

[Anonymous]

Bump

[Anonymous]

I’m a woman and find it hard to accept compliments. There are loads of reasons and I’ve gotten a bit better but it would be a turn off to me if a partner wasn’t sensitive to it and insisted.

Whats worked is when my boyfriend will switch it up and uses humor an inside joke.

[Anonymous]

Also a woman that can't stand certain compliments. Some are fake and I think you are trying to make me feel better.

Some are real but I don't really need to hear... wow you are such a good cook... I mean no I'm not, but I did rock this one meal so I'm fine with this is delicious.

Wow you are so beautiful, well not really but good try. I'm actually okay with your ars looks great in those jean because they do.

I guess the reason I hate it is because the person is pointing out something I think is something I don't value or I think they are BSing me.

[Anonymous]

I can take complements when they are justified. I don't like the fakey ones.

Sometimes I just feel like sh!t and even real compliments feel fake because I feel bad about myself.

If I'm doing something actively opposite of what somebody says, I also feel guilty and bad when somebody complements me. For example, if I am having actively evil thoughts about my child, but am outwardly being patient and loving, and somebody notices and says what a good mom I am ... but inside I'm thinking about how if DH and DC had a fatal car accident on the way home from the zoo it wouldn't be devestating .... then I would not want to take that complement.

[Anonymous]

That seems a little extreme. But my husband doesn’t like some complements because he feels like it’s silly to complement someone for the bare minimum or something they didn’t work for.

[Anonymous]

Like insults, compliments say more about the giver than the recipient. It's the giver's impression of the recipient that is expressed (sincerely or not), and less about what the recipient has actually done, said or thought.

People who can't take a compliment have trouble accepting that absence of control over another person's opinion of them. Just like people who are terribly upset or offended if they feel insulted.

If the compliment giver means it sincerely, the only acceptable response is thank you. It doesn't matter that you don't feel worthy, or have negative inner thoughts, or feel the assessment is entirely inaccurate. You can explain this to the other person, but it doesn't take away from their initial feeling of admiration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like insults, compliments say more about the giver than the recipient. It's the giver's impression of the recipient that is expressed (sincerely or not), and less about what the recipient has actually done, said or thought.

People who can't take a compliment have trouble accepting that absence of control over another person's opinion of them. Just like people who are terribly upset or offended if they feel insulted.

If the compliment giver means it sincerely, the only acceptable response is thank you. It doesn't matter that you don't feel worthy, or have negative inner thoughts, or feel the assessment is entirely inaccurate. You can explain this to the other person, but it doesn't take away from their initial feeling of admiration.

That is fascinating. Never thought of it that way but it rings true.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he’s British

[Anonymous]

Try telling him via letter/email instead. It's hard to hear when someone is looking right at you. Maybe on the phone is easier too. He sounds bashful, not controlling like pp mentioned.

[Anonymous]

Because you probably freak him about with all these random compliments. He will probably leave you for a chick a bit less creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tonight on the phone I was telling my bf specific attributes of him that I love, respect and admire and he couldn’t take it; he said he couldn’t listen to one more minute of this. He says he loves me but can’t stand to hear why I love him. Why? If you’re in a relationship like this has it affected the relationship?

That's weird out of context, to just be extolling his virtue in a phone call. It's not like he cooked you dinner and you said he was thoughtful, or you saw him and told him he was handsome, or he did something impressive and you told him so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also a woman that can't stand certain compliments. Some are fake and I think you are trying to make me feel better.

Some are real but I don't really need to hear... wow you are such a good cook... I mean no I'm not, but I did rock this one meal so I'm fine with this is delicious.

Wow you are so beautiful, well not really but good try. I'm actually okay with your ars looks great in those jean because they do.

I guess the reason I hate it is because the person is pointing out something I think is something I don't value or I think they are BSing me.

My wife is like this and honestly it’s driving a huge wedge in our relationship. Me not being able to say something i I genuinely feel is the equivalent of me lying and I and I feel like it makes for a disingenuous relationship.

The ironic part is, she knows I’m very blunt, and in any other circumstance, wouldn’t say something that I don’t truly feel so I don’t know why she doesn’t believe me in these instances.

[Anonymous]

Op, such a silly thing for you to think is a negative. He's humble. That's probably his is most important, best very quality. And he's probably authentic.

The two of you may not be a match.

[Anonymous]

No. This is such weird beef. I wonder what else is actually going on in this relationship...