Almost but not quite good enough

[Anonymous]

I need to vent and put this out in the universe - my disappointment and frustration. I applied to Harvard and got waitlisted then denied. I got into UVA BUT I had to wait a year / deferred which was not an option. I applied for an SES position and am a second choice in case things fall through with first candidate (they won’t).

I am an immigrant and everything is just so hard to climb and claw and I never get it, always second best always something second or third option. That’s it, I know life is hard for others but I sense a pattern. Just not good enough.

[Anonymous]

So in other words, you came here as an immigrant, and have managed to acquire a better education and better career than +99.999% of people, (including native born Americans)… and your takeaway is that “you’re just not good enough”. Perhaps because you’re a victim of anti immigrant bias.

Got it.

[Anonymous]

Op is an ungrateful, entitled brat who likely doesn’t deserve to be here with that attitude.

[Anonymous]

Yawn. Just go to NOVA then transfer. Literally no. one. cares.

[Anonymous]

Boohoo....tiny violins everywhere

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need to vent and put this out in the universe - my disappointment and frustration. I applied to Harvard and got waitlisted then denied. I got into UVA BUT I had to wait a year / deferred which was not an option. I applied for an SES position and am a second choice in case things fall through with first candidate (they won’t).

I am an immigrant and everything is just so hard to climb and claw and I never get it, always second best always something second or third option. That’s it, I know life is hard for others but I sense a pattern. Just not good enough.

You're the mom in this story, right?

[Anonymous]

That's pretty much the case for most of the rest of us as well OP. White, black, immigrant.

Mostly it's the extremely wealthy who aren't always second or third choice.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think it's good you posted, and then you can hear people fire back at you. It's important to have a reality check.

If you play the victim card, even to yourself, you perpetuate that state in your life. I've heard how people are "overnight successes" when in reality they failed and failed and failed but never gave up, then boom, because they didn't give up, it happened.

Keep going, working, improving. Yes, it's exhausting. And this is why so many people now just want a free lunch because they don't have the skills and mental fortitude to do what it takes to succeed.

I am watching Dance Life right now. And it epitomizes how hard it is, how it can be unfair, but you have to want it bad enough to keep going and not give up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's pretty much the case for most of the rest of us as well OP. White, black, immigrant.

Mostly it's the extremely wealthy who aren't always second or third choice.

Another with the victim mindset has arrived.

Work harder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need to vent and put this out in the universe - my disappointment and frustration. I applied to Harvard and got waitlisted then denied. I got into UVA BUT I had to wait a year / deferred which was not an option. I applied for an SES position and am a second choice in case things fall through with first candidate (they won’t).

I am an immigrant and everything is just so hard to climb and claw and I never get it, always second best always something second or third option. That’s it, I know life is hard for others but I sense a pattern. Just not good enough.

Well I think you should send this straight to Harvard as proof that they made a mistake not accepting you. You're on here in the middle of the day harping on your misfortune. This is entirely made up or you're the disappointed Tiger Mom

[Anonymous]

OP not sure if you believe in manifestation but your energy is offputting. You have a chip on your shoulder and it is palpable. If you could embrace an attitude of “not for me but I will succeed anyway” and believe that you have opportunities everywhere, they will come to you. Of course keep doing the hard work.

[Anonymous]

OP I know what you mean. I’ve always been close to, adjacent, not quite at the top but close enough to see it, but it’s a quantum leap from me to there. But it’s not because I’m being discriminated against—it’s because I am lacking in something and those at the very top can see it. I have been at elite institutions but somehow never make it to the next rung. Consider that it’s actually you, not bias against you.

[Anonymous]

Why is deferred "not an option"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think it's good you posted, and then you can hear people fire back at you. It's important to have a reality check.

If you play the victim card, even to yourself, you perpetuate that state in your life. I've heard how people are "overnight successes" when in reality they failed and failed and failed but never gave up, then boom, because they didn't give up, it happened.

Keep going, working, improving. Yes, it's exhausting. And this is why so many people now just want a free lunch because they don't have the skills and mental fortitude to do what it takes to succeed.

I am watching Dance Life right now. And it epitomizes how hard it is, how it can be unfair, but you have to want it bad enough to keep going and not give up.

+1 Success is built upon the back of many failures. OP it sounds like you're still doing quite well. Most people never even apply to Harvard or UVA or for the SES position. Good for you for even getting in the game. I know one person who is so bitter about another friend's successes in the same field, but she never even tried what this other person had to do (and failed and failed then had success) to achieve her goals.

I'm sure there are many other times you got the prize. This is rhetorical, but what college did you go to - did others apply and not get in? How about every job you've been selected for - were you the only applicant? I'm quite sure you've had some successes too.

You're feeling a little defeated right now. That's ok. Lick your wounds and get back in the game.

[Anonymous]

OP here - I think people misunderstood my immigrant comment. I would have done things differently and I will give my children advice to push them forward and I will to the extent possible set them up to succeed. I worked college jobs (ha, not Harvard) at restaurants and Jack in the Box to have money to help my family. I applied to Harvard bc that’s all I knew as “important school” when I didn’t have someone counsel me on options or transferring etc. You all have to realize I’ve been at least two steps behind - a friendly colleague had to explain what a TSP is how stocks work to me on a random day one year into my first job. Just garbage like this I’m disappointed in myself I wish I would have done better in the interview, on applications, had been more thoughtful and listened or researched more. Thought I’d get better but I keep failing so I’ve clearly not learned and still missing things.