What’s it like dealing with a kid with lifelong depression?

[Anonymous]

DD was just diagnosed with clinical depression at 16 years old. We’re of course going to start therapy, but what are some ways to support her through this, both now, and for the rest of her life? She’s not the type to share her feelings and pushes away if you try to get her to talk about it. She’s also not the type to ask for help.

[Anonymous]

Ask her therapist to recommend someone for you to consult with, or the best way to support her. It might be family therapy.

[Anonymous]

You don’t know that this is lifelong yet. Don’t get ahead of yourself. You won’t know that unless she has multiple incidents over a series of years.

With compassion, may I suggest that due to this catastrophic thinking on your part, perhaps you’d benefit from therapy too?

[Anonymous]

Therapy only mildly worked for my kid. Went through several therapists. After several years of off and on tries, she eventually told me that talking about her problems didn’t ever help bc it was rehashing everything she was feeling low about. At about 17 her GP put her on Sertraline, helped a little, but caused apathy. One year later a different GP put her on Wellbutrin. She’s been doing fine since that. She’s 20 now and doing well. Don’t be scared of prescription therapy. And whoever is treating her, helping her, including you - she needs to learn coping skills when she is in depression, she needs to learn various ways of - exercising, meditating, going for a walk, reframing, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t know that this is lifelong yet. Don’t get ahead of yourself. You won’t know that unless she has multiple incidents over a series of years.

With compassion, may I suggest that due to this catastrophic thinking on your part, perhaps you’d benefit from therapy too?

OP here. She said she’s felt this way her entire life, so I don’t expect it to go away, since it doesn’t seem to be situational. I want to stay in her life as she matures, and stay close, so I want to make sure I’m supportive without pushing her away. I don’t think this is catastrophic thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t know that this is lifelong yet. Don’t get ahead of yourself. You won’t know that unless she has multiple incidents over a series of years.

With compassion, may I suggest that due to this catastrophic thinking on your part, perhaps you’d benefit from therapy too?

+1. OP, I went through this with my daughter a year and a half ago when she was 15. She said so many things during the duration of her depression, such as she has always felt that way, that people had always left her when she needed them, that she saw no future that could be happy, etc. She eventually emerged from it after her school connected us with a wonderful psychiatrist who worked for months to find her the right medication and a great and patient therapist. Basically I just want you to know there is another side. I wasn’t sure for a long time but there is and it’s great and happy (not all the time but a lot of the time) and with the right help she will see that side.

[Anonymous]

dating and breakups are dangerous for DD, who struggles with anxiety and depression. She leans on the guys for emotional support and makes her feel good, and the breakup makes her suicidal.

[Anonymous]

I think it's great that you're asking this. I'm 48 but have struggled with depression/anxiety for most of my life. My mother has saved my life by being there for me during my episodes. I am not constantly depressed--I have long periods of time where I feel mostly normal, but when a trigger occurs (for example, starting college, a breakup, moving to a new city and starting a new job, etc) I can get into a very bad state. Once I had to take a leave of absence from work and go home to stay with my parents. Two other times my mother had to fly out to where I was living to take care of me (the most recent time was during the pandemic, so I was in my 40s). She has also fielded her fair share of phone calls when I was having a severe panic attack. But there can be years in between these episodes when I am doing fine, living independently, holding down a job, etc. I am married, have friends, etc (no kids though--I didn't think it would be a good idea given my mental health struggles). Having her is more of a safety net that I only need infrequently, but when I need it I really need it. I honestly don't know what I will do when she's gone. My husband is supportive but there's nothing like mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t know that this is lifelong yet. Don’t get ahead of yourself. You won’t know that unless she has multiple incidents over a series of years.

With compassion, may I suggest that due to this catastrophic thinking on your part, perhaps you’d benefit from therapy too?

OP here. She said she’s felt this way her entire life, so I don’t expect it to go away, since it doesn’t seem to be situational. I want to stay in her life as she matures, and stay close, so I want to make sure I’m supportive without pushing her away. I don’t think this is catastrophic thinking.

My child had been in a similar situation for about six years before they found the right medication. SSRIs and SNRIs are not effective for some kids, getting a Genomind test can show which medication will be effective and save critical time. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

[Anonymous]

My best advise is for you to seek therapy for yourself so that you can better support her and because you will need the support to help her. Family therapy, in addition to individual therapy- is also very helpful to make the family as functional and supportive as possible. Also be aware she may also need medication for some period of time. I suggest going to a psychiatrist rather than through a pediatrician.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t know that this is lifelong yet. Don’t get ahead of yourself. You won’t know that unless she has multiple incidents over a series of years.

With compassion, may I suggest that due to this catastrophic thinking on your part, perhaps you’d benefit from therapy too?

OP here. She said she’s felt this way her entire life, so I don’t expect it to go away, since it doesn’t seem to be situational. I want to stay in her life as she matures, and stay close, so I want to make sure I’m supportive without pushing her away. I don’t think this is catastrophic thinking.

True. It also may be the depression talking. When I’m depressed I feel like I’ve always been depressed. Then, when I feel better I’m able to see things more clearly. I echo what others said about meds. Don’t be afraid to use them. They’ve saved me more than once. I’m a mom with depression, working to support a preteen with depression. I wrote the post about catastrophic thinking because I always have to interrogate my own thinking when I start feeling hopeless about my own kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t know that this is lifelong yet. Don’t get ahead of yourself. You won’t know that unless she has multiple incidents over a series of years.

With compassion, may I suggest that due to this catastrophic thinking on your part, perhaps you’d benefit from therapy too?

OP here. She said she’s felt this way her entire life, so I don’t expect it to go away, since it doesn’t seem to be situational. I want to stay in her life as she matures, and stay close, so I want to make sure I’m supportive without pushing her away. I don’t think this is catastrophic thinking.

Has she ever received treatment before now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t know that this is lifelong yet. Don’t get ahead of yourself. You won’t know that unless she has multiple incidents over a series of years.

With compassion, may I suggest that due to this catastrophic thinking on your part, perhaps you’d benefit from therapy too?

OP here. She said she’s felt this way her entire life, so I don’t expect it to go away, since it doesn’t seem to be situational. I want to stay in her life as she matures, and stay close, so I want to make sure I’m supportive without pushing her away. I don’t think this is catastrophic thinking.

My child had been in a similar situation for about six years before they found the right medication. SSRIs and SNRIs are not effective for some kids, getting a Genomind test can show which medication will be effective and save critical time. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

My niece is in-house treatment now for treatment-resistant depression. Ketamine did not work. He’s been in a few months. Several members of my BIL’s family have it. It’s genetic, but after treatment was ironed out all are doing great now. It really hit in college and you would never have known—always seemed happy, funny on surface.

[Anonymous]

Journaling. Gratitude lists, hobbies, getting out of house to spend time with friends or family. Keep checking in with her.

[Anonymous]

I was in treatment for years for depression and found some relief with therapy and meds and hospitalization. When I was in my thirties I finally noticed that my mood was greatly affected by my cycle, and I went on birth control, and saw a huge improvement. Keep it in mind. Track the good days and bad days.