grieving anticipated loss of my sister due to DV

[Anonymous]

My sister is officially back with her abusive spouse and there is nothing more I can do at this point. Tried to help so many times. He will drain her of the little bit of money that she has and they will end up on the streets. It's happened before. Just grieving because this is the end of the road for me and it hurts but I've done what I can. thanks for listening.

[Anonymous]

I've been there. My close childhood friend is still with her, IMO, abusive spouse. When he left her for another woman I was there 100% to be supportive, help her with the next steps. When she took him back I said and meant I would always be supportive of her even when I disagreed because when she is sick of the sh&t I do mean I will be there for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been there. My close childhood friend is still with her, IMO, abusive spouse. When he left her for another woman I was there 100% to be supportive, help her with the next steps. When she took him back I said and meant I would always be supportive of her even when I disagreed because when she is sick of the sh&t I do mean I will be there for her.

Thanks. That's the tough part for me. I don't have it in me to be supportive anymore. I've spent so much $$ and energy trying to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been there. My close childhood friend is still with her, IMO, abusive spouse. When he left her for another woman I was there 100% to be supportive, help her with the next steps. When she took him back I said and meant I would always be supportive of her even when I disagreed because when she is sick of the sh&t I do mean I will be there for her.

Thanks. That's the tough part for me. I don't have it in me to be supportive anymore. I've spent so much $$ and energy trying to help.

And it's ok to feel that way about how she treated you. Take the time you need to heal and grieve. I totally get it. But I do help that if she does finally leave you'll be a friend because I bet she doesn't have any right now

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. You cannot help people when your own cup is empty. It's okay to take care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. It's almost like an addiction to be trauma bonded.

[Anonymous]

Hugs, OP. It really is okay to establish boundaries to protect your own mental and financial health. There's nothing you can do if your sister is unwilling to make the change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been there. My close childhood friend is still with her, IMO, abusive spouse. When he left her for another woman I was there 100% to be supportive, help her with the next steps. When she took him back I said and meant I would always be supportive of her even when I disagreed because when she is sick of the sh&t I do mean I will be there for her.

Thanks. That's the tough part for me. I don't have it in me to be supportive anymore. I've spent so much $$ and energy trying to help.

I understand you have to protect yourself and your own family, but, should you let her know you won't help her anymore, she may have no one to turn to should she want to get out. I 100% understand your position, having been there myself. I stayed in her life because I knew I would blame myself if she had nowhere to go and was killed. Amazingly, her husband stopped beating her and focuses more on emotional, psychological and financial abuse. It makes me sick, but he allows me to remain in her life because he thinks I "understand hiw relationships work."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been there. My close childhood friend is still with her, IMO, abusive spouse. When he left her for another woman I was there 100% to be supportive, help her with the next steps. When she took him back I said and meant I would always be supportive of her even when I disagreed because when she is sick of the sh&t I do mean I will be there for her.

Thanks. That's the tough part for me. I don't have it in me to be supportive anymore. I've spent so much $$ and energy trying to help.

I understand you have to protect yourself and your own family, but, should you let her know you won't help her anymore, she may have no one to turn to should she want to get out. I 100% understand your position, having been there myself. I stayed in her life because I knew I would blame myself if she had nowhere to go and was killed. Amazingly, her husband stopped beating her and focuses more on emotional, psychological and financial abuse. It makes me sick, but he allows me to remain in her life because he thinks I "understand hiw relationships work."

Agree with this. Maybe write up a list of resources and send them to her. Let her know that if something happens, she will need to make a call to the DV hotline and use resources that are out there instead of dumping on you.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, that is so devastating. It sounds like you have really tried? If that's the case, then yeah, hang back. If you feel that there was maybe something more that you could do, then cross of all t's and dot all your i's

[Anonymous]

OP< maybe this will help

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/mjwvf7/my_sister_is_in_an_abusive_relationship_but_i/

[Anonymous]

Make a list of everything you've done for her and what the outcome has been.

Make another list of what else you think you can realistically do for her, what you think the outcome will be, and why it is not possible for you to do these things.

You will have your answer