Meeting bf's ex?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I each have a young kid from previous relationships. We've been together for two years, and both of us are fully committed but don't see ourselves getting married again, and not living together until the kids are much, much older. We are happy with the current situation.

I've never considered myself a jealous person, though this post will make you think otherwise, but him and his ex are very amicable and do a great job of co-parenting, and I'm glad that they are, for the sake of their child. I don't doubt at all that he loves me, and I am fully confident there is nothing romantic/sexual with his ex, but I can't help but wonder if at this point in our relationship, I should be meeting her, especially since they get along so well? Holidays and birthdays lately have had me feeling somewhat secondary, the longer we have been together. My ex and I get along, but we rarely speak or see each other, don't get each other gifts for special occasions from the child, etc., things like that, so perhaps that contributes to these feelings too.

We are each other's first relationship post-divorce, so not sure if what I'm feeling is just something that I'm not used to and suck it up. I'm on the fence of bringing this up, versus keeping my mouth shut as it involves his child. It is not easy.

[Anonymous]

Have you met his kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you met his kid? [/quote

Yes, and he's met mine, we've had several playdates and various outings with them.

[Anonymous]

You're causing trouble where there is none.

Be glad your partner is a good co-parent and there is no drama. Tbh - what would meeting her be about? You want to request a meet and greet? Might make your jealousy worse so tackle that first. If I were her I wouldn't need to meet you intentionally but wouldn't be opposed to seeing you at a game or activity, etc. but if you don't plan on living together in the house with my kid then unless there's something dramatic going on, I'd be happy my kid's dad is happy and keep it moving.

Get over whatever you are feeling and focus on whether it's a good relationship and if it is - don't self-sabotage just because you don't get the co-parent he does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're causing trouble where there is none.

Be glad your partner is a good co-parent and there is no drama. Tbh - what would meeting her be about? You want to request a meet and greet? Might make your jealousy worse so tackle that first. If I were her I wouldn't need to meet you intentionally but wouldn't be opposed to seeing you at a game or activity, etc. but if you don't plan on living together in the house with my kid then unless there's something dramatic going on, I'd be happy my kid's dad is happy and keep it moving.

Get over whatever you are feeling and focus on whether it's a good relationship and if it is - don't self-sabotage just because you don't get the co-parent he does.

Thanks for your perspective. His son's bday party was a few weeks ago, and while I wasn't necessarily not invited, we decided maybe meeting his ex for the first time at a child's bday party wasn't the best idea and I dare did not want to be any distraction. It still hurt to know that everyone else important in his life was there, though, and not me.

[Anonymous]

I'm friendly with my ex but we've never met each other's partners. Neither one of us has been serious enough to take that step. I'd be fine with meeting someone, though. I'd be fine with my ex meeting my BF; I suspect they'd get along. There is certainly nothing going on with my ex

[Anonymous]

OP grow up. This is what happens when you don’t stick it out with your kids father/mother. Be glad he has a good co-parenting relationship and leave it alone. Allow their kids to grow up in peace and at the center.

[Anonymous]

Go ahead and meet the ex. Then when there is something like a birthday party you can be included. You’ve been together for 2 years. It’s time.

[Anonymous]

Why would want to meet the ex ? There are huge advantages to the approach you have taken in terms of setting your relationship up. There are also pressures to conform and get married + move in together. Don’t let your insecurities screw up a good thing.

Ps trying to do the same relationship wise

[Anonymous]

Nothing good will come from entertaining those jealous tugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing good will come from entertaining those jealous tugs.

Thanks, you're right. Though I don't really feel jealous (which I associate with feelings of anger, hate), more left out and that makes me incredibly sad.