Sports or drugs? How would you have responded?

[Anonymous]

I have a colleague who has three kids in three separate travel leagues. We ran into him at an event yesterday, and he commented that from there, he was leaving to take his son a state over for a competition, and that his wife was across the state at a different competition, and his in-laws had the third kid for the weekend so she could attend her game. He said he hasn’t had a weekend as a family since Christmas. I said, “Don’t you dream of an idle weekend?” to which he replied, “Well, at least they won’t turn into teens who do drugs!” I didn’t even know how to reply to that so I said nothing, but it was such an odd reply.

Growing up I wasn’t in sports and didn’t touch drugs. My DH was big into sports and dabbled in high school and college. Our kids have played sports casually, but haven’t continued, and I don’t fear they’ll gravitate towards drugs because they aren’t at football practice.

It’s just so weird that it seems my colleague thinks there are only two options. I’m curious, do most ultra competitive sports parents believe this?

[Anonymous]

Of course not, and he doesn’t either. You criticized the way he spends his weekends and he felt defensive about it so make an offhand remark. He could have said “keep teens busy and they don’t have time to get into trouble!” and you probably wouldn’t have thought twice about it. That is what he meant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course not, and he doesn’t either. You criticized the way he spends his weekends and he felt defensive about it so make an offhand remark. He could have said “keep teens busy and they don’t have time to get into trouble!” and you probably wouldn’t have thought twice about it. That is what he meant.

I don’t know why he felt he had to be defensive, he was complaining first about never being home. It was an honest question on my part, with sincerity.

[Anonymous]

Your question comes off as snarky and as a criticism of his choices and decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your question comes off as snarky and as a criticism of his choices and decisions.

+1. You sound like a therapist OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your question comes off as snarky and as a criticism of his choices and decisions.

How though?

“Larla has Kennedy down in Richmond, I’m headed to Harrisburg after this with Tate, and my in-laws have Cooper. We haven’t had a weekend together since Christmas.”

“Don’t you dream of an idle weekend?”

I thought I was just making on-gripe conversation. Back to my original question, what would have been an appropriate thing to say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your question comes off as snarky and as a criticism of his choices and decisions.

This. You were rude, op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course not, and he doesn’t either. You criticized the way he spends his weekends and he felt defensive about it so make an offhand remark. He could have said “keep teens busy and they don’t have time to get into trouble!” and you probably wouldn’t have thought twice about it. That is what he meant.

I don’t know why he felt he had to be defensive, he was complaining first about never being home. It was an honest question on my part, with sincerity.

Maybe he wasn’t complaining, but stating facts.

[Anonymous]

He wanted you to say “wow, the kids must love their sports! Lots of work but really rewarding, huh?” Or something of that nature. It’s like a marathoner saying they are exhausted, or foodie saying they spend all their money on saffron and truffles. They aren’t looking for you to say the need to change. They want you to admire them but they don’t want to brag…so it comes out as complaints. Consider them humblebrags. If you a want to be kind just find a way to be supportive.

[Anonymous]

I use the "it's better than drinking/drugs" response too when talking about the ridiculous sports schedule my own family has. It's just a cliche.

Your response could have been less judgmental.

[Anonymous]

Well, now I feel awful. I truly had no ill-intent with my reply. Thanks for your replies!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your question comes off as snarky and as a criticism of his choices and decisions.

How though?

“Larla has Kennedy down in Richmond, I’m headed to Harrisburg after this with Tate, and my in-laws have Cooper. We haven’t had a weekend together since Christmas.”

“Don’t you dream of an idle weekend?”

I thought I was just making on-gripe conversation. Back to my original question, what would have been an appropriate thing to say?

You don't think they could have an idle weekend if they wanted to have an idle weekend. I think your question was weird which is why his answer was weird.

They chose to have active kids, it was not by accident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, now I feel awful. I truly had no ill-intent with my reply. Thanks for your replies!

You shouldn’t feel awful- it’s not worth feeling anything really at all. It was idle chit chat and neither of you were rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your question comes off as snarky and as a criticism of his choices and decisions.

How though?

“Larla has Kennedy down in Richmond, I’m headed to Harrisburg after this with Tate, and my in-laws have Cooper. We haven’t had a weekend together since Christmas.”

“Don’t you dream of an idle weekend?”

I thought I was just making on-gripe conversation. Back to my original question, what would have been an appropriate thing to say?

It amazing how you all make it work.

[Anonymous]

Do you have asd OP?