Was this tacky?

[Anonymous]

I went out to lunch with a former coworker and former coworker asked if my spouse and I liked to socialize with other couples and then brought up Lunar New Year since my ethic background is Asian. Former coworker starts hyping up an ‘event’ by their church that was also going to celebrate Lunar New Year and promised to send details. I really thought this was going to be an actual event you just show up to. Turns out it’s a potluck that requires ‘Asian food’ and former coworker wants to know what dish I’d like to bring. I feel bamboozled since I feel like former coworker should have been upfront about it being potluck-style from the beginning and I’m only being asked because I fit the demographic they want. Spouse suggested that I explain I don’t do potlucks post-Covid but former coworker knows our office conducts potlucks all the time so I can’t use that excuse. I want to be honest and let former coworker know I don’t want to attend and contribute to a potluck where I only know ONE person and I honestly think it’s weird I was asked since I’m not a church goer either. Anyway, had to get this off my chest and wondered if anyone else thinks how former coworker went about this is tacky?

[Anonymous]

Honestly it sounds like how most of those churches operate. My friend always gets invited to these and they are like, secret conversion events. Trying to get more people to join the church. So I'm not sure if its tacky exactly, but it's definitely a thing (and not something I'd appreciate either!).

I would just tell her you are uncomfortable attending a church event, thanks for thinking of you and move on. I dont think you need to make it a big conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went out to lunch with a former coworker and former coworker asked if my spouse and I liked to socialize with other couples and then brought up Lunar New Year since my ethic background is Asian. Former coworker starts hyping up an ‘event’ by their church that was also going to celebrate Lunar New Year and promised to send details. I really thought this was going to be an actual event you just show up to. Turns out it’s a potluck that requires ‘Asian food’ and former coworker wants to know what dish I’d like to bring. I feel bamboozled since I feel like former coworker should have been upfront about it being potluck-style from the beginning and I’m only being asked because I fit the demographic they want. Spouse suggested that I explain I don’t do potlucks post-Covid but former coworker knows our office conducts potlucks all the time so I can’t use that excuse. I want to be honest and let former coworker know I don’t want to attend and contribute to a potluck where I only know ONE person and I honestly think it’s weird I was asked since I’m not a church goer either. Anyway, had to get this off my chest and wondered if anyone else thinks how former coworker went about this is tacky?

Not tacky and I think you are overreacting. She thought you might enjoy the event. If not, say no. But most big church activities are, by their nature, potluck or some other inexpensive way to feed a large group

[Anonymous]

You sound tacky turning your nose up at it.

[Anonymous]

Churchy people are often encouraged to proselytize and the whole tie in with your Asian ethnicity just gave her an opening. I don’t think it was tacky per se, but you two have different ideas about what constitutes a good time. i would just tell her you discussed it with your husband and have decided not to attend- either make up a reason or tell her gently you’re not really into church potlucks.

[Anonymous]

There's nothing tacky about it. It sounds like a nice social event that simply doesn't appeal to you. If you have a lot of friends and don't need new ones - or if you don't enjoy their company - say whatever you like.

[Anonymous]

Tacky isn't the word I would use. Maybe people who are super involved in their church do potlucks all the time and think nothing of asking someone to contribute, and love all their churchy friends so assume you will too.

Meanwhile you feel stuck both food-wise and socially. But you're not! You never said you'd go. So just say "Actually I spoke with my husband who reminded me we already have plans that day. So I won't be able to attend your church potluck. But have a great time!"

[Anonymous]

I’d be suspicious it’s a church recruitment thing. Which is indeed tacky.

[Anonymous]

not tacky. She tried to include you. You are getting worked up over bringing a dish so say no. End of matter.

[Anonymous]

Making small talk with random people whose hygiene food habits are unknown? I would be apprehensive too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:not tacky. She tried to include you. You are getting worked up over bringing a dish so say no. End of matter.

Plus 1

[Anonymous]

I bet if you go there will be a lot of “Chinese chicken” salads with uncooked ramen noodles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:not tacky. She tried to include you. You are getting worked up over bringing a dish so say no. End of matter.

This. You seemed ok with the event until you found out you need to bring a dish. I doubt however that she invited you specifically for the dish you may bring. She just thought it’s an event you may enjoy. If you don’t want to go anymore, just tell her something came up and you can’t make it.

In any case, she was not tacky. Tacky would have been if she was going to this event and tried to get you to cook a dish for her to take to the event and did not invite you to it.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s tacky but I wouldn’t go. I’d tell her that you don’t feel comfortable attending a church event since you are not a church goer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet if you go there will be a lot of “Chinese chicken” salads with uncooked ramen noodles.

This! Unless the potluck crowd is diverse, the food being offered will be subpar.