Feeling so hopeless
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Anonymous
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"how to prove beyond a doubt that the parent is wholly incapable of managing their life and financial affairs."
This is what I'm told my sibling and I need to do to get a guardianship or conservatorship for our Dad. Has anyone been successful in doing so? Backstory we lost our Mom two years ago and as she declined she wanted to be home, however home was a house with mold and reeking of pet urine and feces, think the WORST possible scenario. Why the nurse that would come by once or twice a week didn't sound some alarm I'll never know....our parents have never been forthcoming regarding finances, etc. nor were they willing to have a conversation or even consider power of attorney during Mom's illness, nor would they move in with my brother or I which we offered incessantly. Present day our Dad is 80 and slipping cognitively but lucid enough to refuse any help that we can offer, thus we cannot get power of attorney to make decisions on his behalf either. We DO NOT want to lose another parent this way but feel hopeless at this point. We just want our Dad to live out the rest of his life in better conditions than he is now and possibly get our developmentally delayed younger brother (yes, also in the home) some assistance as well. |
Anonymous
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Honestly, you need to let go with respect to your dad. He has a mental health issue that you are not going to solve.
You need to figure things out for your brother. Are you willing to take your brother into your home? Because you need to call APS and indicate that your brother is essentially being abused by your dad. But you need to be very aware of what the actual options are for your brother. Is your brother getting Medicaid? Does your dad have guardianship? I have a daughter with profound disabilities, but you need to post more info if you want help specific to your brother. |
Anonymous
Did she say the brother was being abused? OP, is your dad still loving to the brother with disabilities? As a parent of a young person with disabilities, I can tell you there is so much risk of a stranger being abusive, that if the dad is loving and makes sure he is fed, loved and healthy, even in a smelly, messy, gross house, I would not call it abuse. I would start exploring safe options for the brother though. I'm sorry OP this is so difficult. I gave up with my mother and have a sibling who undermines everything. Luckily I threw a fit to get my mother to allow and geriatric social worker in the keep tabs and arrange care as needed. Mom fired people though. I have needed to make peace with the fact she could die a preventable death, but it is all very sad and I think some of her neighbors are looking into moving away (after naively offering "call us anytime.") The doctor knows to assess reflexes, etc for driving safety and the first sign things are not OK I will report her to the DMV and call the police to see what they can do. |
Anonymous
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so that's another rub and no we aren't prepared to take him in....our focus has been our parents since our brother is undiagnosed, he's 35 and we "assume" developmental delays, bi-polar due to fits of anger/violence, never leaves the house and then periods of calm/normalcy. Parents didn't want to address it from any angle for fear of losing him to "the system" despite our pleas and sharing stories of those we know who had children with the same types of issues who were diagnosed, treated and are now either able to live independently, or group home or whatever....
Don't believe brother is getting Medicaid and doubt a current guardianship is in place but don't know as with all other matters, the only thing we've been able to do over the years is fix stuff - pipes, furnace etc. when it breaks in the house. |
Anonymous
| Op, the proof you need will not be difficult. A judge will understand. They have seen it all. They likely have family dynamics that are similar. Do not let those words, the words you led with, be an obstacle. |
Anonymous
| Hard to see how you intervene on behalf of your Dad without considering how you will handle your brother. Kinda sounds like you are of the "let the chips fall where they may" mindset. Which I get (I would not want to invite an anger/violent family member to move into my home either) but I wonder how you can really help would Dad without dealing with the brother too. |
Anonymous
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You call the senior help line in their county and ask them how they can help. They will do a welfare check and see that these two people cannot live in that house.
In order to be sure that's going to happen... maybe you don't want to fix things or clean up for a while. |