Ever plan a big party you really regret?

[Anonymous]

Like a wedding or a 15/16th for a girl or a big 50th?

Feeling like this whole thing has gotten out of hand and I’m not even enjoying it it has gotten so expensive.

[Anonymous]

Yes, a really, really large wedding paid for by me. Pressured into it by my parents and I wasn't smart enough then to push back. It's 20 plus years later and I try not to think about what I could be doing with that money now.

If my kids wanted to elope I would be into it.

[Anonymous]

Yes, pressured into a large wedding. Both families created so much drama. I still haven't forgiven most of the key players.

Plus I had to constantly fend off vendor pressure to spend more. The florist got so upset when I set a low budget for flowers, the venue that got pissy when I refused to pay extra for dance floor, microphone, etc. (I had the contract amended to include all this before I signed it), and so many others.

If I had to do it again, I would get married at a park with no wedding vendors and just tell everyone the date after everything was settled.

[Anonymous]

No, we're small everything people, including for our wedding which cost under 1k. I would not pay for a big party or wedding for my kids either.

[Anonymous]

No- we went all in for bar mitzvahs and I loved being able to celebrate our kids with friends and family. We had saved the money and of course, it was a little crazy but we loved the weekend.

[Anonymous]

My parents insisted on a very large wedding for us though they paid for it. I don’t entirely blame them since there were cultural expectations but if they had invested that money it would have been a life-changing amount by now.

[Anonymous]

I used to work in the event business and let me tell you, the budget is the MOST IMPORTANT THING. If you’re over budget, you won’t enjoy the event no matter how magical you are. By budget I mean your “real” budget. That’s the point you are uncomfortable. If your working budget is more than that, BRING IT DOWN. If you working budget is less than that, you can probably bust it a few times and be okay.

So, your event costs have gotten out of control. STOP GOING ALONG. Nobody involved is going to bring the budget down except you. NOBODY. All that matters is what is in your contract(s). It’s better to eat the penalty of canceling something than to pay more than you comfortably can. Your guests have not been in on the planning. They will not know what has been cut. They will not care. They will be fine even if you cancel the party.

If you’re cutting back, here would be my personal priority list:

1) Comfortable seating for everyone but especially older/pregnant/sick/child people. That means a reasonable hot/cold level, shade, and a sturdy chair with a back. If you’re having a standing cocktail hour on a patio, you need chairs in the shade for idk, 20-50% of the guests depending on their age range. Hot/cold/painful people aren’t happy guests no matter what else is going on.

2) plenty of nourishing food. It doesn’t have to be fancy, it just needs to be nourishing and available.

3) good lighting. Not extravagant but comfortable. Most venues will have this built in but if you’re doing a tent or something I would prioritize it.

4) music

5) booze

6) else - flowers cake blah blah

Take this list or your own version and cut from the bottom until you’re in budget.

If you have to, cancel the event. It will be okay. Better to eat the cancellation fees.

I didn’t put a coordinator on here because depending on the party, the venue and the caterer you might not need one. But if you do need one it’s important I just can’t put it on my list without more specifics.

[Anonymous]

No, I've never regretted money spent on a party. But, that said, I've never spent that much on a party.

There have been big parties I haven't enjoyed as much as I hoped, but regret is a strong word.

[Anonymous]

I've only spent money on a big party a couple of times - wedding, surprise 60th for my mother - definitely worth it both times, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, we're small everything people, including for our wedding which cost under 1k. I would not pay for a big party or wedding for my kids either.

Same here.

My husband's family loves big parties, and my MIL is still pissed about our small wedding 20 years later. Had I stuck to a large wedding plan, I would def have regrets. We were able to buy a house instead.

[Anonymous]

Currently planning my Indian-American DD's wedding. Average cost of Indian wedding in DMV is around 200K, so this is on par with saving for college. Indian parents save for college and wedding from the time a kid is born, to the best of their abilities - so we knew this was coming. And we have lived a fiscally responsible life till now, to prepare for this cost. We are paying for the entire wedding.

Not only there is a deeply religious-ritualistic aspect of a Hindu wedding, but also there is a social aspect that dictates our guest list and how we host them. You may ask, is any of this necessary? No, we could easily have a small wedding in a temple and called it a day. So, we can say that the reason we are spending on a wedding is purely emotional and no one is holding a gun to our head.

Do we regret the expense? No. But, it is a HUGE expense and it is very hard earned money, so there is that. Plus, we are middle class and yes, the cost is keeping me awake at night.

On our part, we have tried to be economical and smart about paring down certain costs, but, the bottom line is that we will not compromise on how we host our guests. The experience of family and friends trumps over what the bride and groom may want. We are not passing over the cost of wedding to our guests, and we are adhering to an Indian societal norm of how our guests should be treated.

In our culture, it is not the day of the bride and the groom. They are getting married (and not paying a dime) and that is their big prize. This is the day of the bride and groom's parents who have successfully seen their children launched into adulthood and in a marriage. Our responsibility traditionally ends here. This is the bare minimum that the Indian parents do for their children - get them educated and get them married. From now on, the bride and groom are one unit that are facing the responsibilities of their household together.

Nothing to regret. If I had not spent the money on the wedding, I would not have handed my kids this money to spend as they want or to set them up. To be successful in their own life is the responsibility of my married children. We have raised them, educated them. supported them in the early years of their career, and now married them. This is more leg-up than most people get in their life.

[Anonymous]

I prefer being a guest to hosting, but I try to host to reciprocate as well.

I don’t think I want big parties for my bday anymore because that’s no longer my idea of a fun time - but I’m willing to host for others that I care about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I prefer being a guest to hosting, but I try to host to reciprocate as well.

I don’t think I want big parties for my bday anymore because that’s no longer my idea of a fun time - but I’m willing to host for others that I care about.

Me again - and I am throwing bar / bat mitzvahs for my kids but we set a budget and we are not going over the top with it. Family and friends are important to me - and I value being able to get together for these things.

[Anonymous]

I eloped but I did a big 50th for my parents and an 80th for my dad and a 90th for my mom.

No regrets for those.

[Anonymous]

Not my thing at all as a person, but it's also cultural. I'm an immigrant with few family members/friends and nobody expects a party ever.
I will have fun when my best friend finally comes to visit me.
Pushing all those parties on people has to be for companies who benefit from it. I can have so much fun with few people around me and it's usually spontaneous.